Joint Brand Ambassadors
Promoting the drinking of Feni worldwide.
By Cecil Pinto
The good news for Feni enthusiasts is that the Goa Government is finally
making an all-out serious attempt to get Geographical Indicator (GI) status
for The Nectar of the Gods. A Committee consisting of historians,
botanists, entrepreneurs etc has been chosen and within the next six
months, if all goes well, Feni will join the ranks of Champagne, Tequila
and Scotch. For those of you not yet in the know, GI status is conferred on
any product that can be proven to be unique to a particular region. Hence
only whiskey made in Scotland can be called Scotch Whiskey and only the
distillate of the blue agaves in Mexico can be bottled and branded as
Tequila. When Feni gets GI status it will be possible to ban say some
distillery in Karnataka from distilling Caju juice and marketing it as
Feni. Of course we can't stop jeep loads of men from Karnataka from coming
to Goa and getting completely blotto on Feni, but that is another problem
altogether.
GI status is being sought for Feni in general - which will effectively
cover Maad (palm) and Caju (cashew) Feni. What is not public knowledge is
that the Goa Government has, for a change, foreseen the commercial and
cultural advantages of having GI status and has already started a
multi-pronged effort to 'brand' Feni and give it a superior status both
nationally and internationally. This is to obliterate the current warped
perception of Feni as a cheap moonshine drink. As we all know the Mumbai
advertising and media industry is thickly populated with talented and
creative Goans at all levels. A Feni Branding Committee (FBC) has been
formed made up of the cream of this Goan talent and is headed by
advertising guru Gerson da Cunha. Their brief is very clear. Make Feni a
desirable alcoholic beverage internationally.
The FBC had its first meeting in January this year and on the 19th of
February closed-door auditions were held at the Black Box in Kala Academy
to choose a Brand Ambassador for Feni. Fortunately my good friend Jose
Lourenco (of Amazing Goa fame) got wind of this secret auditioning and
alerted me. We gate-crashed the auditions. I recognized Gerson on the three
member judges panel. The other two I didn't know, but one definitely looked
like a government bureaucrat. Before anyone could react Jose and me pulled
up a table and two chairs on to the stage and slammed down a bottle of Caju
Feni, two glasses and a bottle of water. We poured ourselves a half-quarter
each and looked around as though this was perfectly normal.
Gerson bellowed at the security guards, "Get those clowns of the stage!"
I yelled back at him, "Ha! You go around wearing a clown mask and call us
clowns? Who's this female singing? What's her qualification to be brand
ambassador for Feni?"
Jose whispered to me, "That's Hema Sardesai."
"So Hema," I asked, "since when have you been drinking Feni?"
"Actually I don't drink", said Hema.
"Out!!", we both roared. Gerson and his team were too stunned to react so
we took advantage of the situation and Jose screamed out, "Next!", while I
quickly refilled our glasses. To our surprise in walked Remo Fernandes with
his guitar. Remo started belting out a new composition extolling the
virtues of Feni. Jose whispered to me, "This is serious competition for
us". I told him not to worry and just unplugged Remo's amplifier cord.
"You're from Siolim, right? Where some of the best Caju Feni comes from?",
I asked.
"Yes", sneered Remo.
"What is cajulo?", I asked.
Remo appeared stunned, "I know cashew juice is fermented and distilled to
get urrack. This is then re-distilled to get Caju Feni. I don't know what
is cajulo"
I faced the by-now-grinning Gerson da Cunha, "You honour, this candidate
lives near some of the best Caju stills in Goa but has no idea how Feni is
made. And we send him out into the world to promote Feni? Secondly he has
written songs about politicians and drugs and what not, but not once about
The Nectar of the Gods. And now suddenly he is singing the praises of a
drink he obviously knows nothing about. I think he is an opportunist and
not a Brand Ambassador!"
By now we had the respect of the jury and Remo was hustled off the stage as
we waited for the next contestant - and refilled our glasses.
Prince Jacob walked in dressed as a huge cashew fruit with the nut, well...
in the correct place. Jose by now had come into his element and asked
Prince Jacob, "When was Palm Feni first distilled by the Franciscan monks?
When did the cashew plant first reach Goan shores from Brazil? What is the
etymology of the word Feni?" Prince Jacob did not even attempt answering
and just walked away with his nut intact.
By now the judges were grinning away and Gerson bellowed, "Ok! Ok! We get
the point. What do you guys want?"
I spoke first, "Sir, we want to be appointed as joint Brand Ambassadors for
Feni. We think we are more qualified than some model or actor or singer.
Jose Lourenco here is a treasure house of absolutely trivial but impressive
information, and I have been drinking Feni all my adult life. I have
successfully got Feni back at wedding receptions and five-star bars. I have
dedicated most of my disposable time and income to sourcing out and
consuming good Feni and..."
Jose interrupted, "And I, Sir, published a book on the Parish Churches of
Goa and am researching about Mud House Building Technology."
Gerson asked, "And what has that got to do with being a Brand Ambassador?"
I saved the situation by saying, "You see Sir, when we set up our drinking
table at Tourism and Industry pavilions all over the world we should be
recognized as cultured people from a cultured place imbibing of a drink
which promotes good culture, knowledge, wellbeing and health. I can do
fifteen pushups in twenty seconds."
Before Gerson could figure out the logic of that the government bureaucrat
on the jury asked the obvious question, "What do I get if I appoint you as
joint brand ambassadors? Remember this is big time. You will get state-paid
jaunts all over the world to promote Feni. Plus you will be paid quite
handsomely too, for your services. What's my cut?"
"Well Sir I have these three bottles of awesome Caju Feni from Sanvordem.
It was made using the clay pipe method some five years back and the bottles
are stored at the cool bottom of my well at home. I was saving them for my
son's First Holy Communion but perhaps I can spare you one bottle now. I
assure you it will be the best Feni you have ever tasted. Smooth, mature,
ripe with...."
"Done!", shouted Gerson.
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The humour column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 23rd February 2006.
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