[Goanet] SOIRIKEN KAZAR (Arranged marriage) ? Part 1

[domnic fernandes]

SOIRIKEN KAZAR (Arranged marriage) – Part 1

Once the creation of the universe was complete, the Lord God took some soil 
from the ground and formed a man out of it, He breathed life-giving breath 
into his nostrils and the man began to live.  Then the Lord God placed the 
man in the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and guard it.  Then the Lord God 
said, “It is not good for the man to live alone.  I will make a suitable 
companion to help him.”  So he took some soil from the ground and formed all 
the animals and all the birds.  Then the Lord God made the man fall into a 
deep sleep and while he was sleeping, he took out one of the man’s ribs and 
closed up the flesh.  He formed a woman out of the rib and brought her to 
him.  Then the man said, “At last, here is one of my own kind – bone taken 
from my bone, and flesh from my flesh.  ‘Woman’ is her name because she was 
taken out of man.”  That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is 
united with his wife, and they become one.  And this is how a man and woman 
have lived together ever since.

The world is changing rapidly though – yesterday was a totally different 
story and so was life.  As early as the last century, man cultivated fields, 
reared cattle, fished in the seas and lived for the day.  He did not sell 
his products but exchanged rice, cereals and vegetables for fish, coconuts, 
spices, etc. – he followed the barter system unknowingly.  However, as time 
went by, currencies were introduced and man became a trader and began to 
sell his products.

In the olden days, joint family was the norm.  People lived jointly and 
happily.  Life was a common factor; nobody spoke in the first person – I did 
this or I did that, or my son did this or my daughter did that, or it’s my 
family or my house.  Everyone spoke in plural -“amcho put, amchi dhuv, 
amchem ghor, amcho kuttumb, amchem xet, amcho zago, adi” (our son, our 
daughter, our house, our family, our fields, our place, etc.)  They 
consulted each other, shared each other’s joys and sorrows and lived in 
harmony.  There was no much chance for quarrels between a husband and wife 
because they were always surrounded by the family members.  If anyone 
noticed friction between a married couple, the family members patched it up 
before it could even show signs of smoke.  One does not come across that 
kind of cooperation and coordination these days.  Today, “zonn eklo apnnank, 
Dev somestank” (each one is for himself; God for all.)  Even marriages were 
arranged within a family.  When a girl grew up, her parents decided to give 
her away in marriage – the sooner the better.  They arranged for a suitable 
boy and got her married.  The quality of life has improved so much now that 
girls mature by the age of 10.  In the olden days, the quality of life was 
so poor that most girls matured after they reached the age of 13 or 14 and 
sometimes even 15 or later; this is still the case with some poor families 
who barely have a square meal per day.

Marriageable age for educated girls today is between 23 to 28 though some 
girls get married immediately after completion of High School or College 
i.e., at the age of 18 or 20.  In the past, boys got married at the age of 
18; they now get married between the age of 25 and 30.  Nowadays, since most 
marriages take place between two working partners, a girl takes up a job as 
soon as she graduates in order to gain work experience as well as to earn 
some money.  This was not the case in the past.  A girl was considered a big 
burden to the family because the parents had to spend money to bring her up 
(remember most people were poor), clothe her and give her basic education so 
she was able to read and write or at least sign her name and then get her 
married.  The longer she remained in the house, the more a burden she became 
to the family.

The moment a girl matured, the thought of getting her married dawned on her 
parents’ mind and they would begin to look for a boy in earnest so they 
didn’t have to continue to bear the expenses of feeding her.  Many times, 
marriages were arranged at very young age; as young as 13 or 14 years old – 
mothers who have become great grandmothers and who may be in their eighties 
or nineties today will vouch for this fact.  If a girl had not matured, she 
would be kept in the custody of her mother-in-law until she did and then she 
would be allowed to live with her husband.  Some relatives reserved a girl 
for a boy right at the age of 2 or 3.  Whenever relatives or guests visited 
the place, the grandmother would point to the boy and announce to visitors 
that that boy was their future nath-zanvuim (grand son-in-law).

