THE SECRET OF THE SUPER POWER --- EXERCISE Francis Lobo Fortune magazine dated July 25, 2005 has this cartoon on the Feature page, which shows Uncle Sam saying, Boy! It turns out that getting a Ph. D. is better than steroids! Those hotshots from I.I.T. wont shove me around again! If Americans are afraid of the intellectual ability of the Indians, how come they are a Super Power? I found the answer on the beaches of Southern California. The secret to being a Super Power is physical exercise. America, the land of Opportunity provides great opportunities for all ages in the great outdoors --- The infants start life being wheeled around. T he seniors end it the same way --- being wheeled around. In fact I saw a Pram & Baby race in the park with 12 mothers & 14 infants --- some mothers have more than one infant in the pram, sitting side by side or one on top of the other --- in a two-tier pram. The American dream is to be unique. They create innovative forms of sport like the one-minute backward walk or the 5-second dash for seniors. Recently they have shown us how they can even walk in outer space. They have even managed to get their sports featuring in the Olympics like Bitch [sorry Beach] Ball & Basketball.
Some even dare to enter the water despite the sign, which reads, Beware of Sharks. However, someone had pointed the sign to the shops on the beach, where obviously he had been ripped off. Many delegate the task of exercising by stripping down to the barest minimum permitted by Law. They then lie on the beach conserving their own human energy & leaving the toning up of bones & muscles to be done by Solar Energy. This sport is also known as Sun Bathing. However, the sun can be very cruel on a tender skin & I saw a lady badly sun burnt in Church. I moved away when I realized that figuring out what the sun burn scars on her figure resembled was distracting me from fulfilling my Sunday obligations. There was this guy doing a skipping routine on the cemented portion outside the toilet --- the only hard spot on the beach. I had to do a dance routine hopping around till he finished his schedule & I could enter the toilet. The rope has always been an instrument of punishment & torture. With the invention of the stretchable rope, forms of self-inflicted torture have emerged. People tie it to parts of their body & try to tear themselves apart. I have been told that no creature before Man used the Circle for movement --- the invention of the wheel is a great human achievement. Possibly man found it out when he rolled down a hill & discovered that it was easier & faster than walking. The wheel, when attached to a human being in the form of a bicycle, is a great tool for exercising & sport. Armstrong proved that Americans are the super powers in the use of the cycle when he won the Tour De France seven times in a row after having suffered from testicular cancer. [Caution: Testicular cancer is not a requirement for mastering the art of cycling] When walking on the beach one must be careful to keep to the right side of the path because of the speed at which the cyclist race --- there are no speed restrictions on the beach. Here again Americans have brought about innumerable innovations like cycles with different size wheels, multiple gears & ones where you lie on your back & pedal with your legs in the air. Wearing a helmet while cycling is a must even for kids as I have seen some weird stunts being performed like being thrown over the handlebars. My Indian readers should not be depressed, as, I understand, that the cycles are made in either India or China. The Physio Ball or the Swiss Ball, a plastic ball available in three sizes, small, medium & large, is a recent invention. It is one & a half to two feet or more in diameter. It is probably a global response by the Swiss to the distortions their products like chocolates, cheese & other milk products are causing on the human anatomy. People use the Swiss Ball to flatten their stomachs or curve their backs. The balls cut in half are used for balancing exercises while carrying weights & other such activities. Another exercise, termed Intimacy, is a close embrace by a boy & girl. Sometimes the girl has one leg raised, I dont know why. Dogs probably learnt this habit of raising one leg from humans. The entrepreneurial spirit makes the Americans find money in any human activity & the beach is full of instructors teaching people various exercises, martial arts, yoga, etc. etc. You will find people jogging or walking with a device strapped to their arm or chest. I first thought it was meant to monitor the heartbeat or measure the calories burnt up. I was educated that this was nothing but a Walkman or a radio. Ever since the days of Frederick Winslow Taylor, who taught people how to be productive, the Americans have believed in multi-tasking. To solve the Energy & Power Crisis, especially in a State like California, the Americans have selected Arnold Schwarzenegger, the muscle man. He has advised Americans not to be Girlie Men ---- I dont know whether this refers to the men or the girls. Immigrants must use him as their role model to achieve greatness through exercise & bodybuilding. You can win world titles for a well developed body, you can win a Kennedy in marriage, you can win contracts to act in films & you can win an election to become the Governor of California the wealthiest & most bankrupt state in America.
