---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: The Crunk Feminist Collective <[email protected]>
Date: Mon, Sep 20, 2010 at 9:41 AM
Subject: [New post] Females: You Just Can't Trust 'Em and Other Lies Women
Believe
To: [email protected]
<http://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/author/brittneycooper/>
Females:
You Just Can't Trust 'Em and Other Lies Women
Believe<http://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/2010/09/19/females-you-just-cant-trust-em-and-other-lies-women-believe/>
*crunktastic<http://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/author/brittneycooper/>
* | September 19, 2010 at 10:11 PM | Categories:
Uncategorized<http://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/category/uncategorized/>|
URL:
http://wp.me/pOmxF-cx
Distrust among women is at epidemic proportions, especially among women of
color. I am always amazed at the number of women I encounter who declare
proudly, that they *don’t hang with other FEMALES*, preferring the company
of males whom they are quick to assert are less prone to gossip,
back-stabbing, and emotionalism. Side Note: Y’all know dudes gossip! Stop
frontin! For many women, it’s a badge of honor to be “one of the guys.”
Ironically, I have never heard a man declare that he doesn’t “kick it with
other dudes, because men are generally not to be trusted.” In fact, such a
notion sounds absurd on its face, doesn’t it?
I’m not trying to be coy or dismissive. I get it. Many of us have been hurt
by other women. Deeply. I certainly have. I have had girlfriends to smile in
my face and then talk behind my back, sometimes while I was still in
earshot. Because I’m more of a nerdy, home-body, I continue to be the friend
easily left on the back burner when more glamorous, exciting people come
along. I have had knockdown drag out arguments with homegirls, nursed
terrible break-ups of what I thought would be life long friendships, and
cried more than a few tears over unreciprocated acts of platonic love.
As one friend told me in the midst of hurting me deeply, “I’m not used to
expending this kind of energy on girls. I only expend this kind of energy on
men.” She was insinuating that my love for her, my commitment to our
friendship, must have signaled that I was lesbian. The statement was
insulting because it reduced my love to the sexual and suggested that women
who love one another deeply must be sleeping together, as if sex is ever a
guarantee that the love is good. Lesbian sisters will tell you that it
ain’t easy for them either. But it is precisely our homophobia, our fear
that loving other women actively exposes the falsity of the strict
boundaries of straight and gay identity that keeps many of us from loving
one another with our full selves.
Perhaps what is more troubling is that many straight women believe deep down
that in matters of happiness women are as expendable as men are
indispensable. Hence my friend’s conclusion that only men are worthy of her
relational energy. But a life without sister-friends is a miserable and
unhappy life.
Why is it that when women hurt us, the entire lot of us ceases to be
trustworthy? And yet, men daily commit humiliating, heart-wrenching,
soul-gutting acts of insensitivity, inconsideration and violence toward us.
And we get up again and again and commit to loving them. Something is wrong
with this picture.
Our thinking must change.
Let's revisit and revise the messages that we got from our personal
experiences, men, and even the women in our families that told us not to
trust other women. Adulthood demands that we deal with our daddy issues and
issues with men in general; Grown womanhood demands that we unpack the
bullshit that we have with other women, that we name it, process it, and
begin to heal.
Every time we use the word “female” in a derogatory manner, we strip women
of their humanity. Cats can be female. Dogs can be female. But surely we
don’t need anyone else to refer to us as bitches. For those of you who think
your use of the term is innocuous, consciously check to see if you are ever
saying anything positive about women when you refer to them as “females.”
(E.g. “I don’t associate with females.” Substituting women in this statement
doesn’t really make sense; although substituting the term “bitches” makes
the most sense of all. So what are you really saying when you call women
“females”?)
And can we also just be honest? If you can’t trust “females” as a group, can
we trust you? The notion that every woman including you is not implicated in
her own sweeping denouncements of other women is just as faulty as the woman
who tells herself that her favorite rap star, “ain’t talking about me,” when
he refers to all women indiscriminately as bitches and hoes. Trust is like
respect. To get it, you gotta give it.
In the last few years, I have been blessed with many women friends, after
many lonely years of wondering if I would ever have close girlfriends. These
women have loved me fiercely, even in moments when I didn’t love myself.
They have talked me through countless heartbreaks and romantic
disappointments. They encourage me and challenge me to grow. I am a better
me because of the women I (have) know(n,) love(d), and share(d) this walk
with; without them, it would have been a spiritually truncated journey.
A friend's blog post reminded me recently, “I'm not only my sister’s keeper;
I am my
sister.”<http://simplytheresa.blogspot.com/2010/09/gift-of-sisterfriends.html>That
one is worth taking to the bank.
Add a comment to this
post<http://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/2010/09/19/females-you-just-cant-trust-em-and-other-lies-women-believe/#respond>
<http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gocomments/crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/777/>
<http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godelicious/crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/777/>
<http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gofacebook/crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/777/>
<http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gotwitter/crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/777/>
<http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gostumble/crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/777/>
<http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godigg/crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/777/>
<http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/goreddit/crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/777/>
[image: WordPress]
WordPress.com <http://wordpress.com> | Thanks for flying with WordPress!
Manage
Subscriptions<http://subscribe.wordpress.com/?key=35487b93aa5bf1f7030a02754c73332a&email=kmvenuannur%40gmail.com>|
Unsubscribe<http://subscribe.wordpress.com/?key=35487b93aa5bf1f7030a02754c73332a&email=kmvenuannur%40gmail.com&b=uEi80Umr%5Bm%26PctLN%3F%2BZOAIJ_Q4Xm%7Cc%3FFnv%26jp-%2CT3>|
Reach
out to your own subscribers with
WordPress.com.<http://wordpress.com/signup/?ref=email>
*Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser:*
http://subscribe.wordpress.com
--
You cannot build anything on the foundations of caste. You cannot build up a
nation, you cannot build up a morality. Anything that you will build on the
foundations of caste will crack and will never be a whole.
-AMBEDKAR
http://venukm.blogspot.com
http://www.shelfari.com/kmvenuannur
http://kmvenuannur.livejournal.com
--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
"Green Youth Movement" group.
To post to this group, send an email to [email protected].
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
[email protected].
For more options, visit this group at
http://groups.google.com/group/greenyouth?hl=en-GB.
