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*** DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
 
40-ish              49
 
Adventurous         Slept with everyone
 
Athletic            No tits
 
Average looking     Ugly
 
Beautiful           Pathological liar
 
Contagious Smile    Does a lot of pills
 
Emotionally Secure  On medication
 
Feminist            Fat
 
Free spirit         Junkie
 
Friendship first    Former slut
 
Fun                 Annoying
 
New-Age             Body hair in the wrong places
 
Old-fashioned       No BJs
 
Open-minded         Desperate
 
Outgoing            Loud and Embarrassing
 
Passionate          Sloppy drunk
 
Professional        Bitch
 
Voluptuous          Very Fat
 
Large frame         Hugely Fat
 
Wants Soul mate     Stalker
 
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*** WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
 
  1.  Yes = No
 
  2.  No = Yes
 
  3.  Maybe = No
 
  4.  We need = I want
 
  5.  I am sorry = you'll be sorry
 
  6.  We need to talk = You're in trouble
 
  7.  Sure, go ahead = You better not
 
  8.  Do what you want = You will pay for this later
 
  9.  I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
 
  10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever
      think about?
 
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*** MEN'S ENGLISH:
 
  1.  I am hungry = I am hungry
 
  2.  I am sleepy = I am sleepy
 
  3.  I am tired = I am tired
 
  4.  Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
 
  5.  I love you = Let's have sex now
 
  6.  I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
 
  7.  May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
 
  8.  Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
 
  9.  Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex
      with you
 
  10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex
      with you
 
  11. 11 I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm
      gay
 
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