Tongue in Cheek - By Cecil Pinto --------
Captain's Log Stardate 05-05-2005. Observation of Social Customs: Large Goan Group Picnics. Location: Baga Beach, Bardez, Goa Local terms only initially in parenthesis ( ).
I observe an open commercial van (tempo) approaching. Tempo normally used for carrying coconuts, sand, beat group equipment etc. Currently filled with approximately 30 odd human specimens of both genders and varied ages. In all probability members of the St. Sebastian Chapel of Grande Naikavaddo in Siolim or similar. Nature of group can be identified by picnic songs sung. This group is singing traditional folksongs (mandos), old Konkani radio songs and upbeat hymns. The Maddel Friends Eleven Cricket Club would be singing Hindi pop songs and playing the friendly Indian mindless singing game of I'm-out-of-lyrics-you-take-over (antakshiri). The Ribandar Parish Youth Association would be singing English pop songs and would have an electronic synthesizer and amplified accompanying music.
The picnickers disembark from the tempo and proceed to carry towards the coconut shaded area the following objects: 2 large steel food containers (hundis), 60 loaves of bread (unde), 5 kilos of assorted fresh vegetables, 2 plastic 20 litre gallons containing drinking water, 1 pumping-type kerosene stove (prim-e-stov), 7 mats (shendris), 8 bedsheets (bedxeetan), 1 football, 18 plastic disposable cups, 6 steel tumblers, 9 plastic bottles containing 2 litres each of flavoured aerated water, and 1 hard rubber throwing ring (tenniquoit). In addition to this individuals carry their own change of clothing, towels and alcoholic refreshments - the exact quantities are impossible to quantify. The 30 picnickers had now mysteriously swelled to about 45 with a few having come on their own two-wheelers and the honourable group leader (sponsor) and his family having emerged from the tempo driver's cabin.
The youngsters immediately start a game of 'Twos and Threes'. This consists of pairs forming a circle and one pair (chaser and chasee) touch tagging each other till the chasee is exhausted and rockets into the front of a standing pair expelling the back partner who now becomes the chasee. Twos and Threes is the standard opening game at all Goan picnics and is a good icebreaker as well as providing an outlet for teeming teen libido. This is usually followed by a game of 'Dog and The Bone' which provides similar sensory satisfaction but because of the permanent nature of the coupling sometimes causes lots of teasing on the return journey (eg. singing Joklo nachta, Patsy nachta, kai borem dista).
Some of the more hormonal young males have now decided to play football on the beach and they are joined in this endeavor by the more adventurous (freak-out) of the young females. If a non-aggressive male (baizuan) joins the football team he is immediately made the goalkeeper (goalie) and in probability will display gay tendencies in later life. The freak-out females will later venture into the water to be taught swimming by the same hormonal males. These swimming lessons have no educational value as neither the teachers nor the students have the study of swimming on their mind. The gender imbalance in this activity in fact makes the female student appear like an octopus when viewed from underwater as she is surrounded by roving tentacles. The non-freak-out young females toss around the tenniquoit and pretend to be enjoying themselves while actually watching the swimming lessons enviously. These harmless coming-of-age activities are watched in good humour by the adults on the beach, none of whom learnt how to swim either.
These adults are strictly divided on a gender basis. The males sit an inward facing circle on the spread out (pattoyed) shendris and drink a light alcoholic distillate made from the juice of the caju fruit (urrack) mixed with an aerated flavoured drink (limca) from steel tumblers. They play a card game involving thirteen cards (mandicort) and not much thinking. Cursing local politicians in particular, and government servants in general, is the staple fare of the conversation. The females proceed to pump up and fire the prime-e-stov and start heating the huge hundis that contain a chicken stew (xacuti) with a lot of coconut stock and a yellow coloured rice (pulao). The younger among the adult females start cutting the vegetables to make a fresh salad (saalaad) under the constant supervision and criticism of the older adult females.
Please note at this point that changing into, and from, bathing costumes is done differently by males and females. The males wrap a towel around their waist and with deft movements from underneath manage to make the changeover. For the females it is a group activity with a small circle of females holding up bedxeetan to make a temporary changing room. Sometimes the side of a sand-docked shipping boat is used as a visual barrier but not always effectively.
Bathing costumes for males consist of the current underwear. Baizuans wear shorts over their underwear. Young females wear shorts and a t-shirt over their undergarments. Older females wear either a cotton dress (veestid) or a cotton sari (kapod). None of the latter are effective for swimming, but then at Goan picnics just dipping one's feet in the water, or wading till waist high waves, is referred to as swimming. In fact for the elders the main purpose of 'swimming' is to urinate covertly under cover of water while keeping up a strict countenance. The urine to seawater ratio at Baga beach is the highest in the world according to the National Institute of Oceanography. Non-swimming males urinate at bottom of nearest tree, bush or wall. Non-swimming females go in groups to the toilet of the nearest restaurant. The last sighting of a Goan female going alone to a public toilet was in 1971.
By now the fresh vegetable salaad is ready and the xacuti and pulao are heated enough and all are called to eat. A short prayer is said in thanksgiving as well as for a safe return journey. The prayer is led by the sponsor in Konkani. His wife, who probably is originally from Saligao, starts of the accompanying hymn in English. Lunch is served in disposable paper plates. Everyone eats with their bare hands except for the sponsor's wife who insist on a spoon. Food, plastic and paper waste is dumped on the nearest rubbish heap despite there being clearly labeled segregated garbage cans present.
After lunch everyone reverts to their pre-lunch activities except for alcohol consumption. One middle aged male insists on continuing drinking and does so despite frowns and threats from all the elders and the females. He eventually ends up throwing up on the return journey of the tempo and this will be a much talked about event for many weeks to come, much to the embarrassment of his young wife. Some of the older young males go behind some bushes and return back half an hour later coughing and with red faces. Their amateurish attempts at the manly art of cigarette smoking have been entirely successful though most of them didn't really inhale. The females who were earlier involved in preparing the food now converge in a separate group on pattoyed shendris and gossip about those who could not make it for the picnic, and the inconvenience caused by the change in the Sunday Mass timings.
It is now past sunset and the entire group of picnickers are waiting with their paraphernalia at the side of the road. Everyone is cursing the alcoholic tempo driver who has not stuck to his timing. The tempo arrives with an obviously inebriated driver who has managed to pick up a friend along the way, which fact is protested by the sponsor's wife because it means two of her children will now have to ride in the back of the open tempo with the ordinary people. The tempo now takes off with a screeching of rubber. One can hear the youngsters protesting against some Philu Aunty about the appropriateness of starting a rosary recitation when a mando medley would be more in keeping with the mood of the moment. The exhausted youngsters loose the argument against the adamant Philu Aunty.
Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, recording.
------- The column above appeared in the May 2005 issue of Goa Today magazine. ====
