http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/fashion/weddings/03VOWS.html?scp=1&sq=Trindade&st=cse
Vows Anu Lala and Arvind Trindade John Marshall Mantel for The New York Times CENTRAL PARK, JULY 19 The couple at their reception at Tavern on the Green. More Photos > By LOIS SMITH BRADY Published: August 3, 2008 FOR Dr. Anu Lala, 27, and Dr. Arvind Trindade, 28, the transition from best friends to more-than-friends was as difficult as walking on lily pads or embroidering a silk sari. They met in 2002 as first-year medical students at the New Brunswick campus of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey, and soon chose each other — as study buddies. Both could outlast almost anybody in the library, but they were also willing to stop studying sometimes. "We both love medicine," Dr. Lala said, but not in a nerdy way. "We were like, 'Let's finish this chapter and go rent a movie,' whereas other people in med school were like, 'Let's finish this chapter and go read another chapter.' " Sometimes during study breaks, they would go to the nearby Barnes & Noble bookstore, where Dr. Lala, who has a voice as melodious as her name, would read aloud excerpts from her favorite novels. While she was growing up in Wyckoff, N.J., in a traditional, tightknit Hindu family, her parents and brother would gather on Sunday nights and read essays, poems and interesting newspaper articles to one another. As a child, she also learned Sanskrit and traditional Indian dancing, which she still does, along with hip-hop dancing and stand-up comedy. Briefly, she had thought that Dr. Trindade, whose family is from the state of Goa in India, a former Portugese colony, might be the "Hindu dude" she had always imagined marrying. "We liked each other from the get-go," she said. "We clicked. But when I found out he was not Hindu, but in fact Christian, I thought, 'Well, it's over.' " Dr. Lala, who often adds quotes from her favorite Hindu philosophers and poets at the bottom of her e-mail messages, said she feared that her parents would disapprove and she did not want to disappoint them. "Anu is full of life, a great sense of humor, very versatile and duty-conscious," said Harish Alwani, a cousin of Dr. Lala's. "She's a family person. Her parents are her world." She and Dr. Trindade, who grew up attending a Roman Catholic church in Princeton, N.J., continued studying together, with a friends-only agreement. "I just couldn't stop hanging out with her," he said. "I could tell her anything. With Anu, I was uninhibited. If I was sad, she could make me happy. If I was happy, she could make me happier." By their second year of medical school, they were spending even more time together. And when they weren't together, Dr. Trindade said, he thought about her all the time. So one afternoon when they sat down to study after a yoga class he asked her, "What are we?" She didn't know the answer. " There's no denying we're in a relationship, and we're lying to each other if we don't acknowledge things,' " she remembered his telling her. Dr. Lala said she was quiet for awhile and then asked him, "What do you suggest we do?" He suggested they try becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Later, he walked her home. "We were holding hands, and it felt good to hold his hand, but really awkward," she said. "I knew he was going to kiss me. I remember being very wide-eyed and feeling very flushed. But at the same time, it felt right." They dated for a year, but she remained conflicted. "I'd call my brother crying and say, 'Should I end this?' " she said. "He'd say, 'It's wonderful, and you don't end things that are wonderful.' " Dr. Lala added, "I kept thinking: 'What's going to happen? We can never get married. My dad would freak out.' I never talked to my dad about it. I talked to my mother, who talked to my father." In their third year of medical school, she transferred to the New Jersey medical school's Camden campus, hoping to get distance between herself and Dr. Trindade, and maybe get over him. Instead, she really missed him. She summed up their third year this way: "We continued to see each other, we continued to love each other's company and I continued to freak out about it. I talked about it so much, anyone else would have said, 'O.K., let's just end it.' " Skip to next paragraph Multimedia Vows | Anu Lala and Arvind TrindadeSlide Show Vows | Anu Lala and Arvind Trindade But Dr. Trindade waited patiently the way some people wait in traffic jams, unperturbed. "I didn't know if she would come around," he said. "I just hoped that as our relationship grew stronger, it would overcome the barrier." Then, one afternoon in Camden, she was on a psychiatry rotation and interviewed a depressed patient about loneliness. "I literally excused myself and called my mother," she recalled. "I said: 'What am I doing? I'm so deep into this. I can't imagine my life without him.' I asked, 'Do I have your approval?' And she said, 'When you're with him, do you miss anyone else? Do you feel complete?' " Dr. Lala did. "Now, you have my answer," her mother, Kavita Lala, told her. For their fourth year of medical school, Dr. Lala and Dr. Trindade applied for matching residencies, the medical students' version of a serious commitment. In July 2006, they began residencies together at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Manhattan. The next spring, while rowing a boat in Central Park, he stopped in a quiet spot and asked her, "Have you ever lied to me?" "I said, 'No, I haven't,' " she recalled. "And he said, 'Well, I've lied to you.' I thought, 'Oh, no, he cheated on me.' But he said, 'Last weekend, when I told you I went to see my parents, I actually went to see yours to ask permission to marry you.' " It turned out her parents were completely on board. On July 19, the couple were married in front of 150 guests in Central Park at Tavern on the Green in a ceremony that combined Christian and Hindu traditions. Everything in the room — from the crystal chandeliers, to the embroidered purses and shoes — glittered and sparkled like the eyes of people in love. The bride was carried into the room on an ornate sedan chair, seated serenely on a pillow, wearing a red sari and bangles. The event began with a Christian ceremony, with the Rev. David J. Robb, a minister of the United Church of Christ, officiating. Then the couple sat down cross-legged with Bhawani Mukherjee, who began the Hindu part of the wedding by building a small fire and chanting prayers as the couple threw flower petals and rice into the flames. At one point, the couple stood and walked on seven fabric lily pads arranged on the floor, hopping from pad to pad as if they were crossing a pond together and reciting one vow per pad. Several days later, the bride was asked if she still worried about their religious differences. "No," she replied in her singsong yet gravelly voice. "What I've learned is that religion is not about names and fitting into a certain category. It's about soul-searching and finding what's good for you."