> > > *Do not wait *to* **inscribe on the tombstone* > > “*Do not wait to inscribe on the tomb stone, for he will not read it then*” > All of us often reserve our praises, stealthily, grudgingly till the person > passes away, thinking that it would amount to flattery. We see all > perfections in his personality, no faults, no flaws as an embodiment of > perfect soul. The encouragement and positive reinforcement would definitely > let the living person to strive to greater heights of glory, when the > appreciation is in measured doses of sincerity and spontaneity .Funeral > oratories have become a norm, though the Catholic Church, mercifully now > restricts to one spokesman in the church. The family member or the close > family, friend does the honours. In the past such a tradition depended upon > the social standing and position of the person. Now it is a must and > established custom. The family member in an attempt to thank, eulogises > and exaggerates the qualities of the person and what he means to them > .Surely these are personal observations of the family and they cannot be > otherwise. What interest do the select mourners have, when they already > know the person very closely and such talks are not for strangers? There is > an endless list of thanking by names and even those celebrities, who are > not present. Many times such a discourse of the family worth, seems > outlandish and out of place ,thrust upon the gathering of mourners, who > bear it quietly without open protest. The funeral oratories of popular and > important people are now shifted to the cemetery The attendance and > interest is not note worthy of mention, as the mourners prefer to leave as > quickly as possible, without meaning any disrespect and considering the > time spent on the event The obituaries immediately on death is another > custom gaining moment, but the press will not publish nor oblige, unless > the writer and the departed person is a prominent and popular figure. > Flowers are perhaps the best way to express our sentiments and feelings, > but the accompanying ribbons are being unfortunately collected for record > are in poor taste, In some cases the flowers from the bouquets are > distributed to the mourners, instead of using mud . Some do not believe in > these final rituals and quietly leave or may not even enter the burial > ground .The Church now does not permit, any elaborate monuments, permanent > graves to the dead and there is a simple stone marking the grave and which > are exhumed unfailingly after a period of 3 years. Decorations of the > graves are also being discouraged, as the litter that is left behind is a > nuisance. Still people will ornately decorate the graves, especially for > all souls day, the months mind and up to 3 years., There is. competitors > and prizes for the best decorated graves The Church is also encouraging the > preservations of the remains in specially built niches, at a huge costs to > those who can afford at the cemetery and selectively permits the remains to > be taken out for private remembrance It is a point to be considered, > whether the remains are sacred and to be adored The platform for lighting > of candles at niches is being banned > > How else do people perpetuate the memories of their departed loved ones > Dead are[N1] important, but the living are more important. The best way > is to treat them with utmost care, respect and dignity when they are alive. > Helping others in the memory of our loved ones. There is feeling of guilt , > remorse and fear and our behaviour at times may be unconsciously related to > these matters or public perception Offering of masses for the souls are not > limited to any time frame and there organisations that book for masses on > perpetual burses Those that may not leave any offspring’s , find these > arrangements assured during their life time. Building of monuments, framed > photographs adorning the walls are a thing of the past , as their memory > is buried in albums, CD`s, computer folders, rarely perused. Only the > immediate family members will have deep sentiments for their departed loved > ones and beyond that the interest and necessity is on the wane .Embalming > is not an suitable option. On the third death anniversary some mementos > with inscription of names or hymn books are donated to the church . > Orphanages, old age homes are also recipient of donations in their memory > .According to the custom among Catholics, beggars are entertained to a > lavish meal on the occasion of wedding (BIKARANCHEM JEVON) The custom is > almost extinct for the great difficulty of identifying such recipients and > currently their atrocious demands. Instituting prizes, scholarships, > financial aid to deserving students in Institutions including seminaries > are other alternatives. There are family gatherings, celebrations with > close friends, relatives, particularly up to the third death anniversary, > occasionally the birthdays are also celebrated and remembered in the family > .The question is up to how many generations the memories of the departed > will be meaningfully recollected. ? Releasing of newspaper advertisements > on birthdays and death anniversary by the family to remember them are in > vogue, In stead of rushing to release advertisements on the death, they > could be spaced in the following years The mountain of wreaths and flower > bouquets could be reconsidered, as utter, avoidable waste on the occasion > The voice of the dead is feebly audible, “I prefer to be honourable, > rather than being honoured with all the meaningless fuss” I wish shedding > of crocodile tears after my death, be spared for better purpose” > > Look at the coffin maker, the grave digger, the hangman, the deliverer of > euthanasia they have no qualms about their services Can we all learn from > them and accept the fact of life > > Nelson Lopes Chinchinim > > > ------------------------------ > > >
