DARJEELING TEA AND ANTIQUES.
Hutoxi Marfatia and her sister Pervin Dhanjeebhoy had been living on the ground
floor of a three storey building in the Five Garden area of Dadar for the last
four decades. Before Pervin moved in, Hutoxi lived with her husband Homi
Marfatia. Then one day because of deficiency complications arising from his
blood group G6PD , Homi died. Hutoxi was at the time 38 years old and
childless. Soon her unmarried younger sister Pervin moved in with her.
When Homi had passed away Hutoxi wept for days together, hugging one of his
white muslin gloves, which for some odd unknown reason he always wore only on
his right hand. Eventually she decided to enshrine her Homi's glove. Hiloo
crocheted a thick yet intricate, fine white lace border around Homi's glove and
turned it into a treasured collectible, mounting and framing it .
When Piloo came to live with Hiloo she too brought her prized possesion with
her. A gold gilded framed painting of Queen Victoria. Piloo and this painting
were inseperable. Their grandfather Rustom Dhanjeebhoy, when he had retired
from his Bombay Port Trust service, had been presented with this painting for
impeccable service to the Crown. Since their childhood Hiloo and Piloo would
keep staring at the painting on the wall, sighing and lovingly exclaiming "
APRI RANI!"
Hiloo's drawing room was an Antique collector's delight!. Along with the teak
wood rocking chair and huge chest, there was a handsome mahogany Grandfather
Clock at least 200 yrs old in a corner of the room. A magnificent old oakwood
piano stood against a wall. The rose wood dining table was covered with a
gorgeous lacy white crocheted table cloth handmade by Hiloo.
Hiloo was a master at crochet. Her home was filled with different kinds of
exquisite pieces. Table cloths, runners, doilies, bedcovers, piano top runner,
cushion covers, coasters, beaded crocheted drinking glass covers....the works!
Her friends would exclaim in awe,
"Wow! Hiloo kem fine pieces che! Just like the original Irish lacy stuff the
British ladies decorated their homes with during the Bombay Presidency era!
Superb!" Blushing with pleasure and pride Hutoxi would acknowledge the
compliments with modesty saying, " Come now Armaity! Dont compare my humble
hand made pieces with the royal laces the British wives possesed"
Pat would come Armaity's reply,
"Are rava de! Your creations are just as exquisite!"
Both Apri Rani and Homi's white muslin Glove were now displayed on the wall in
front of the couch in Hiloo's drawing room. The sisters would sit for hours
together with a beatific smile plastered on their faces staring at their
treasured collectables.
Once a visiting guest had innocently asked, " did Queen Victoria wear this
white glove?"
Hutoxi and Pervin were much loved by the entire neighbourhood. Everyone called
them Hiloo aunty and Piloo aunty.
Bommy (Boman Dhanjeebhoy) Hiloo and Piloo's nephew visited them often he adored
his aunties. He thought they were adorable though a bit cuckoo in the head!
Bommy's Dad Aspi often told him,
, "don't get too close to my sisters, they both are crazy! One day they will
become a huge problem in your life, I am warning you. Leave them alone."
Bommy had said with anger, " just because you have abandoned them I cannot do
the same. They are so harmless and loving. If I don't look in on them from time
to time they could be in trouble!"
Aspi annoyed had said, " you will get into trouble one day, then don't cry.
Harmless? My foot! They are stark raving MAD! who enshrines a measly GLOVE!?"
Bommy said, " Rava de Pappa!"
He was over protective of his aunts, because they being a bit soft in the head
Bommy felt they could unknowingly come in harm's way.
Forty years down the line Hiloo was now 78 and Piloo 77. They both still wore
flower printed tailor stitched gathered frocks, their hair snow white tied
neatly into a bun was secured in black netting at the nape of their neck. Both
wore gold rimmed spectacles and fuschia pink lipstick. Both were fair
complexioned, their Persian lineage unadulterated. Their cheeks were rosy even
at this age.
The craziest thing about them, Bommy thought was that they constantly smiled.
