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Cheers Dears
By Augusto Pinto
The G.B.M. of G.A.S.
Dears,
A wise person once wrote,"If there's one Goan he will fight his shadow; if
there are
two they'll open a club; if there are three they'll not be on speaking terms.
The most interesting phase is the second one when the Goans open a club. The
club
can have different names like association, sangh, sanghatana, manch, morcha or
abhiyan. They can be started for politics, cultural activities, sports, the
welfare
of their castes or communities - or for whatever or no reason - but all have
some
common characteristics.
They cater to the Goans' desire for good cheer and congenial company, but they
also
cater to the Goan desire to indulge in shapottam. Telling shapottams (sometimes
spelt xapottams) is a famous Goan trait which loosely translated means one or
more
of the following: bragging, boasting, crowing, telling tall tales, gossiping,
jawing, lying, babbling, waffling, running off at the mouth and running down
others.
The Goan clubs and associations may not do anything of value in normal
circumstances; but they are great fun at the time of their General Body
Meetings.
especially those G.B.M.s where the elections to the Managing Committee are
held.
That's when the shapottkar's tempers rise to fever pitch and when they indulge
their
penchant for politicking to the hilt.
To understand this read the report below of the G.B.M. of one of Goa's most
exclusive shapotti clubs, appropriately called the Goan Association of
Shapottis or
G.A.S. Its membership is open to all castes and creeds. But to be part of it,
one
must be extremely brilliant, articulate and cussed and as a result its members
include some of the most disputatious characters that this little territory can
throw up.
This year's election G.B.M. of G.A.S. was fraught with tension much before
anyone
entered the meeting hall, as hectic last-minute canvassing went on by the rival
Kurkure and Talgaocar groups to persuade members to support their respective
panels.
Even as seconds ticked away towards the commencement of the meeting, the leader
of
one faction, Dr. Sam Kurkure lifted up a pot-belly which would have done Santa
Claus
proud, and strode purposefully towards the dais where the current President
Mr.
Steven Anthony Saldanha sat alongside other office bearers of G.A.S.
Dramatically pointing his finger up in the air, Dr. Kurkure roared,"I object!"
The
President said,"But Dr. Kurkure, you have to allow the meeting to commence and
only
then can you raise a point of order." "No! I object!" roared Dr Kurkure again.
President Saldanha knew when he was defeated, so he said,"Very well Sam. To
what do
you object."
A puzzled frown spread over Dr. Kurkure's face. A pregnant silence gripped the
meeting hall as Dr. Kurkure turned and gazed at the expectant audience. Then
his
eyes alit upon the balding visage of his arch-enemy Shri Satyavan Talgaocar and
he
remembered. Sam roared once again. "I object to that!" he said, pointing an
accusing
finger at Shri Talgaocar. "That creature has no business attending this
meeting. I
have proof that he said publicly that he not a shapotti. If he is not a
shapotti
then he has no business attending this meeting."
Not for nothing had Shri Talgaocar won no less than three Shapotti of the Year
Awards over the past decade and he jumped up, arms flailing wildly,"How dare
this
Sammy - come - lately say this of me. I'm one of the greatest shapottis of all
time.
I am a founder member G.A.S. I warn you Kurkure - unless you apologise for your
remarks just now I will take you to court!"
"Court! I'll show you court!" said the burly Dr. Kurkure as he grabbed hold of
Shri
Talgaocar's coat. By this time the mobile phone of President Saldanha had been
buzzing frantically, and in response the police, who had been forewarned burst
into
the hall. President Saldanha cried,"These fellows are creating a hulla-gulla.
Arrest
them."
Even as the two men were being taken away, supporters of the Kurkure and
Talgaocar
factions rushed up to the dais to register their protests. It was no longer
possible
for any policeman to control the proceedings so President Saldanha said,"No
more
shapottams. This meeting is adjourned." And he rushed out of the hall even as
the
reporters and television crews rushed in for sound bites from the gathered
shapottis.
Till next time then...
Cheers (ENDS)
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The above article appeared in the January 21, 2009 edition of the Herald, Goa
