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Domestic Violence Act only to protect wives from husbands and not vice-versa
?
Readers may be reminded that Domestic Violence Act (DV Act) 2005 come into
effect from
yesterday (26th Oct 2006) is primarily meant to provide protection to wife or
female live-in
partner from violence at the hands of the husband or male live-in partner or
his relatives.
Besides physical violence, the law also covers verbal and emotional violence
such as
name-calling, insults etc
It is true majority of women are victims of domestic violence. We know/see,
read or hear about
it all the times. So, not much is talked about it here . The law would go a
long way to
provide relief to women from domestic violence.
When read the morning newspapers following headlines were read:
Beware husbands! Beating or insulting your wife from tomorrow (26th Oct) can
land you in jail
with a fine of up to Rs.20,000.
Love your wife or go to jail
Well, in this fast changing world, if 70% of women are victims of domestic
violence, I
would also say remaining (upto 30%) are men who are victims of domestic
violence.
So, in another words, DV Act only covers about two third of the domestic
violence victims ?
JoeGoaUk brings to you some of the most popular fact based cases of DV where
Men are also
the victims of so called domestic violence. (Names/places have been changed to
protect
identity).
Case 1:
My name is Saboo (Sabastiao), tall, stylish and handsome looking guy and I
wont leave home
without my ray ban, girls were dying on me yet I never had a proper girlfriend.
I had every
thing that a young man in mid 20s should have except one I am illiterate
Cannot even sign
my name. I did go to school up to Std II ( early 70s, I was about 15) but
never been a good
boy and I blame the bad company I had in school. I somehow managed to go to
abroad/Kuwait and
within 18 months I came back due to then Iraqi invasion on Kuwait. I am now
starting crossing
my marriageable age and desperately looking for bride. Through friends and
family, I did go
to see or meet many prospective brides (Soirik). I visited their houses,
sometimes meeting was
arranged at Margao - Longuinhos, Marliz or at Grace church terrace. Within 2
months, I may
have met at least 50 prospective brides with their families. Mostly, I was
rejected because of
my illiteracy.
But this one, not looking good at all, knowing all about me accepted as I am
(remember, I was
fed up and was desperate too) and finally got married. I was 33 she was 26.
Trouble started in just one week of our marriage. She overtook almost
everything. I was
forced to leave my friends (males) and I had to leave them without even
assigning any reasons.
Strict timing to return home by 7pm. Shouting, screaming and even assaulting
physically
become part of my life and all these things were happening strictly well within
the four
walls. Once, she threw a tin (Milkmaid) and it hit me on my forehead which
resulted in 3
stitches at the local doctors. She was very good to others or none will
believe in me if
told about her.
We dont go out together, she would never even take me with her to my in-laws.
There are
problems everyday and night. I never had any affair and I still remained loyal
to her we have
two beautiful girls eldest being now 19. Which made me never to tell this to
anyone (except
one), never even thought of separation or divorce.
Case 2.
My name is Polly and I am from North Goa.
I am not so good looking (with dark complexion) but I was happy go lucky with
my small tourist
transport business with 5/6 people/drivers working under me. The business was
good but I had a
large friend circle which means always eating and drinking out. There was no
saving at all on
top the bank loans (taken to purchase cars). We did not even have a decent
house, for this, I
never took anyone at home and instead entertained them outside- restaurant etc.
I am now 32
and time to settle down but what I have in saving ? Nothing!
Thinking of going abroad by giving up this transport business as I knew I would
never be able
to save in Goa. Just around this time, there come the first Soirik (marriage
proposal) a
Goan girl from UK (just been to UK 14 months). Looking at her I said to myself
she!! never
as she was equally of dark complexion as mine. She is dark, I am dark, how
this will work ?
So I reject the proposal. But the same night I was thinking may be this is a
good opportunity
to get out from Goa (by joining wife in UK) and it was quick too as the girls
were ready for
Civil marriage during her visit to Goa.
Next morning, I arranged a second meeting and within 3 day we got married in
Civil Court
followed by church wedding within 4 months with a grand reception mostly at the
brides cost.
Within two months I joined my wife in UK.
It took me only one week to realize that all is not well with our marriage.
All of a sudden, she started acting superior to me. Always shouting, swearing,
throwing things
etc etc. Almost everyday she said Mak lagon tum Inglenda pavola, naslear Goem
ghu khata
aslo (Its because of me you are in England
).
Her dominating behavior was totally unacceptable. When we had a child, I
thought things would
change. She stops working long time ago, I work average 15hrs a day 7 days a
week (with OT)
we have two kids now but her behavior gone bad to worse. She is very good with
others except
me. I end up sleeping on sofa many nights. Sometimes, it made me to think she
might get
backing from her sister and brothers there and I have none in UK.
She even went to Goa with kids several times leaving me behind in UK.
What options do I have ? Even if I had, I would never resort to such things
because of our
kids and also kyiom ki he izaat ka sawal hai.
Case 3:
My name Joe and I am form north Goa. I am tarvotti. (Seaman).
I am in love with this girl for 4 years now. The girl is from my locality.
My elder brother got married many years ago and my turn was long overdue.
I have girlfriend, money so why dont get marry now ?
Because, the girls parent wont allow her to marry me until I have a house of my
own.
Within two years, new house was built and we got married 3 years now.
Every time I return back home say after every 7 months, I feel I am entering
into somebodys
house.
While I am on the ship, my in-laws (mother, father & Son) always there with my
wife. They stay
in our house day and night. No privacy. For any important decisions, my wife
would not come to
me but go to her parents first. Any ideas which come from me has to be
approved first by my
in-laws. Why do they do this ? I married to their daughter for almost free (no
dowry). I
reluctantly, build a house away from my parents. I am now a stranger in my own
home. My wife &
in-laws dictating me what to do. My wife sometimes shouts at me by name-calling
and insults. I
strongly feel this is verbal and emotional violence.
What can I do about this ? Please dont tell me because I wont do that as I
love my wife more
than anything in this world.
There are so many other cases where husband is the victim of domestic violence
e.g.
-When wife brings in plenty of dowry
-When a girl marry to an unemployed husband
-When husband becomes Ghor Zanvoim where he lives with in-laws.
-When wife is more educated or earns more than her husband
-When wife is good looking and the husband is not.
-When wife is lot younger than her husband
-When wife comes from higher caste or class etc
-When wife come from posh family with heavy spending/lifestyle/drinking/smoking
etc
-When the wife is NRI or green card holder (similar to case 2 abv)
-When there is too much interference from the wifes family. (as in case 3)
-When the girl is always dominating (or attention seeker) at mothers home, is
also very
likely to continue with her behaviour at her in-laws.
In view of above, Domestic Violence Act should also protect Husbands from
Wives, just to make
the wives aware of this law.
Whether such Law or Act existed or not and when it comes to saving marriage
(and family),
who will bell the cat? is really a different issue here.
Any husbands here, who they think are the victims of DV, please try to talk to
someone may be
your close friend please dont keep it to yourself and suffer*. Remember,
talking to someone
helps.
Husband Beaters etc (if any) here, please talk to some about this. Think about
the nice
husband you have who quietly bears the pain all alone. Think what might happen
if he
disappears one day. Think at least for the sake of your kids.
========================================
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