The Best Tribute to the Dead Is Gratitude, Not Grief Death is an earthquake that shakes the very foundation of our love. It is never expected, yet it is an inevitable reality. It is akin to the eruption of a volcano that releases a torrent of emotions and sentiments, revealing our unimaginable sense of loss and the severing of physical and mental bonds. At best, we console ourselves with the belief that the one we love is in heaven. We cling to cherished memories as balm to soothe our pain and aching hearts.
Memories alone remain permanent; they cannot be wished away. Heartaches take long to heal, yet no force can steal the love we have known. The real and unimaginable loss occurs only when we forget them while we are still alive. Love and affection are not meant to be limited by age or by death. Let us cling to eternal love rather than to death itself. We often believe that death is the opposite of life. Yet observe the profusion of tributes, the mountains of flowers, and the countless visits when a loved one passes away. It sometimes appears that the dead are easier to love than the living. Grieving and mourning are spontaneous expressions of loss. They are part of life, socially accepted, and not demonstrations of hypocrisy. The depth and duration of grief reflect the depth of love and relationship shared. Faith empowers us to cope with death. We carry both grief and love for as long as we live. When grief is transformed into reflection and meaning, it loses its sting and no longer injures the psyche. The sudden departure of a loved one—be it husband, wife, son, daughter, grandchild, close relative, or affectionate friend—shatters the mind like glass into smithereens. Tears may flow like fountains and cascading torrents of water falls, offering temporary relief, but in moments of silence despair can feel boundless. Immediately, attention shifts to organizing a grand funeral, observing religious rites, and fulfilling social obligations. Relatives and friends travel miles to be present. Yet a greater purpose would be served if such gestures of love were shown while the person was alive. Among Catholics, to comfort the living and commend the departed to God, prayer services are held at the residence for a week. The traditional black attire worn for a year as a sign of mourning is gradually fading. The emphasis today is often on the first three years. Masses are offered on the seventh day, the month’s mind, the first and second anniversaries, and culminate in the third-year Eucharistic celebration. Thereafter, the intensity of observances declines, and the formal religious chapter gradually closes. Funeral orations, condolence messages, and obituaries often extol the departed to the highest degree; nothing adverse is mentioned. Personalities and character are sometimes exaggerated beyond the bounds of simplicity and decorum. Some families publish memorial notices year after year in the hope of remembrance. Burial niches too can become expensive tributes that sometimes fuel pride. Faith does not recommend the worship of remains; occasional ceremonial visits by close relatives suffice. Photographs and albums serve as gentle reminders of those who have gone before us. A more meaningful tribute is to help others in memory of our loved ones—especially the needy and deserving. Some choose remarriage to ease the fangs of grief; others immerse themselves fully in social service. Perpetual brooding over loss until one’s own grave is not a sign of profound love, but often a misdirection of it. The dead are immune to our sentiments, guilt, self-persecution, or emotional displays. They are not affected by our outward acts; such gestures serve primarily to relieve our own hearts of guilt complex and fulfill our sense of gratitude. What truly matters is how we live out their memory. To keep our departed loved ones alive in daily consciousness is a noble path: praying the Rosary, participating in and offering Eucharistic celebrations, saying personal night prayers rather than relying only on hired intentions, celebrating family birthdays, wedding anniversaries, special occasions dear to them, and marking death anniversaries together as a family. We can continue the causes they cherished and the acts of kindness they valued. A photograph placed lovingly can rekindle joyful memories rather than sorrow. When our loved ones remain part of our active daily consciousness, the dead live within us and are never forgotten. Nelson Lopes Chinchinim Nelson Lopes Chinchinim https://lopesnelsonnat.wordpress.com