Ofcourse outsiders thought they were just lovable, cute old women but Bommy
knew it was something to do with their maternal grandmother Ava bai Hormosjee
who had spent the last days of her life in a Mental Institution in Balsar. But
Bommy still loved his cutie pies. He visited them once a week religiously on a
Sunday. The minute Hiloo and Piloo would see him they would clap their hands
gleefully saying " our Baabo has come to visit us!"
This Sunday Bommy found his sweeties even more gregarious. They fussed over him
feeding him his favourite "jardaloo salli margi". Piloo aunty was the master
chef. While Bommy hogged Hiloo aunty sat next to him fanning him with a
Japanese hand fan. Bommy found this most unnecessary as the ceiling fan was on
top speed, but because he didnt want to make the poor dear sad, he put up with
it. Piloo aunty kept going in and out of the kitchen loading the table with all
kinds of leftovers from a week ago which she had stashed away in the fridge. An
array of food tit bits totally mismatched with one another. A half dar ni
poori, here, a mince pattice there, a small bowl of fruit custard, a jaggery
filled half broken pancake. Twittering like little birds they went about
stuffing him, calling him their 'Baabo' while smiling from ear to ear.
Hiloo aunty said, "Baabo, how old are you darling? 70 right?" Bommy nearly
choked on his morsel! He said, " Hiloo aunty! Su vat karo cho tame!? You are 78
and Piloo aunty is 77 and my father is 75....how can I be 70!"
Hiloo and Piloo giggled. Piloo said, " Hiloo kevi MAD jevi vaat kare? Our Baabo
must be 12 yrs old. Right na Bommy?"
Bommy rolled his eyes heaven wards and said, " Aunty! I am 50 years old!"
Immediately both Hiloo and Piloo started clucking sadly, "Arre re! Marre re!
Becharo Baabo! All alone in this world! So sad!"
Exasperated Bommy said,
"where am I alone? I live with Pappa and visit both of you every week,
sometimes even twice a week?"
Piloo said, " but soon Aspi and both of us will be dead, then what? alone in
the world na?"
Hiloo said, " No wife, No mother, No father, No aunties! aare re! Becharo
Baabo, su thase re!?"
Bommy stared incredulously at his batty Aunts.
Every Tuesday was Praying and Shopping day. Hiloo and Piloo would dress in
their floral frocks, tie a scarf over their head knotted under the chin, spray
themselves with French perfume and carrying shoppers trot off first to the
Rustom Framna Agiary. Here at the Fire Temple they would offer prayers and
Sukhad for the consecrated Fire to the Dusturji then on their way out buy
Incense sticks and Sukhad from the shop attached to the Agairy wall, to take
back home. Outside the sisters would bump into other Parsi neighbours and
acquaintances and after exchanging pleasantaries of, " Kem cho? Majhama?" Hiloo
and Piloo would proceed to their second destination, the local market.
Here they would shop for weekly groceries, toiletries, medicines, cleaning
liquids like acid, Tik 20 to kill rodents, cockroach and mosquito repellents.
Hygine was top priority for Hiloo and Piloo. Then after buying other bits and
bobs would return home still smiling merrily.
Hiloo and Piloo were compassionate, generous and loving towards all. No caste,
creed or status distinction ever entered their minds. The building sweeper, the
local milkman, the postman, the delivery boys all had a cup of tea whenever
they came to the door of the aunties.
They were especially kind to people living alone, maybe because they could
empathise with the feeling of abandonment that comes with it.
Ramesh Tamble the local postman was their favourite person. He brought all
their investment mail and bank posts to them. They always invited him inside to
have a cup of tea.
One Wednesday while Hiloo sat at the dining table with Tamble, Piloo brought
the tea from the kitchen. The tea was always served in their Royal English
porcelain, blue and gold embossed, cup and saucer. No discrimination. At first
Tamble was uncomfortable because he had never been served in this way, He had
never seen such expensive looking crockery in his life. It had always been
standard cutting chai from the roadside thekri for him.