Initially, girls were exchanged between families, free of charge, just as 
they exchanged food products.  But gradually it was felt that they should 
get some kind of compensation for bringing up the girl.  What is today 
considered ‘dowry’ actually began as a help to a daughter when she was given 
away in marriage.  To begin with, they gave a few household items like a 
pair of “tambeache kollxe” (brass pots), a “vattli” (brass plate) and 
sometimes a young goat or a calf which would serve as a source of milk for 
the mother and her child/children.  Those who owned properties sometimes 
parted with a piece of land so their daughter and her husband could 
cultivate rice, vegetables, millets, etc. and live on the produce.  As time 
went by, the little gifts turned into expensive habits with high demand for 
cash, which ultimately came to be known as ‘dowry’ and became the curse of 
the society taking away lives of innocent girls, all for the sake of greed!

Girls were initially given away in marriage among close relatives.  Very 
often “ek bacho mamachea cheddva lagim kazar zatalo” (a nephew would get 
married to his mother’s brother’s daughter.)  This system was prevalent 
until about the middle of the last century.  The church then introduced a 
rule whereby it forbade first cousins from getting married to each other, 
but one could still do so by obtaining a dispensation from the church by 
paying a small fee.

A girl’s parents were the final authority on a marriage.  Nobody dared to go 
against their wish.  It was customary for a girl’s parents or elderly 
relatives to approach a boy’s relatives with a proposal for their girl.  
They enquired about the boy and decided whether or not he was fit for their 
daughter.  The girl had no say in the matter.  She was just given away in 
marriage.

Gradually, population increased and family members spread out in different 
villages.  Distance between families became a factor and it became quite 
difficult for people to communicate with each other, especially when they 
wanted to look for a boy for their girl.  This is where somebody came up 
with a bright idea of becoming a “soirik’kar” (match-maker) who went from 
one village to the other enquiring about girls/boys wanting to get married 
and arranging marriages for them.

A soirik’kar used the neighborhood to get information on a boy/girl.  He 
would enter a house, greet the family with a smile on his face and enquire: 
“Tumi koxim asat?  Tumchi bolaiqui koxi asa? (How are you?  How is your 
health?)  If men from the house were employed in Bombay or abroad, he would 
ask them:  “Tomazinhachi khobor mevlea?  Chitt kednam eileli?  To suttier 
ghora kednam ieta?”  (Is there any news from Tomazinho? When did he write 
you last?  When is he coming down on vacation?)  He would then gradually 
open the topic of “soirik” (proposal).  “Umkea ghorabeak ek cheddum zai 
aslem.  Tumchi dhuv vaddon kazarachem zalam dekun hanvem chintlem tumchea 
lagim khobor kaddunk taka kazar korunk tumi chintlam zalear.”  (Since your 
daughter has reached the age of marriage, I thought I’d enquire with you if 
you had given it a thought to get her married.)  A marriage arranged by a 
soirik’kar was known as “soiriken kazar” (arranged marriage).

Today, educational qualifications, a good job/business and wealth standard 
are the main qualities which people look for and are taken into 
consideration while deciding a couple’s future.  Well, in days gone by, 
generally there were no High School Certificates or Degrees to be produced 
as the education level was the lowest.  Anyone who could read or write or 
sign his/her name was considered a literate person.  As such, the 
qualifications/credentials that a soirik’kar presented were:

The girl knows to read and write or knows to sign her name or that she 
passed Primeiro Grau or Segundo Grau or “cheddum don clasi xiklam” (the girl 
has studied two classes.)  One of the qualifications that was much in demand 
in the last century in the absence of education was “Xivonn-Suth” (a sewing 
course) – I have written in detail about this in my article of the same 
title.  Girls, who belonged to peasant/fisher folk families and had no 
educational background, were assessed on their daily work.  If a girl helped 
her mother cook food at home and carried food items to her father and 
brothers in the fields - “pez” (canja) in a “manon” at around 9:00 a.m., and 
lunch at around 12:00 p.m. - she was considered a homely girl.  If she 
happened to be the eldest daughter and had five or six brothers or sisters, 
it meant an additional feather on her cap, as that served as an experience 
certificate in raising a family.  Furthermore, if she fetched water from a 
well in the next ward, it meant the girl knew her responsibilities and did 
not shy away from work.  Still furthermore, if she cultivated field and did 
orchard plantation – “kande, mirsango, jitrob,” (onion plants, chili plants, 
vegetables,) etc. it meant she knew how to plan and make provision for a 
household.  The biggest qualification was:  “Cheddum koxtti, ekdom mogall 
ani Dev-bhirantichem” (The girl is a hard worker, very loving and 
God-fearing).

