Dumb Maaro Dumber By Cecil Pinto Just as Rohan Sippy was about to panic when protests against his movie had all but disappeared, there’s been a fresh onslaught of protests from the strangest quarters. This will ensure that the Abhishek Bachchan - Bipasha Basu starrer, Dum Maaro Dum, will continue getting the type of attention, and curious viewers, that normal paid media cannot buy.
Some background first. The ball was set rolling by Savio Rodrigues, a ‘media professional’, who asked the High Court to ban the movie because it insulted Goan women, or something to that effect. Savio’s complaint was on the basis of one line used in the promos for the film, set in Goa, “Liquor is cheap here, and women are even cheaper.” The indignation against this line was reflected in the Goa Legislature when some MLAs called for a ban on the movie during the last Assembly session. They too based their argument on this one line about Goan liquor and Goan women. As could be expected every women’s group in Goa jumped into the fray and lambasted the movie, again on the basis of one line from the promo. A new group was formed called Goenchea Ostoreancho Awaz (Goan Women’s Sound) who were singing songs and protesting for two days outside the INOX courtyard. Among other posters they had hung up, one said, “Bollywood brain size peanuts, Boob size coconuts”. I wonder which is more derogatory to women – the movie or this poster. Anyway, unlike the kneejerk reactions of the protestors, who had not even seen the movie, there were many in Goa who were waiting to first see the movie and then decide if it was indeed bad for Goa, and Goan women in particular. And now the protestors are coming out in hordes. The Goan Hindu Drug Dealers Association has protested. Said their spokesman Raju Naik, “We have been dealing in drugs since generations. Our network includes politicians and their progeny. Why has every drug dealer and trafficker in the movie been given Catholic sounding names? Michael Barbossa, Colin Coutinho, Lorsa Biscuita? What about the Naiks and Pednekars and Harmalkars? Equally indignant is the Kashmiri Drug Network. “We are always discriminated against where India is concerned. First conditions are made unbearable in our home state, and when we try to make an illegitimate living here we are not given due respect. Do you know how much it costs to rent handicraft shops as fronts for our drug dealing? And what do we get in return? Insults! The Russians, the Israelis, the Brits, the Goans, even the pathetic Nigerians are mentioned in the movie. But us Kashmiris are just ignored!” The Nigerian Once Syndicate made their stand very clear. “We have stopped peddling drugs and now are only consuming drugs. We have moved into mail order and Internet scams and feel very insulted that we are still portrayed as petty peddlers. Ya maan! Pass the dutchie on da left hand side…” No Goan prostitutes association has yet commented on the movie but let’s see what vice expert Lucano Alvares has to say on the matter. “Now if they are saying liquor is cheap we have to first figure if they are talking about Goan liquor or just liquor in general”, says Lucano. “To cut it short, the Geographical Indicator Status was given specifically for Caju Feni made using the lavnecho process. So the only Goan liquor as such is Caju Feni. Now an average consumption to get oneself sufficiently intoxicated would be three pegs, or one quarter, of Caju Feni. Domestic tourists get drunk with even less but let’s not even go there. A quarter of Caju can cost anywhere between Rs. 25/- at some cheap village bar to Rs. 300/- at an Air Conditioned bar in central Panjim or on the beach belt. Let’s take an average restaurant frequented by a domestic tourist. Rs. 180/- should easily get him three pegs. Now if this same domestic tourist decides to indulge in some paid-for sexual activity he will need much, much more than Rs. 180/. Starting with a basic massage at Rs. 800/- one progress to digital or oral stimulation for an additional Rs. 1,500/-. Proper penetrative protected sex would cost anywhere between Rs. 2000/- to Rs. 5000/- for an Indian prostitute. Rs. 5000/- to Rs. 25,000/- is the range for an East European prostitute. But then if we are talking about Goan liquor prices we should compare them only with Goan prostitute prices. Ethnic Goan prostitutes are very difficult to find but my research shows that only an offer of matrimony can elicit sexual favours from Goan women. And you better keep to your promise or you will be accused of rape if you change your mind later.” The ex-Andhra Galli Prostitutes of Baina are also protesting. “We were given to believe that lots of paid-sex would be on display and we had got new rate cards printed and were awaiting a big demand. The movie is a total disappointment. The few sexual encounters are not of a paid-for nature and are the usual romance/party/exploitation type. What use is this portrayal for our business? We are planning to sue the producers because their trailer gives an impression of prostitution galore, but the movie is totally about drugs only!” The mining lobby was represented by four ministers from the Goa Cabinet. “We are united in our protest”, they said. “This is a total insult to us and all that we represent. We make crores of rupees from selling Goan ore legally and illegally. We are mining like there’s no tomorrow and destroying Goa’s finely balanced ecology. We are leaving hollow hills, destroying villages and raping Goa of her tambdi mati. And what does the film say about us? Precious nothing! Drugs bah! How much do our coastal belt colleagues make from looking the other way when drug dealing and rave parties are organized? Precious little. We make a hundred times more and we are treated like nothing. This is an insult to Goans. Surely thousands of tonnes of red mud is worth more than a few kilos of drugs!” Konkani Purists Association Kundlik Naik had this to add. “We have fought so many battles to protect the purity of our Devnagri Konkani from the onslaught by the impure Roman Konkani people. But what do we see in this movie? The most atrocious Konkani grammar and vocabulary. One phrase used as a goodbye by a central character is ‘Adeus Saiba. Be sussegad!’. Now what language is this and which Goan says things like this? This is an insult to my mother tongue and the medium of instruction!” The South Goa Tourist Taxi Drivers Association also felt they had no representation. "Even Goa’s unique motorcycle pilots have been represented in the movie but we are ignored. Can anyone encounter Goa without encountering us? We will force ourselves on tourists and overcharge them and cheat them and even hammer them up. None of this has been shown in the movie. This is bad for our business. Tourists will think they can actually see Goa without being harassed by us!” More protestors are expected. --------------- The article above was featured in Gomantak Times dated 27th April 2011 ========