-------------------------------------------------------------------------- | 3rd Annual Konkan Fruit Fest, Goa - May 6-8, 2005 | | | | Today's Events include Fruit Carving - Decor - Watermelon eating | | Fancy Dress. Check out http://konkanfruit.swiki.net | -------------------------------------------------------------------------- DEMOCRAT (USA) You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for having two cows while your neighbor has none. You want the government to give everyone a calf.
REPUBLICAN (USA) You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? What's your point? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICA You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRANCE You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPAN You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIA You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch and ask the woman to join you. Life is good. RUSSIA You have two cows. You drink some vodka. You count the cows again and learn you have five cows. You drink some more vodka. You count the cows again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN (IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS) You control both the cows in Afghanistan. You cannot milk them because you are not permitted to touch any creature's private parts. You beat the cow in the soccer stadium because it will not wear a burqa. POLAND You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. BELGIUM You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. FLORIDA You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one is the best-looking cow. CALIFORNIA You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are "undocumented". Gov. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- * G * O * A * N * E * T *** C * L * A * S * S * I * F * I * E * D * S * ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Make your mother in Goa happy on Mothers' Day. http://www.goa-world.com/goa/expressions/mothersday/ Limited "Mother's Happiness" packages. First come, first serve. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
