Goan to Las Vegas The quick road to perdition By Cecil Pinto
In the last week four interesting reports appeared in the local newspapers. By themselves, individually, they are not cause for alarm but taken collectively they reveal a disturbing trend that needs to be examined more carefully. Report #1. Goa mulls changes in marriage laws. Chairman of the Committee MLA Francis D'Souza said that the 30 day domicile clause was hampering Goa’s prospects of becoming a sought after wedding destination. “It is creating trouble for those foreigners and people of Goan-origin settled abroad who want to get married in the state.” Report #2 Woman cancels wedding after finding fiance was porn star. Haylie Hocking, 27, only found out that strapping 30-year-old fitness fanatic Jason Brake made adult films just weeks before the big day. A friend organising her hen night searched online for a male stripper and spotted Jason with a woman in a porn movie. Report #3 India woos gay tourists. The already throbbing closet may just break open with this piece of news. Enthused by the success of gay nights at pubs, the Queer Pride Parade last year and thematic art festivals across the country, tour agencies are offering custom-made tours for the ultimate gay travel experience. Indjapink, a travel agency, puts together packages for gay men only. Report #4 British topless tourists face prosecution. Around 50% of women who sunbathe topless do so without first checking if it is legal to do so in their holiday destination, according to a survey by the Foreign Office. And one in seven men admitted having sex in a public place on holiday - an extremely serious offence in some countries. The Foreign Office (FO) research also found that 5% of men admit to streaking and mooning - an offence for which Britons have been charged in Corfu. The FO also warned that homosexuality is illegal in many popular holiday destinations, including Morocco and Goa. Now let us examine the connection between these reports, and the consequences for Goa. Take the wedding thing first. A local Goan Catholic wanting to get married has to go through a civil registration process that is totally lacking in grace. A filthy disorganised Sub-Registrar’s office is where you will be signing your death warrant in the presence of about three dozen strangers - clerks, peons, other applicants, their friends, witnesses and purchasable witnesses. After the ignominy of this horrible experience there’s a waiting period of a few weeks after which you may get married in church and be doomed forever. For Goan Hindus I assume the procedure is similar but at least Catholics have things like preparing Mass Booklets and Table Takeaways to keep busy in the interim period. For foreigners and non-residents there is a compulsory domicile period of 30 days. Now the Government wishes to do away with this, and other formalities, so Goa can become the wedding destination of the world. Why? So that they can then find out that their spouse was a porn star later? Let them wait, like us locals. As it is we do enough, bending over backwards to facilitate the tourist so we can get their Pounds and Euros. Why should we let their currency also eat at our social mores? Another argument put forward is that young Goans working abroad find it difficult to get leave for more than a month and hence have trouble getting married. I find this argument ridiculous. You are about to make what will probably be the most important mistake of your life and you don’t want to spend a few weeks mulling it over? Jobs abroad will come and go but do you know how difficult it is to get a divorce here, leave alone an annulment. If anything I feel there should a 3 month waiting period between the official application for marriage and the final certificate. In most civilized nations if you seek to buy a gun, or if you apply for a crucial job, there is a waiting period during which some agency or the other does a background check. Of course marriage is not exactly like a loaded gun nor does it involve National Security, unless you’re Bill Clinton, but it is a societal construct that has caused more devastation than all the guns and armies in the world. Ok a background check may not be possible but surely a cooling off period gives the couple enough time to ponder on the long road ahead and say, “What the hell were we thinking?” Not that it always works. In France the compulsory waiting period is 40 days. Despite this they have a President who is into his third marriage. His current wife also models nude and famously said, “I'm monogamous from time to time, but I prefer polygamy and polyandry.” Las Vegas is currently the quick-wedding capital of the USA. One can get married in minutes with the absolute minimum of documentation and procedure. The average Las Vegas wedding doesn’t last long either, but Las Vegas is also the divorce capital of the world with easy divorces available in just two weeks. Funny isn’t it. They encourage you to get married in a couple of hours but when you realize your error they make you wait two weeks to extricate yourself. Goa with its offshore and onshore casinos has already become the gambling capital of India. Why do we want to further emulate Las Vegas for weddings and divorces too? Do we want our lovely state’s name to be always associated with matrimonial discord? “Did you hear, Christine and Dave are separating”. “Oh! They had one of those quickie Goa weddings. What do you expect?” Let them get married legally in their own countries or states and come here to have regal receptions and romantic honeymoons. Or let them wait, a month minimum – like all us locals. What? I can’t hear you. Louder please. Other two? Oh! You’re saying I didn’t explain the connection to the last two reports? I plain forgot actually, and I’m out of space. But you can figure it out. In fact we should consider being proactive in a different direction by legalizing gay marriages and topless beaches in Goa. But we don’t want fat elderly British men, gay or straight, streaking and mooning all over the place. ----------------- The column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 25th June 2009 ========
