In the interests of full disclosure, hic..., some of
the following have been shamelessly adapted from the
writings of others, who have been, hic..., given due
recognition below:
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"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the booze I
drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and
think about the workers in the vineyards, farms,
wineries and distilleries and all of their hopes and
dreams .. If I didn't drink this booze, they might be
out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then
I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this booze
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and
worry about my liver." With apologies to Jack Handy.
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day." --- Frank Sinatra
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading." --- Henny Youngman
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I
think not." --- Stephen Wright
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!" --- Brian O'Rourke
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"Booze is proof positive that God loves us and wants
us to be happy." With apologies to Benjamin Franklin
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza." --- Dave Barry
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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff
Clavin, of the hit TV series, Cheers. One afternoon at
Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the theory of
natural selection to his buddy Norm.
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"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of
buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole
group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain
can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the
slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way,
regular consumption of booze eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter
after a few glasses of booze."
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SALUD!
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