A boy’s parents always preferred to have a poor girl for a daughter-in-law 
because she would easily adjust to the new environment as compared to a girl 
from the middle class or rich family who could create problems to boy’s 
family because of her status.  However, sometimes a poor girl also behaved 
totally differently than expected, especially when she was entrusted full 
authority; power would hit her head.  This is where the family members would 
regret and say:  “Dekonk naslelem deklem kalum, khuimche kailin ghalum?”  
The proverb roughly means to be obsessed and get carried away with power.

As a young boy, I knew one person who was a soirik’kar.  His name was Inacin 
(Inacio) Fernandes but he was known to all as “Soirik’kar Inas”.  He lived 
in the vicinity of Sucorro cemetery. He always wore a white shirt and short 
pant; he walked bare feet; he chewed “panancho dent” (tobacco leaf stem.)  
He was the one who arranged the second marriage of our neighbor, Simao 
Fernandes, with Moru (Maria) from Vaddem, Sucorro.  We called her “mavxi” – 
a title given in those days to a woman who married a widower.  Maria had 
one-year-old illegitimate child from a “Paklo” (Portuguese soldier) who had 
raped* her.  The child was very cute and fair in complexion; just like a 
foreigner; I liked her very much.  People in those days were so God-fearing 
that they would rather bear an illegitimate child and face the world than go 
for an abortion.  Maria wanted a father’s name for her daughter; hence, she 
agreed to marry Simao who was in his early sixties.  Maria was a well-built 
woman; she was “koxtti”; she smoked “pananchi viddi” (a cigar made out of 
tobacco leaf wrapped to a jackfruit leaf – also known as “pamparo”.  She had 
never worn sandals in her lifetime; she walked bare feet; so, her feet were 
very broad.  Although my mother wore size 9 shoes, even those wouldn’t fit 
her.  Finally, she went to church bare feet.  I still recall how we, my 
sister and I, prepared a crown for her out of our Holy Communion crowns.  
Maria wore my mother’s wedding gown and “filo” (tulle) and the couple went 
to church by Pundalik’s “boilanchi gaddi” (bullock ridden carriage) from 
Bhattin. Unfortunately, Maria’s marriage to Simao lasted hardly two years, 
as Simao’s daughter, Rozin (Regina), who lived in Poona, returned home and 
drove “mavxi” and her daughter, Filsu (Felicidade) out of the house.  
Maria’s main purpose to get married was to give a father’s name to her 
daughter, which she got and thus she was successful in her mission.

*Nobody likes rapes and it is not something that started post-liberation 
with the marching in of the Indian troups.  Rapes by “Pakle” were quite 
common during the Portuguese regime in Goa.  I witnessed one at the age 12 
when I traveled to Mapusa to Escola Tecnica on my bicycle.  When I reached 
the Doxixira peak and was about to sit on my bicycle to go down the slope, I 
noticed two Pakle attacked a man on his bicycle, pulled away his wife and 
dragged her into the bushes on the hill.  Poor husband could not do anything 
as one of them threatened to shoot him by pointing a revolver to his temple. 
 I waited on the peak until Pakle were out of my sight and only then I 
descended the slope.  The poor husband stopped me and said:  “Polloi re 
baba, Pakleanim forsan moje bailek khankeantli voddun kaddun veli ani tika 
ghevn dongrar geleat.”  (Look, the Pakle forcibly took my wife from my arms 
and took her on the hill.)  My brother-in-law, Frank Rose, who is much elder 
to me and who has seen more life during the Portuguese rule than me, till 
today remembers with disgust, the rape incidents by Pakle who mercilessly 
snatched wives and daughters from their husbands and fathers at gunpoint 
while they walked on the roads or traveled on bicycles to satisfy their 
lust.

