Goan for the Jocular by Cecil Pinto -------------------
To, The Top Honcho Microsoft USA Subject: Right-Click Button in Internet Explorer
Dear Mr. Gates,
Greetings from sunny Goa. How's it hanging pal? No news recently about that massive high tech RCC bungalow which you were building. Builders here in Goa too are going through a slump.
Now I have been a dedicated user of Microsoft Products since the days of good old DOS and GW-BASIC. Don't let those Linux guys scare you. Nothing comes free in life - not even software. As long as you ensure that pirated Microsoft products are easily available worldwide you have nothing to fear in your quest for world domination.
My grouse is about Internet Explorer's Right-Click button function. Let me explain about the first time I faced the problem...
Being an amateur photography enthusiast I was browsing the Internet one day for 'amateur pics'. Realms of unexplored territory unfolded for me (and my research continues to date). Definitely much more interesting pictures that the amateur pics one sees in Better Photography magazine. I have amassed an entire collection of these amateur pics since. Purely for research purpose mind you. Lighting, compostion, skin tones...
I use Microsoft Intrenet Explorer for browsing. What I normally do when I come across an interesting picture is to right-click the mouse button on it. As you know a menu appears which gives me an option to "Save Picture As.." on my harddisk. After a particularly late night of such research one day at the office I went home unaware of the chaos to follow. Next morning as I jaunted into office, late as usual, my male colleagues were avoiding my eye and all the females in the office was giving me dirty looks. I was summoned to the boss' cabin for a dressing down.
Apparently I had right-clicked a bit to fast and hit "Set as Wallpaper". Imagine my female colleague's surprise when she turned on the computer that morning to see a picture of six Columbia Co-eds cavorting on the screen 'au naturale'. Fortunately I have not been sacked from the job - but my Internet access has been restricted.
To come to the point Mr. Gates could you ask your Software engineers to kindly rewrite the Internet Explorer code so that the "Save Picture As.." and "Set as Wallpaper" options are kept as far away from each other as possible so that such fiascoes do not occur again.
Hope you will join me for a peg of Caju Feni someday here in Goa. I could show you my picture collection. When you can take a break from counting all your money that is.
Cecil Pinto (Amateur Photo Researcher) -------------------
The humour column above appeared in Goa Plus the Friday Magazine section of The Times of India on 22nd November 2002.
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