Hi John, haven"t heard from you for a long time on Goanet. Hope you and yours are all well. Glad to hear from you if you have a moment.
Roland. On Sat, Mar 29, 2008 at 4:31 PM JOHN MONTEIRO <[email protected]> wrote: > Dear Fred > > Many thanks for your kind words. Forgive me for such a long email reply > but it will help a little perhaps in knowing more about my father, if he is > the Casimiro Monteiro we talking about. > > Yes you are right this ought not to be a witch hunt as such but gaps are > gaps, and as you say, they are pre-1961 & post 1961 & ought to be filled, > if not just for my sake, really for posterity, though its 57 years since I > first set foot in Goa and now, its some 47 years since I "left" ("fled" was > more like it if I remember correctly) I was not able to bring forth all the > memories that one is meant to. > > Creeping memory loss it is not, I was not able to remember much of my > childhood from my teen years in the mid to late 60's because we were > forbidden by mother to speak Portuguese or Konkani or to discuss anything > at all to do with Goa or India in general. I have a mental block in many > ways, one is trying to read or understand Portuguese or Konkani. I simply > cannot let myself read or learn to read or have anything at all to do with > either of the two languages. > > I have revisted Goa and I am afraid of coming back. I have not > re-visited Portugal after 1958 either. > > Some days it was as if my childhood never happened, and no matter how > hard I tried it was all I could do to remember little bits of it, even > though they only happened a two or three years earlier, I now know why, it > is very possible that this person IS my father, for if he was not, then > there were twins in this family (he had a younger brother I know who lived > with us, on & off most of the time my father was absent, he was no better > behaved), my father was violent, rude & uncaring. > > Not a nice thing to say about one's father, but what did he expect us to > think of him, he was never around, and when he was he was not to be > disturbed, we were not allowed to his side of the house, his room was > forbidden for anyone to go into, we had better contact (thank heavens for > little mercies, with the neighbours, though some shunned us children, > others did not, we were invited to celebrations when he was not around). > > He was a prolific debaucher, he fathered so many children (locally, that > my mother & I knew of), yes I & my brother Fernando (renamed David after > 1961) must have at least 10 half-siblings via the many "ayas" we had, some > lasting up to 6 months but many left after a few weeks.................. > also with the local womenfolk he & his brother abused. > > I remember mentioning this & other things to do with my childhood in my > first couple of posting on Goanet, my introduction on Goanet. I was so > pleased to have found a way out of getting this monkey off my back that I > probably blurted out too much, but what of it I said to my wife, she agreed. > > It was history and if its helping me to get this off my chest, what a > better way than to share it with all Goans on Goanet? I was after all torn > from Goa, and never really settled properly in UK afterwards, unlike my > brother who was born in Goan in 1954 (that memory came flooding back to me > after my mother died in 1999, I was four & half years old at the time, just > as some other memories are surfacing lately, I feel quite unnerved by it > all). > > If I can get confirmation of this man Agente Casimiro (Teles Jordao > ???) Monteiro then perhaps it will explain why I used to piss the bed > nearly every night when I was at Loyola High School and why I was always > afraid of going home............... and why I always found my mothe in a > distressed state when I did come home. I remember once I ran away from LHS > just to go see my mum......... I wish I hadnt, I continued wetting the bed > for the rest of the time I was there, even though Brother Canna at the time > was concerned, told me not to drink water after 4pm and made sure I went to > the toilet before bedtime, I still managed to find the pee, I was a scared > child. > > But all this aside, it was my mother who was the one that suffered the > most in our family, she could do no right in his eyes, and the rest of the > RC extended RC family who lived within walking distance did not like her > either. > > She as Church of England, therefore a Protestant & not of the Old > Religion, also not married to my Father (he was allegedly already married > but left them, for my mother), having lived in the UK where they met (in > the East End of London) it was time for him to be arrested in UK, so fled > to Goa, where it appears he found alternative > employment..................... > > But I thank you for your kind words again, and hope & pray that if its > positive (he is NOT my father), then I have to begin again, to find a > Casimiro Teles Jordao Monteiro in Goa, in the 1950's................. could > there have been two, both with the same name, same time-windows & working > for the police force albeit sometimes in Khaki or Camouflage........ ?? > Both Portuguese? > > Perhaps a PHOTO of him would be the next step as confirmation for me. I > remember he had a moustache, thick one just over his lip, and slightly on > the corner of his mouth, no beard or side burns, roundish face, jet black > hair (oiled), rather a large man (probably looked bigger to me due to the > fact I was a child at the time), broad shouldered like a swimmer has (I > take similar physical features from him especially the broad shoulders but > now a bit overweight (too many Vindaloos, Mauritian & Indian curries & > briani), but shaved off my moustache three years ago when I remembered > this). > > One way or another, at the very least if he is NOT my father, then I > will have to restart my search, at the worst he IS my father & I will have > this monkey off my back & start to fill in gaps of my childhood, perhaps > even putting it in print, one day. > > Regards > John > > > > "Frederick [FN] Noron ha * फ्रेड रिक न ोरोंया" <[email protected]> > wrote: > Hi John, Don't be so harsh on yourself! We don't choose our parents, > and we can't always be responsible for their actions (except those of > our children, in a way). Even assuming he's your dad, I think your > attitude matters more than his! > > There are issues involved here though. Understanding Agente Monteiro > is important for filling in the gaps as far as Goan history goes. And > there are many gaps, not just this one, both pre-1961 and post-1961. > > It needn't be a witch-hunt, though one could understand the pain of > those who suffered brutalities of whatever form. At the same time, > those at whose hands the brutalities was doled out were mentally > prisoners of those times. I'm sure they believed they were doing their > patriotic duty, 'protecting' Goa or whatever. > > When I visited Dachau in 1998, I wondered how anyone could have done > what they did there hardly six decades earlier. But while we do it, we > all have justifications for the violence we wreck on others, even in > the case of Gujarat in 2002 or in Algeria or Vietnam and Indonesia or > Afghanistan, and the many invasions (and toppling-via-military-coups) > that even countries the US has undertaken in recent times. > > There is, sometimes, a self-correcting mechanism at play though. Call > it poetic justice, if you want to. The children of many of those who > have strong anti-'outsider' sentiments have chosen to marry people > from the other states of India, for instance. > > Just my thoughts ... FN > > On 28/03/2008, JOHN MONTEIRO wrote: > Dear Roland, I cannot thank you enough for this, it is a start for me. > I have always known in my heart that the evil of my father was > totally like this, he was a very nasty, ferocious & unaffectionate > man, that was towards his family, my mother, my brother and me. > The rest of our neighbours suffered from his visits also, but my > mother was too timid (it was the 1950's & all women, whether Goan or > Portuguese or as in my mother's case, English father & French mother, > had no rights and no discussions between them, she did as she was > told, no arguments).... > > -- Roland Francis +1 (416) 453.3371
