The New English
For all of you English teachers. Hear is something for laughs
or shall we say lafs.
European English:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be
the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the
other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan
that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the
sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There
will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph"
will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach
the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben
a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z"
and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey
vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl .
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