The old Parsi ladies were so humane thought Tamble.
As always Hiloo was asking him the same question she did the last time he sat
at her table, "Ramesh dikra, whom all do you live with? Mamma? Pappa? wife?
Children?"
Tamble grinned and said, " Aunty I told you before I live alone, I have no one
in this world!"
Piloo too smiled radiantly at Tamble.
Hiloo smiling benignly said, " jo nee Piloo?, Ramesh dikra has confirmed again
that he is all alone in this world!"
Piloo nodded vigorously with a knowing twinkle in her eyes.
She said, " Na re dikra, you have us, your aunties to care for you, dont be sad"
Tamble was not sad at all, he was happy he had no responsibilities, but his
eyes misted with emotion on hearing Piloo aunty's words. He thought even my own
mother would not have been as caring as these rich ladies are to a poor postman
like me.
"See? I knew I had to make our special tea for you! We only serve this special
Darjeeling tea to our favoured dear ones. Drink! quickly it will get cold
otherwise!" Piloo urged triumphantly.
Hiloo said, " Yes! Yes! We got this Tea yesterday when we went shopping after
visiting the Agairy"
Both sisters kept smiling as Tamble self consciously drank the Darjeeling tea
served to him in the fine porcelain teacup costing maybe his one year's salary!
Both aunties clapped their hands in glee saying, "good boy! bau saras dikra!"
Two days later the same tea drinking ritual was carried out with Bhola the
building sweeper who too was alone in this world having lived on the Dadar
pavements since he was abandoned at birth. His story broke the hearts of Hiloo
and Piloo. They loved Bhola dearly stuffing currency notes in his pocket
whenever he came to take the trash out.
Both Bhola and Tamble were used to drinking the thick over boiled syrupy sweet
cutting chai from the thekris available at every corner in Bombay and found the
sophisticated Darjeeling tea just awful! but they quietly drank it to the last
drop because they would rather die than offend the loving aunties!
As Bhola drank the tea, Hiloo and Piloo cried in unision clapping their hands,
" bau saras! bau saras! Bhola!"
Bhola smiled dreamily at them.
The next week when Bommy came to visit his aunts he met the building secretary
and his wife at the gate. Mr.Sheikh said,
"Bommy good I have met you. I think you need to get your aunties' apartment
fumigated by Pest control immediately. There is a putrid smell wafting from
their home, but they refuse to acknowledge it. Me and other neighbours have
tried to reason with them to get their house at least checked by Pest Control,
but they flatly refuse saying they cant get any rancid smell. Please Bommy do
something"
Embarrassed Bommy said, "so sorry Mr. Sheikh you know how stubborn the elderly
get, dont worry I will look into it today itself."
Mr. Sheikh said, " the whole neighbourhood loves them, we understand, that is
why I am requesting you Bommy"
Bommy shook hands with the secretary and said, " think the problem is already
sorted. I promise"
As Bommy entered the flat a rancid smell wafted up his nostrils. He felt
nauseous.
Hiloo had opened the door smiling as usual.
Bommy said, " where is this horrible putrid stench coming from Hiloo aunty?"
"what stench? I can't smell anything" said Hiloo.
Bommy walked in sniffing and gazing all over the drawing room. Piloo came from
the kitchen saying, " Hiloo I think Bommy can smell the Tik 20 spray we used to
kill the rats"
"Han dikra! That must be it" she smiled lovingly.
Bommy was not convinced. He walked around the room looking into corners.
Suddenly near the Grandfather clock he stopped and said, " Hiloo aunty here the
smell is very strong"
Hiloo daintily tip toed towards Bommy and with her finger on her lips said, "
Shhhh....Baabo, softly, you will wake up Tamble"
Bommy startled shot back, " who Tamble? And where is he? I cant see anyone
here?"
Piloo came towards them and pointing to the mahagony wooden cabinet below the
glass fronted clock of the handsome Grandfather Clock said,
"shhhhh...Tamble our postman is sleeping"
Bommy confused, looked from left to right and said, " Where? where is he?"
