'Doosre parents ke liye yeh sabak hoga' ( A Lesson for other Parent's) By: A Sunday Mid Day Correspondent http://www.mid-day.com/news/city/2005/june/111415.htm
“I did pressurise my only son Shibhu for a good percentage; he was a very average student. He took it the wrong way. Shibhu hung himself after he found that he had passed only with a borderline percentage in the 2004 SSC examinations. I still get nightmares about the night I found Shibhu hanging from the ceiling fan at our Vile Parle home. He lost his father when he was eight years old. My husband, an army officer, was killed on the Indo-Pak border. Since then, I had been taking care of him single-handedly. I also work at a kindergarten school. I gave the best to my child, but his academic performance always concerned me. Shibu studied at a convent school in Santa Cruz. He was below average in his studies, promoted purely on activities like sports and music, which he excelled in. I got him enrolled with reputed tutorials, got him to do his homework and reined in his extra-curricular activities. When I think about it, I realise this disturbed him. He got carried away by what his friends said. They belong to big business families from Juhu; for them studies are just qualifications, not a necessity in life. It was the tenth standard Board exams and Shibhu had not fared well in his prelims. I was forced to put pressure on him. In the two months before the Boards, I disconnected the cable and internet connection. I stopped him from indulging in his favourite hobbies and sports so that he would concentrate only on his studies. I often tried to make him understand that if he got a low percentage in the Boards, admission would be difficult for him. We were in a great financial crisis. Shibhu neglected my advice and requests. Eventually, frustration arose. I sometimes got violent with him. I slapped him twice in front of his school friends just one day before his first Board exam. It was a mistake. After that, he remained quiet and hardly spoke to me for the next fortnight. To make him feel happy, I arranged for a personal loan and sent him to Goa along with his friends for a 20-day holiday. But when I found that he had skipped all his computer vacation batches, I erupted again. Three days before the Board results were announced, in a fit of rage, I told him that he would never be successful in life. I said he will not even pass the examinations. I also said, ‘Mujhe doob ke marjane ka man karta hai. If the results are not up to the mark, I will end my life myself.’ Shibhu had a lot of friends whose parents were politically connected. That was how he was able to get his result two days earlier. He got to know his percentage, and he may have realised that I would be depressed. I had left no stone unturned to help him do well. Then, a day before the results were announced, Shibhu hung himself from the ceiling fan in his room. It was a depressing sight, seeing my sweetheart dead. I called my neighbours for help and rushed him to the hospital. But it was too late. I was probably too harsh on him. Woh mere jeene ka sahara tha, shayad yeh doosre parents ke liye sabak hoga, not to force their child.” Names changed to protect identity Health and child counsellor Kanan Khatau’s advice to parents: It is very important to teach children to regard success and failure as a part of life. Even Einstein and Newton were very average students at school. Performance in exams is not a measure of intelligence. All parents need to be made aware of the pressure they put on their children, whether directly or indirectly. Don’t make results a prestige issue. Encourage your child to talk to you. Tell him/ her about the times you have failed and risen after that. Most importantly, constantly monitor your child ’s behaviour and always encourage healthy dialogue Forwarded by Eddie Verdes
