There once was a woman who was bored as she sat at home changing diapers
and pureeing apples. To amuse herself one day she took a great breath and
sang out, "The Gulfees are being maligned. The Shipees are being maligned!"
The villagers came running up the hill to her house to save the Gulfees and
the Shipees from being maligned. But when they arrived at her house, they
found no signs of any maligning. The woman laughed at the sight of their
angry faces. "Thank goodness I was educated in Dubai.", she said, "You Goan
educated folk are so stupid and easy to provoke. My grandparents were like
you. But they worked hard so their grandchildren became doctors and stuff.
I am bored to death potty training!"
"Don't cry 'wolf', potty woman," said the villagers, "when there's no
wolf!" They went grumbling back down the hill.
A few days later the woman sang out again, "The Gulfees are being maligned.
The Shipees are being maligned!". To her naughty delight, she watched the
villagers run up the hill to help her stop this attack on the Gulfees and
Shipees.
When the villagers saw no attack they sternly said, "Save your frightened
song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf', when there
is no wolf!"
But the woman just grinned, thinking she was quite the cat's whiskers, and
watched them go grumbling down the hill once more. She shouted after them.
"We were so poor I born on a table. And now I'm so rich that I need a table
at the airport lounge to change nappies. And I'm the only person here who
has a young child!"
"Hello", said one of the older men, "Most of us were born on the floor!
What's the big deal about being born on a table?"
"And", said one of the women, "My father was a Gulfee, my husband is a
Shipee. My grandchildren were poor too and worked hard to give us a better
chance at life. What makes you think you're so special? Why do you carry
such a big chip and create controversies where none exist? Get a part-time
job if you have nothing to do with your energies."
"Bah!", said the mischievous woman. "You think I care about anyone other
than myself? I detest all you village women. I want to be the only woman in
this village. In fact I want to be the only person in this village who is
allowed to speak. But then I need someone to speak to. So let only the
menfolk remain. You there Dostoevsky and you Byron and you Che Guerava. All
those who agree with me only please. And you women begone. What do you
think you are? Some NIO scientist? Or some Canadian business woman? You are
nothing compared to me. I lived in Dubai, remember. And I'm sleep deprived.
So there!"
A few of the men were so fuloi-ed that they formed a fan club, but that
soon fell apart as they realised her true nature.
A few days later the woman was arrested at an airport lounge in Mumbai. A
security guard saw her hiding an RDX explosive device, disguised as a used
diaper, next to a plant behind some chairs in the lounge. The woman cried
out, "That's not a bomb, that's a nappy! Help me. Someone please help me!"
The villagers heard her cries but thought she was trying to fool them
again, and so they didn't come.
A few days later not hearing anything about the spiteful woman the
villagers went up the hill to her house. They found she wasn't there. They
went to the police and a week later found her in a lockup in Vakola along
with hardened criminals of both gender, including a few Arab forklift
operators.
The woman was weeping. "I was in trouble. I called for help. Why didn't you
come?", she asked the villagers as they bailed her out.
An old man tried to comfort the woman as they walked back to the village.
"We'll help you clean up your house and yourself", he said, putting his arm
around the woman, "But keep in mind dear, don't cry 'wolf' when there is no
wolf!"
But the woman, being the way she was, said, "Even in a fable I have to have
the last word!"
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- [Goanet] The Potty Woman and the Patient Villagers Cecil Pinto
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