Pain,loss is personal “The wearer knows best, where the shoe pinches”. When there is loss of a close family member, catastrophe, the pain, sorrow, loss is intimate and personal. It is difficult to share the depth of feelings , however hard we may try. If on the other hand the relationship is distant, casual or that of a stranger, then the feelings are momentary and superficial. Friends and relatives have a genuine desire to offer comfort and solace with a drop of love in the ocean of sorrow. As humans the warmth of showing concerns and sensitivity offers relief to the tormented mind. It may be at the time of tragedy or thereafter, but in our behavior, actions, attitude, need to avoid reviving the unpleasant memories of agony. Jokingly it was suggested that the typed details of incident i be displayed to avoid repetitive i and curious inquisitiveness . Relieving the details by searching questions on agonizing incident only enhances and opens the gash of wounds of pain afresh. Time is great healer but sensitivity is to be consciously exercised by weighing what to say, when to say, how to say, best not say or be restrained, if not by a mature silent interactions. Conversation should be bare minimum and visits be short and avoid relating personal interactions of the past Facilitating the mourner to unburdened himself has cathartic effect .The discouragement of condolences visits is new trend , because in genuine simplicity, the immediate, rushing, goodwill visit may not result in adverse emotional upheaval. Delayed condolences visits, messages can be wrongly interpreted as indifference, but it allows time and space to accept the reality. More sensitive friends often use time lapse strategy to convey their sincere feelings
Traditional ways of offering wreaths, bouquets , sympathy cards and recent spiritual gifts of masses convey our feelings of sharing the grief. Devout followers exercise spiritual routes to keep relationships alive. Words are comforters and solace, a healing balm to excruciating mental distress, if kept to the minimum, Hence more short visits are definitely effective and advisable to begin by invocation of brief prayerful interlude. The agony,pain is a permanent etching of heart and mind and as the adage goes :the wound may be healed, but scar remains. How true that pain, sorrow, and agony being intimate, personal will only end in grave, inspite of displaying attitude of being brave How best to keep the fond memories of loved, dear and near ones both physically and spiritually to elevate our depressive minds. Mourning sign of black attire may send a signal of personal distress, but may not evoke feelings of sympathy, but gives at best personal satisfaction .It is said that in past prayers were offered on seeing black attire. Dead are important, but living are more important and hence life and living must continue without flagellation, self-persecuting our minds Diversions by engaging in ennobling activities, charitable with time and means can be elevating , purposeful experience. Lamentations and mental torture is no means of continuing close relationships with the departed. Raising of monuments in memory is a false presumptions of keeping memory alive forever, These physical structures do not serve a social, beneficial cause, but pride and glory of family alone It is difficult to accept that time is limited for living ,plants and animals included and hence humans attempt to enlarge this time by means at their disposal. Attachment both physical and emotional is the cause of unbearable distress.No one however powerful, mighty, influential can buy eternity. Destiny and faith and belief can offer solace. There is no answer to multitudes of questions as to why the DASH between life and death varies from person to person, whether due to sickness, diseases, old age, accidents, natural calamities, wars etc. We seek gratifications towards the inevitable departures by terming it as the “will of Divine,” “ He knows better”, “God takes the best for Himself”, “those whom God loves die young” “enjoying eternal bliss” Alternatively there are others who imagine deaths as curse, retribution against sins, punishment, revenge, course corrections the path of life and to repent Humans have no recourse against this event, hence rationalization can offer some satisfaction in the illusive world of unanswered searching questions. When those that fly away[Hs1] <#_msocom_1> live n our minds, their spirits walk by our sides and keep us company, unseen unheard and untouchable, enforcing that in death we do not part Nelson Lopes Chinchinim ------------------------------ [Hs1] <#_msoanchor_1>
