About a week back I had written the following as part of a response to
George Pinto's query about why married men read the matrimonial columns:
"Try this as an experiment George. Write a lengthy cyber matrimonial
honestly describing yourself. Downplay your assets and qualities a bit. In
the section where you state what you are looking for, mention the qualities
of your wife that you most admire. If you don't have the gumption to send
it out on GoaNet then just send it to your close friends and send a c.c. to
your wife. The returns will be phenomenal. You will be pampered by her for
weeks. You can demand pleasures you only read about furtively in obscure
novels when in high school. Take it from a veteran romancer, it works."
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Here is one public response I received:
"Cecil, you have got me and I guess everyone else too,
totally confused! You are a married man, so am I. Are you advocating
we put in an advert in the matrimonial columns?
Better you than me! I am very happy to have all my organs intact,
you are hell bent on destruction."
And a few private responses, that basically said I was asking for trouble.
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Obviously some people didn't get my message. What I was advocating is
writing a Public Love Declaration for your wife in the form of a
matrimonial advert. For the hard of understanding here goes. A matrimonial
advert that I would insert.
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38 year old drinking, smoking, lazy, ill-dressed, dark complexioned,
flirtatious male with a tiny apartment, big paunch and not much of a
regular income seeks wife. She should be at least 4 inches shorter than my
5 feet 9 inches and have short hair too - preferably dyed a dark burgundy.
I want someone with bit of flesh. Not some skinny Twiggy type. Ability to
cook, clean and play guitar essential. There isn't even the remotest
possibility of me ever going abroad, so she has to deal with me constantly.
I even come home mid-day for a siesta. She has to be around 35 years, Goan,
and come from a large family of many siblings preferably all older than
her. If she comes from an island village that would be really cool.
Graduate of course, and an ability to converse in English, Hindi, Konkani
and French essential. In addition she has to take care of my two sons.
Everything. Feeding, changing, studies... the works. I will only do the
bathing and the horsing around and maybe some long rides and
dropping-off-to-school. She has to also be able to help me in my flower
delivery business. In fact she has to handle the entire flower business.
All I will do is the e-mailing and publicity. Household expenses management
on a shoestring budget is also a prime requirement. Kind hearted, warm,
confident, beautiful, caring, capable, communicative, outgoing, sexy,
vivacious, talkative, thoughtful... these are the qualities I am looking
for. I can't offer much materially but for sure there will be a lot of love
and laughter in the house.
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Get the point? Now I'm going home. Just before retiring to bed I will tell
Beatrice to check her e-mail and when she gets her GoaNet Digest.... tan
tan dan!!!
Cheers!
Cecil Pinto, Panjim - Aldona
M/ 38/ NP-CC/ H
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