One would have scarcely anticipated a problem among Goans in Canada with regard to looking after aged parents, but there is a big problem nevertheless. Silent but big.
Here are two typical cases (all names replaced). Case A Rosy has emigrated to Canada about 3 years ago. She has managed to get herself a reasonable job from the start that allows her to live a decent if struggling life. Her husband Peter is not as lucky. He holds down whatever he can but gets laid off often. He has no marketable skills and no foresight to enroll in further education. They have 3 children and are quite content. Rosy has a married sister Anna who has been longer in Canada then she has. Her family is much better off. Rosy's mother in Goa pleaded with her daughters to come to Canada so she could be looked after and be near her closest kin. Rosy applied for the visa and Anna paid for the fare but beyond that Anna wanted nothing more to do with her mother. She just couldn't be bothered. Rosy looks after the mother at great personal sacrifice and hardship but with a willing and happy heart. Rosy is a good daughter. The mother however now has Parkinsons and it is becoming increasingly difficult for Rosy to manage. She suggests very reluctantly to her mother that they find a place in a good long-term care facility even if it means further financial sacrifice for Rosy. Her husband is also giving her a hard time, out of his own frustrations. The mother stubbornly refuses. She sends Rosy on all sorts of guilt trips. Rosy decides never to bring up that again. The sister knows all this, but beyond taking her mother for a birthday in the family and occasions like that, will not lift a finger. Rosy is a hard worker. She is intelligent too and her boss who is afraid she may replace her, makes all kind of trouble to get her to leave. Rosy is depressed and at the end of her tether. Case B Amy is a Bank VP and her husband a CIO. Both earn well above average income and are affluent. The house has been paid for and the children have graduated and are working. Amy has 2 brothers - one in the USA and the other in India. Both are also well off. The one in the USA is worth millions. He runs his own outfit. They come from an affluent family in India. The mother has been left a large house by her husband and has divided it into two parts - one for each son. Each part if sold could make even a wealthy person retire. The daughter has been left nothing. The mother lives in her own section and is being treated hostilely by her two daughters-in-law. She asks her daughter to be taken to Canada. The daughter obliges. Her husband is a good man. After a few years, the mother becomes an invalid due to a degenerative disease. The daughter seeks to put the mother in a long term care unit. The mother refuses, she is terrified of living with someone other than family. Amy asks her brother in the US to take the mum there. He wants nothing to do with it. He says he has a business to run. The daughter reminds him of what the mother has left for him. He is unmoved. The other son in India is a high Govt official. He pleads that he is constantly being transferred and cannot provide due care. None of the three want to spend the money required to get personal care at home, which is rather expensive. There is only so much Amy's husband wants to do for his mother in law. The mother is at the end of the tether. She is miserable and so are Amy and her husband. Money can solve everything but nobody wants to part with it. The mother wants the status quo, the sons think Amy took her to Canada and is now responsible and Amy does not want her mother at home. -- Roland Francis _______________________________________________ Goanet mailing list [email protected] http://lists.goanet.org/listinfo.cgi/goanet-goanet.org
