A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A fewminutes later, a 
big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in theseat next to him 
and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel alittle airsick, 
but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go tothe bathroom. He 
knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sittingthere, looking 
at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the planehits an air 
pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through thelittle guy. He 
can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy'schest. About 
five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees thevomit all over 
him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling betternow?"
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned aroundand 
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Aconcerned 
passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "Thepilot was 
bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flightattendant, 
"and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?...... It'snot because 
of the film's content, it's because the people in the film areeating better 
than the people on board.
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchenlistening to her 
son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heardher son said, 
"All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now, causethis is the 
last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, getyour asses in 
the plane, cause we're going to take-off now." The mother went inand told her 
son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I wantyou to go to 
your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you comeout, you may 
play with your plane, but I want you to use nice language." Twohours later, the 
son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with hisplane. Soon the mother 
heard her son say, "All passengers who are deplaning,please remember to take 
all of your belongings with you. We thank you for flyingwith us today and hope 
your tr ip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly withus again soon." She 
hears the little boy continue, "For those of you justboarding, we ask you to 
stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember,there is no smoking on 
the plane. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxingjourney with us today." 
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "Forthose of you who are pissed 
off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitchin the kitchen."Unleash 
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