Today, obesity is considered dangerous for health but half a century ago, it 
was seen as a sign of prosperity - a well-built person was considered a 
healthy person so much so if a person lost weight, the elderly would 
immediately ask:  “Baba/bae, kitem zalam tuka puta/dhuve; disandis 
bagonso/bagonxem voitai?  Dotorak ba mevlai mure/mungho?     Mogacho rog ba 
lagonk nam mure/mungho tuka?  (Boy/girl what’s wrong with you; you seem to 
lose weight by the day?  Did you consult a doctor?  I hope you are not 
suffering from ‘loveria!’)  If a girl was very thin in nature, it was 
difficult to find a boy for her; people feared she may be suffering from a 
disease and that they may end up with a sickly family member.  Here it was 
the duty of a soirik’kar to play his role and sell the product – girl.  If a 
boy complained about a thin girl, the “soirik’kar” would remind him of the 
good old saying:  “Zannaim mure baba, ‘barik nolli, funkunk bori.’  Ek pavt 
kazar zatoch ani varem bhortuch, apunnuch bail motti zateli” (You know son, 
‘a thin pipe is good to blow.’  Once you get married and pump the air, your 
wife will automatically become fat.)  By the same token, it was difficult to 
find a boy for a fat girl and this is where dowry came in handy.  Generally, 
obese girls came from well-to-do families.  So, dowry was not a big problem 
for them; they kept on increasing the dowry amount every time a proposal was 
rejected, but most boys were not interested in obese girls.  They didn’t 
want to walk beside an “ontonn” (one tonne) girl.  When proposed, they would 
comment:  “Konn tea ontonn cheddva lagim kazar zatolo ani konn saiba to 
monnvar choloitolo?”  (Who will marry that one tonne girl and steer that 
warship?)  Do you remember the line from one of late Alfred Rose’s songs:  
“Ghov asa tarvar, choloita monnvar?”  The boys’ parents were also reluctant 
to accept an obese girl because it would cost them too much to feed her!

A soirik’kar usually charged Rs.500 per arranged marriage.  He asked for an 
advance of Rs.50 to cover transportation, which actually did not exist then, 
but he used the locally available fuel – the fenni – to run his self 
two-wheeler (feet) which took him anywhere he wished.  When a “soirik” was 
fixed, he demanded another advance of Rs.50.  If a “soirik” clicked, upon 
finalization of the deal, he collected the balance Rs.400.  Besides, at 
every visit, he took his “resanv” (tips) in the form of liquor, and at least 
Rs.10 from the other party; again, as transportation charges.  When people 
were pleased with his service, they gave him extra tips and sometimes they 
even gave him a shirt.  Once a couple was married, he would pass by the 
groom’s house after a week, enquire with them if they were happily married 
and then use them as an example to whoever he approached with new proposals. 
 Of course, everyone knows that ‘a new broom sweeps well’ and that saying 
is applicable to a newly married couple as well.

Elderly women who served the Goan society as “soirik’karni”, also charged 
Rs.500 per arranged marriage deal plus they demanded a good “kapodd” (sari).

In the past, since we had arranged-marriage system, if a marriage did not 
work, people immediately blamed the person who arranged the marriage.

Soirik’kar Inas was quite a good bluff master; he had to or else he wouldn’t 
be able to sell his product - vokol-novro (prospective bride-groom).  If a 
girl or a boy had a defect, it was up to him to make up a story and present 
his product in such a manner that it would be accepted, but this is where 
sometimes marriages went wrong and when that happened people uttered the old 
adage:  “Borem zalear vokol-novreachem nam zalear [padd poddonv] 
soirik’karachem” (If a marriage succeeds, it is the couple’s good luck, if 
it doesn’t, curse be upon the match-maker.)  Here I remember one of the 
yesteryear tiatro titled “Soirik’kar Salu” by the late M. Dod de Verna in 
which the late Champion Peter played a comedian’s role.  It was a very good 
semi-comedy tiatro; it’s a pity we don’t get to see that type of tiatros 
these days.

Here are the lyrics of a song by Ms. Betty Naaz which speaks about “soirik”:

“MHAKA SOIRIK” by Betty Naaz

Mhaka soirik nhoi re zali, novrean utrachi mudi ghaili
Mhaka soirik nhoi re zali, novrean utrachi mudi ghaili
Maim-pain kazrachi mojea, toieari keli, novreak mezun dothi
Maim-pain kazrachi mojea, toieari keli, novreak mezun dothi

Hathak ghalun kanknnam chuddo, dakovnk bonvtam sogllo vaddo
Hathak ghalun kanknnam chuddo, dakovnk bonvtam sogllo vaddo
Resperak hanv vetelim, rostea velean, tambddi sotri lavn
Resperak hanv vetelim, rostea velean, tambddi sotri lavn

Novro sobit dista rupan, zoso suria dista kupan
Novro sobit dista rupan, zoso suria dista kupan
Dekun kalliz ravonam, orlent vo supan, dorin dista gopan
Dekun kalliz ravonam, orlent vo supan, dorin dista gopan

