On Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 9:24 PM, Shaun McCance <[email protected]> wrote: > On Wed, 2010-02-17 at 19:01 -0500, Darton Williams wrote: >> Hi All, >> >> http://website-editors.gnome.org/download/images is ready for final review. >> >> On Mon, Feb 15, 2010 at 7:32 AM, Lucas Rocha <[email protected]> wrote: >> > - Live Images content looks mostly ok, a final review would be nice. >> > Has a TODO item about Bittorrents. >> >> Small change in wording - "without requiring installation" >> >> Added a brief BitTorrent explanation (could maybe be even shorter?), >> links to some free clients. I wouldn't presume to speak for GNOME by >> suggesting these clients in particular, they are just familiar and >> convenient to me. > > >From your friendly neighborhood copy editor: > > 'The GNOME Images contain' > 'These are all "Live" systems' > 'The current Live Media' > 'Live Media ISO images' > Why capitalized "Images" and "Live Media"? They're not > proper nouns. We don't need to capitalize the names of > every technology. >
Good points Shaun, I'm not sure whether these were marketing choices or not. Paul, can you address the capitalization? > 'To install GNOME onto your computer or into a virtual > machine of your choice, download the file, burn to CD, > and boot your computer.' > 1) Not sure "of your choice" adds anything. > 2) Download what file? When reading top to bottom, you > talk about something before you present it. > 3) "burn it to a CD" > 4) It might be worth pointing out that you have to boot > your computer with the CD in it. Also, some computers > don't boot from CD by default. Not sure if mucking > with BIOS is really something we want to talk about. > 5) And those instructions aren't really correct for > installing in a virtual machine. > 6) As an aside, I don't know what style elements we have > available, but it would be nice to have 'Download:' > look more like a list title. > 7) Rough attempt: "Download the ISO file below to install > GNOME onto your computer or into a virtual machine. To > install GNOME onto your computer, burn the ISO file to > a CD and boot your computer with the CD in the CD drive." > It skirts the issue of installing into a VM. Maybe a > sentence should be added telling you to consult your VM's > help for instructions. > Thanks, will update instructions to something similar. > "in a GNU/Linux virtual machine" > This means that the image itself is a GNU/Linux operating > system, yes? Because it could easily be confused to mean > that VMWare or VirtualBox need to be running on a GNU/Linux > machine. I don't think this adds anything to the sentence. > > "install the VirtualBox package of your distribution" > Suggest "from your distribution". > > "Download the GNOME 2.26 VMWare Live Demo:" > This sentence is immediately following by the paragraph that > just says "Download:", which is a bit redundant. Then that > list-header-like paragraph is following by list-header-like > paragraphs. Suggest you drop the above sentence as well as > "Download:" and redo the list headers as such: > "Download GNOME 2.26 for VMWare Player or Workstation:" > "Download GNOME 2.26 for VMWare ESX Server:" > > "RunGNOME" -> "Run GNOME" > > "using QEMU on GNU/Linux or Parallels for Mac or GNU/Linux" > Lots of prepositions make it hard for the reader to group > things. It's a bit of a garden path. Suggest repeating > "using" to make it more clear: "using QEMU on GNU/Linux or > using Parallels on Mac or GNU/Linux". Is "Mac" the right > way to refer to it? Should we say "Mac OS X"? > > Does "Live Demo" need to be capitalized? > > "To run in QEMU or KVM in a terminal type:" -> > "To run the live demo in QEMU or KVM, type the following > in a terminal:" > > "If you'd like to create your own distributions or simply > want to help developing GNOME?" > That's not a question. Or a sentence. > > > Thanks, > > -- > Shaun McCance > http://syllogist.net/ > > Didn't even notice some of these. The more eyes the better... Best, Darton _______________________________________________ gnome-web-list mailing list [email protected] http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/gnome-web-list
