Wear a helmet The commencement speech I would give By Cecil Pinto
Mary Schmich's ‘Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young’ was published in the Chicago Tribune as a column on June 1, 1997. It went on to be popularly known as the Wear Sunscreen speech, inspiring songs and even an urban legend. In her introduction to the column, Mary described it as the Commencement Speech she would give if she were asked to give one. Like Mary I guess I too will never be asked to give a commencement speech advising college graduates on how to deal with life. But what the hell, I have so much to tell them. So, for whatever it’s worth, here goes for the Goa University Graduating Class of 2011. Wear a helmet when riding a motorcycle. Not to get past the cops but to protect yourself. You have a great life ahead of you, don’t be stupid. Protect not just your head but your entire body and your soul. Use condoms. Party. Pray. Cultivate older friends for their wise advice. Have friends your own age too, else who will you party with? Make friends with strangers, but not on Facebook. Friends in cyberspace are not real friends. Have friends in real life who you can see and hear and speak with and touch - and get intimate with if you get lucky. Don’t do hard drugs or too much of soft drugs or too much of any intoxication for that matter. Hard drugs fry your brains for life. The squat bottle of dark rum, like most popular and cheap IMFL, is probably adulterated or a duplicate. Drinking Caju Feni has health benefits, especially with a dash of fresh lime. Buy the best Caju Feni you can afford, and from a reliable supplier or on the recommendation of a knowledgeable friend. If an offer is too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true. You cannot win millions in an e-mail lottery you never entered, or get any money from helping a rich Nigerian dictator’s widow transfer her funds. Eat only stuff grown close to where you live. It just makes sense. Locavores eat exclusively, or at least primarily, food from their local area. If you don’t know a word or a phrase, Google it. Wear cotton clothes. Don’t use fairness creams, they screw up your skin real bad. Your skin is dark for a reason. Not everyone can be an entrepreneur but do try your hand at being self-employed, or starting some business. But never ever get involved in Multi Level Marketing of any sort. Anyone involved in a MLM business is a slimeball especially those pushing products with dubious medical benefits. Never forward chain e-mail. Pursue the Arts and the Humanities. It doesn’t matter if you are a doctor or an engineer or a lawyer or an accountant or the guy who sells recharges for mobile phones – finally we are also human and need to learn about, and appreciate, the arts. Take risks. Make mistakes. Hopefully you will not be too badly scarred and will come out a better person from the experience. Have a Plan B, but if you don’t have one it’s ok. Sheer enthusiasm beats meticulous planning hands down. Never use mosquito repellants in a closed room. If you inhale the fumes you could get seriously ill. Never speak ill of your present employer. Never speak ill of your past employer. Never speak ill of anyone who you might someday have to return to for favours, or letters of recommendation. A cold soda locally produced is far more refreshing and cheaper than carbonated flavoured beverages made by international conglomerates. Better still is tender coconut water or a limbu paani. Learn to type, ride a bike, drive a car, configure a wi-fi connection, clean a spark plug... Learn all the basic skills that will make you independent and not handicapped. Be generous to handicapped people and the elderly – the rest can work for a living. Try not to hurt anyone, unless they were very mean to you. Don’t hit someone when they’re down. If you’re outnumbered or overpowered run away. It’s not cowardice, and you can get even later. Cooperation beats competition hands down anytime. Don’t bother too much with political correctness, it changes with the wind. You will encounter pseudo-activists, pseudo-animal lovers, pseudo-feminists and the like all your life. Learn to identify the deep from the shallow. Most genuine people don’t give themselves labels and don’t need them. Always carry a handkerchief and some photo-ID. Get your passport made even if you have no plans of going abroad. While you’re at it get a Voter ID too. Make a collection of fifty of your favorite songs – preferably in some portable digital format like MP3. Break in new shoes by wearing them at home before wearing them for an important occasion. Forwarding stuff by e-mail is too easy. Either create new content or modify or personalize stuff before sending it out. Don’t forward hoax warning e-mails without cross checking with a reliable source. If you do a lot of texting go in for a package deal with your cellphone provider. There is no excuse for using bad English in a text message. On occasion a popular acronym is acceptable, for brevity, but convoluted short forms just waste everyone’s time and energy. Frequent jumble sales. The best things in life are pre-used. Don’t put too much of a premium on virginity -it’s overrated, as is marriage. If you choose a partner to live the rest of your life with have the benefit of experience and choice. Live life abundantly. Sometimes go with your heart instead of your head. Blood is thicker than water but true friends will be with you through thick and thin. Love your loved ones with all of your heart. Nobody likes cemeteries or hospitals but you have to attend funerals and visit the sick. If you really really can’t make it, send flowers. Submerge yourself in good books, movies and music. If you can’t afford them download them free or buy pirated copies. You can send money directly to the content creator later when you’re richer. Don’t read too many magazines, and avoid television - especially repetitive talent competitions and never ending family serials. Listen to your body. It will tell you many things that the doctor cannot. Your body is as important as your mind. Take care of both. Wear protection. Ride with the wind, but wear a helmet. -------------------- This 'speech' first appeared in Goa Times (TOI) in the second part of their 3rd Anniversary Issue on 14th May 2011 ===========