Novrean lens dila sedacho, doxim bhangrachea bordacho
Novrean lens dila sedacho, doxim bhangrachea bordacho
Tacho pormoll mogacho, jasmin fulancho, adhar fuddaracho
Tacho pormoll mogacho, jasmin fulancho, adhar fuddaracho

(From Dom’s antique shelf)

Once a proposal was received, the boy’s parents would begin to enquire about 
girl’s character, her parent’s/family’s background, her looks, education, 
etc.  Only after such an enquiry was conducted they would send a word to the 
girl’s family informing them that they would visit them on a particular day. 
 Once they entered the girl’s house, they looked all around and within one 
look they guessed their standard.  After a while, the girl would enter the 
sitting room with a cup of tea in her hand (there were no trays then) and 
offer it to the prospective groom.  Her entry gave an opportunity to 
everyone to have a look at the girl, especially if the proposing groom 
belonged to another place.  At times, the bride would feel shy and run 
inside the house at which the boy’s father would say:  “Tumchi dhuv 
danvpanui borem uxear asa!”  (Your daughter is also good in running!)  If 
they liked the girl, both the parents would set a “tarik” (date) and further 
discussion on the proposal would take place.  It was always a girl’s parents 
who approached boy’s parents with a proposal - not the other way round.

Besides dowry, people from boy’s side discussed modalities of “doth-dennem” 
(dowry and things to be given to the bride as gifts) such as “rop” 
(garments) which was required to be given in “goddieanim” (in folds), 
toleanim bhangar (gold ornaments in tolas [a unit of weight of India equal 
to 180 grains or 0.4114 ounce]).  They would ask:  “Tumche dhuvek tumi kitle 
tole bhangar diteleat; kitlea toleanchim kanknnam; kitlea toleancho jogh?” 
(How many tolas of gold would you give to your daughter, especially how many 
tolas worth bangles; how many tolas worth necklace set?).

“Uprant denneanchem ulovp zatalem zoxe porim:  Savlleachea/ponnsachea 
moderachi almar; xivpachem makn – Pfaff vo Singer; tambonn, zoxe porim 
tambieo; udok bhorun dovrunk vhoddlo kollso; bhaincher thavn udok haddunk 
kollxeanchi dodd; tost; udok tapovnk/bhat ukddunk moddki ani bhatacho dovlo; 
konfro, adi.”  (Then they would open the topic of the gifts to be given to 
the bride, like a cupboard made of teakwood/jackwood; a Pfaff or Singer 
brand sewing machine; copper utensils like a small pot for bathing; a large 
pot to store water; a pair of pots to fetch water from a well; a basin to 
place plates after food; a large pot to warm water/boil paddy, and a large 
spoon to remove boiled paddy from “moddki”; a large copper/aluminum utensil 
with a lid to prepare san’nas.)  If the girl’s parents didn’t agree to their 
demand, sometimes the proposal would not work.  Whenever a proposal failed, 
word spread all over the village like wild fire and people then hesitated to 
approach that family with a proposal – the result?  The girl would remain a 
spinster and end up as a “beatin” (unmarried pious female.)  Do you remember 
the famous Goan Deknni “Dogi Tegi Beatinim?”  Here are its lyrics:

Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak
Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak

Eklen haddla mann’sacho kopo
Dusren haddla bol poderacho
Tisren haddla re xevtto rechar kelolo

Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak
Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak

Aga, aga mirni dotora
Tum re sang Padr Vigarak
Padri Vigar ghara nam zalear sang tachea kurak

Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak
Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak

Ekli korta tersu rezaru
Dusri korta orasanv mentaru
Tisri marta re ordd’ddear dumkeanche faru

Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak
Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak
Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak
Dogi tigi beatinim aileo kumsarak

In many cases, the girl’s parents could not afford to meet the demands of 
dowry, but they would agree and then go about taking loans from their 
neighbors and relatives with the promise that the loan would be settled as 
soon as their son began to work.  Thus, a son who had not even started to 
work would already have a pile of loans to be cleared.  Many “Basurkars” 
(Goans employed in the Gulf – refer to my article of the same title) were a 
great financial help to their neighbors and relatives.  By the same token, 
many lost their houses, fields/properties because they could not repay 
loans.  Sometimes, an agriculturist took a loan on the only pair of oxen 
that he owned which was his only source of daily bread.  When he failed to 
repay the loan, many times, he had to surrender the pair of oxen to the 
person; the result?  He would almost starve to death!

