FOOTLOOSE By Derek Almeida derekalmeida at eth.net Believe it or not; these days there are more MiGs falling down than apples in Shimla, or Manali or wherever they grow those things.
Since the Russians went through a lot of trouble to build the MiG, they are very troubled by the large number of crashes in India. Engineers at the MiG factory, or wherever they build those things, have been asking themselves one question: Why doesn't the MiG fall up? In a bid to keep MiGs in the air, where they belong, MiG engineers decided to do something about it. Since overhauling the aircraft was proving to be expensive, they opted for a few add-ons along with a manual on safety. The manual is written in an easy to understand style. The idea was to make the manual user-friendly, since the MiG is not. The manual, aimed at pilots, is small enough to fit in the cockpit of the aircraft. It contains a ready-reference section, which can be accessed within 15 seconds -- that's about the time it takes for a MiG to crash. The booklet also contains a two-line `foreword' by Air Marshal Leonid Crashsky, a veteran with 31 MiG crashes. The last one killed him, so please correct that to the Late Air Marshal Leonid Crashsky. The foreword reads: "I admire your courage in opting to fly a MiG, although I think you must be a little crazy to do it." Due to a printing error, which can only happen with a MiG, the `foreword' got printed on the last page of the booklet. It's now known as the `backword'. Now, coming to the changes made in the aircraft to arrest, or halt, or check, or stem...whatever, the crashes. The new MiG comes with a whole set of screw drivers, spanners, wrenches etc to enable the pilot to make onboard repairs. Since all this has added to the weight of the aircraft, engineers came up with the brilliant idea of reducing weight by taking out the radar, which never really worked, in the first place. The aircraft now has three tubes of super glue to stick anything that comes apart while attempting to fly at super-sonic speed. In case the wing flaps or the tail rudder falls off, the jet is now equipped with a spare set, just in case the pilot gathers the nerve to climb out and replace the fallen part while the MiG is hurtling to Earth. Incidentally, this is the only time the MiG achieves Mach-3 speed. Pilots are warned not to attempt to fly at super-sonic speeds. No, the aircraft will not disintegrate, but the nose could fall off, and you know how expensive nose jobs are these days. The new MiG is also fitted with a heavy-duty vacuum cleaner (behind the seat) which is to be used when birds gets sucked into the engine in mid-air. Note: Batteries not included. Now, coming to the radio: Handle the switches and knobs with care. If one or two come off, don't forget to use the super-glue. Be careful, or you could glue your fingers to the radio and it's really quite difficult to sleep with a radio glued to your fingers. Sometimes, the radio knobs could get jammed. There is nothing you can do about it, so kindly carry a mobile phone in your left top pocket. Even if the knobs work without a hitch, there is no guarantee that you will be able to stay in touch with Mission Control. However, the good news is, if you are close to Mumbai you might pick up FM. More often than not, the engine switches off in mid-air. If this happens, eject. If the eject button malfunctions then pull the lever on the right. Should it come off in your hand? Well? Thanks for placing your trust in us and flying our MiGs. ########################################################################## # Send submissions for Goanet to [EMAIL PROTECTED] # # PLEASE remember to stay on-topic (related to Goa), and avoid top-posts # # More details on Goanet at http://joingoanet.shorturl.com/ # # Please keep your discussion/tone polite, to reflect respect to others # ##########################################################################
