Eyes down; anybody sweating? It ain't over till the fat lady sings, with ducks and hockeysticks By Cecil Pinto
Last Sunday was the 18th birthday party of our favourite nephew, Blake D'Costa, eldest son of my wife's eldest brother. Since we didn't have the time to pick him a really appropriate gift I promised him a mention in my next column. It was a lunch-time family party of about fifty odd people. Some of them definitely very odd! 301 – He has a waterproof voice; no one can drown it out And as can be expected at large to medium family gatherings, and smaller social functions of any sort in Goa, a housie coupon was shoved into my hand with an accompanying toothpick. Lucky us! We were going to play housie, a game of luck involving great skill, mainly involving not falling off your chair while snoring in sheer boredom - the number caller's attempts to sound witty notwithstanding. 586 – Her gowns are cut to see level I normally refuse to play housie (variously called lotto, tambola and bingo) but I found the ticket (also called coupon) most intriguing. Printed at the bottom of each ticket was a witty little phrase/insult. An unique phrase for each ticket in the book. A total of 600 phrases (12 tickets x 50 pages). And what wonderful nuggets they were. I have used some of these gems as punctuation between paragraphs – with the corresponding ticket number. I admire the ingenious printer who thought to liven up this dreary mindless game by printing these phrases – probably gleaned from a Book of Insults. 95 – Generally speaking he is generally speaking In Goa housie is normally conducted in English. We all know the standard phrases used to identify numbers, "please teacher, number" (1), "lucky for some unlucky for others" (13) "two fat ladies" (88). Hindi and Konkani phrases and puns are sometimes used: "ulta sulta" (69), "Goan men's favourite" (43). 41 – She's all preaches and scream Ranging from visual imagery to plain lousy rhymes – the caller's repertoire of metaphors has to keep within the audience's comprehension without crossing any limits of indecency. It is not an enviable task to be a housie caller in a mixed age audience. To play the game requires the brains and numerical skills of a dodo and so the task of keeping the audience awake falls upon the caller. A lot of heckling and witty comments from the few active players is a sign of a good housie game. 189 – He wearies you with the patter of little feats So we have heaven-seven, first-last-sweetest of the teens, onset of adulthood, two ducks, quarter century, ladies get naughty, half century, hockey sticks, top of the house… Single digits are always preceded with, "All by itself (place witticism here) single number (place single digit here)". Some of the atrocious puns used make me want to make an indecent signal with my middle digit! 496 – She falls in love at purse sight When housie is conducted in Konkani the announcer normally just says the digits followed by the number eg. "Vis ani Panch, Ponch Vis" equivalent of "Two and Five, Twenty Five". My studies show that very rarely are there equivalent Konkani phrases used for calling housie numbers. In the late eighties when Housie was conducted near the chapel in Naikawaddo, Aldona, there was a Manu Uncle who used to make the most amusing jokes, rhymes and puns while calling out the numbers in Konkani. His favourite number was 'basatt' (62) which he would say with much attitude, making it sound almost like an illegitimate offspring. 409 – He's so lazy he won't even exercise discretion In the same vein the audience very often shouts "Shake it maan!", "Give it a shake!" (or "Haloi!" in Konkani). This is to indicate to the caller to shake the bag containing the number chips. Logically speaking shaking the bag will have no effect on the numerical value or randomness of the chips being pulled out. But the 'shake' phrase is sort of housie tradition, even when the 'chips' are actually spheres in a round revolving cage that cannot be 'shaken' but only 'rolled'. And for some reason these exclamations elicit much mirth among young adults, and frowns from the elders in the audience. 564 – She's leading a delightful sexistence The announcer also frequently asks, "Anybody sweating?" even if the housie game is being conducted in an air-conditioned hall. Nobody quite knows the origins of this phrase but it often leads to very witty responses from the audience, often involving curse words. 340 – He's one of those rue-it-yourself experts In Goa normally prizes are given for Jaldi Five, Horizontal Lines and Full House. A variation called Sandwich is popular involving extreme corners and the middle number. Any-Vertical-Line was tried for a while in Moira but never really caught on. 111 – She's sticking to him through thick and gin My research in Benaulim took me to an old timer who claimed that housie was named after its inventor Lord Dal-housie who made up this game for Indians in the army in order to curb the after effects of the Sepoy Mutiny. Obviously this is untrue as Lord Dalhousie left India in 1856 whereas the Sepoy Mutiny was in 1857. Lord Dalhousie encouraged the inclusion of Gorkhas to the Indian Army; not housie! That much for Benaulim. 26 – He's an indulgent husband, always indulging The validator at a housie game is usually some well educated looking person (read - wears spectacles) who checks and authenticates, in a very serious no-nonsense manner, each number as the caller announces it from a winning ticket. 117 - She can dish it out but she can't cook it There are many theories about the origins of housie. I could have enlightened you about them, but I will not. There have been complaints from regular readers that I am supposed to entertain and not educate. If people want to know more they can always check the encyclopedia – or Google it themselves. Better them than me. I wouldn't want to let the reader complaints grow into a Snowball! --------- The column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 19th July 2007 =====