Here are the lyrics of a beautiful song by the genius of the Konkani stage 
which talks about “doth” (dowry):

“DOTHIK RODDTAT” By the late Minguel Rod

I
Kitkim cheddvam aiz, fula sarkim sobon
Boro to vas tancho veta ubon
Avoi-bapui tancho, lojen veta bhagon
Hem fokot ghoddta dothink lagon

Chorus
Maim-paiche bhirantin vaddon kitkim cheddvam zalint vhoddlim
Doth nam mhunn kazar zavnk dukhanim roddlim
Gupit avoi-bapaik sangonastannam ganv-ghoram soddlim
Aiz mevot tanchea hathin poddlim

II
Ti doth geinam zalear, sang mhaka tum morot
Tum boro asot duddvanim ghor bhorot
Lagot tor ek duens, gheta ti doth khuim urot
Zavn oxem zanvuim mavoddea pavlet porot

Chorus
Soirik moddun thodde ankvar ravon sukon zalet zorodd
Thoddeanchea matheak poddlem khorodd
Uskean thoddeanchem ankvarponn posisanvank lagon borodd
Kazar zanvk dothik roddtat zorodd

III
Heam dothinim cheddvancho fuddar pirdear kela
Hi doth ghevn konn sorgar gela
Ozaranim ghetli doth, to upasanim mela
Tor sangat dothin konn gireost zala.

Chorus
Kazar zatannam tor ixtta ozaranim doth tum getolo
Faleam oklancho pai tunvui zatolo
Vaitt vo borem ghoddon tukam haddleli doth tum khatolo
Tednam tuka utrancho mojea ugddas ietolo

(From Dom’s antique shelf)

By now, most of the above-mentioned formalities, including dowry system, 
have disappeared in Goa, though they still exist in some interior pockets of 
the state.  The arranged marriage system, too, has disappeared.  But such 
formalities, especially the demand for dowry still prevails in other parts 
of India where it has become a bride-killer disease!

Today, parents give as many gifts as they can afford to their daughter like 
gold ornaments, a washing machine, a microwave, a Kinetic Honda scooter, a 
Santro or Maruthi car, a flat to live in, etc.

Nowadays, very few “soiriken kazar zatat” (get married through proposal).  
Goa is renowned for love marriages where a boy and a girl falls in love and 
decides to get married.  Hardly anyone bothers about the caste system now.  
Moreover, inter-caste marriages (read religion), which was a taboo in the 
past, is also very common these days.  Unfortunately, there are many broken 
marriages in Goa today and divorce cases in courts are on the increase.

Once “kazarachem utor” (an engagement word/promise) was sealed, a sweet meat 
or some article of value like a dress piece or a wrist watch or a gold 
ornament brought by the delegation was gifted to the bride-to-be, signifying 
the acceptance of the proposal.  Both the parents then rushed to make the 
necessary arrangements to have an “utrachi mudi” (ring engagement) ceremony. 
 The reason for rushing was they were afraid the proposal might fizzle out. 
 The prospective groom, his parents and close family members visited the 
girl’s house where the ring engagement took place.  The blessing of the ring 
was done by the parish priest/the curate (nowadays, Sheikhs from the Gulf 
and politicians do the honor; hence, there is no blessing on the “mudi” 
[ring]) followed by a tea party.

Once the engagement was over, the whole community knew that the girl was 
engaged – she then became off-limits to all the boys from the community.  
Even known boys from her neighborhood with whom she played, kept away from 
her because they didn’t wish to be a thorn in the process which could break 
the engagement.  Once engaged, the girl was not allowed to go about alone 
anywhere; even when she went to the market, she was always accompanied 
either by her younger sister or brother.  Today, once a couple is engaged, 
they are seen together everywhere – at functions, dances, picnics, movies, 
tiatros, etc.  They even travel away from home and enjoy the bliss, which 
actually should be reserved after marriage.  Very often, the couple delays 
to get married for a long period and there comes a time when ‘grapes become 
sour’ and both of them get separated.  But today’s society is different; 
somehow, the girl manages to get married – may not be with a Goan but with 
an outsider – “Dolleam add, sonvsar padd” (Anything goes out of sight).

Continued ……….

Moi-mogan,

Domnic Fernandes
Anjuna/Dhahran, KSA

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