In unision Hiloo and Piloo in a whisper said, " Inside!"
Now even more confused Bommy shot back, " Inside the Grandfather Clock!?"
" Yes! Yes!" Grinned the aunties.
Bommy yanked open the door of the wooden cabinet of the Grandfather Clock and
out toppled the dead body of a man!
Bommy stared in utter shock his eyes wide with fear. He kept opening and
closing his lips to form words but no sounds came out of his mouth!
Hiloo and Piloo had rushed to the fallen body cooing lovingly,
"Tamble dikra so sorry we appologise for the rude behaviour of our Baabo, thank
God you are still sleeping and not disturbed"
Hiloo and Piloo scowled
at Bommy for an instant and then again smiling radiantly together said, "
Baabo, see? we told you Tamble our postman was sleeping"
Bommy screamed! " what have you done!? He is dead!"
"rubbish!" said Hiloo, "he is sleeping just like Bhola the building sweeper",
she turned to her sister and said, "Piloo show him how peacefully Bhola too is
sleeping!"
"Yes! Yes! Come Baabo let me show you!" Piloo skipped towards the huge teak
wood chest against the wall and lifted its cover. A miasma of decay spread all
over the room, inside lay another dead body!
Piloo smiling radiantly said, "See? Our Bhola is sleeping so peacefully!"
Bommy a grown man started crying and howling in horror. Ignoring him Piloo
smiling like a Cheshire cat said," Hiloo should I show our Baabo how doodhwala
Bansi is sleeping inside the Grand Piano?"
Before Hiloo could answer Bommy fainted.
When Bommy recovered he saw the smiling angelic faces of his aunties staring at
him. He sat up with a start and weeping loudly said, "Oh my God! My darlings
what have you both done!? How will I save you both? How can I protect you both
now?"
He got off the ground and went and sat at the dining table holding his head in
his hands. He sobbed like a baby saying, " I have to call the police, they will
go ballistic seeing three! three! dead bodies in your drawing room and will
immediately arrest both of you and lock you away!"
Hiloo and Piloo smiled happily.
Bommy said, "How will I save you? How can I save you? You both have killed
three men!? OH GOD ALMIGHTY!" wailed Bommy.
Hiloo and Piloo smiling happily said, " kem idiot jevi vat kare Baabo? We have
killed nobody.....shhhh....they are sleeping!"
Bommy wept harder, he said, "Oh My God! You both are completely CRAZY!, but I
love you both! how will I live without both of you my poppets! My only family
is you as Pappa and me dont even talk to each other anymore? Oh God! I will be
so lonely!"
Hiloo and Piloo stared knowingly at each other, nodding their heads.
Hiloo said, " dont cry Baabo we will never let you be alone and lonely ever!"
Still smiling Hiloo turned to Piloo and said, " go make a nice hot steaming cup
of our special Darjeeling Tea to calm our darling Baabo. See to it you serve it
to him in our Royal English Blue and Gold embossed porcelain cup and saucer"
Piloo the masterchef smiling radiantly said, " Yes! Yes! Baabo, we will never
leave you alone!" and hurried off to the kitchen to make the SPECIAL TEA!.
THE END.
{Ruhi H.S Rawail}
This short story is inspired by the Masterpiece American play....ARSENIC AND
OLD LACE written by Joseph Kesselring.
It is a work of fiction, all the names, characters, events and incidents in
this short story are either the product of the author's imagination or used in
a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or
actual events is purely coincidental.
Glossary:
Sukhad = sandal wood
Dasturji= Priest
Thekri = tea stall
Apri Rani= our Queen
Dikra= my boy
Saras= good
Kem cho?= how are you?
Majhama= fine
Are Rava de!= leave it be!
Su vat karo cho tame!= what are you saying!
Kevi MAD jevi vat kare!= dont speak like a lunatic
Su thase re!= what will happen!
Roland.
Toronto
