[Gulf Goans] Coping with the death of a loved - Khushwant Singh

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 22:20:42 -0700


    Khushwant Singh

Coping with the death of a loved

Wednesday, October 05, 2005 / http://www.cybernoon.com/

 

There are two schools of thought on the subject - Eastern and western.
 
There are two schools of thought on the subject - Eastern and Western. Orientals believe that the best way of coping with the death of a loved one like a parent, spouse or child is to cry your heart out till you are drained of tears. The custom vain (chants of lament) and breast-beating were regarded as cathartic. All this is followed by chautha, chaleesveen, bhog, antim ardas or a prayer meeting in memory of the departed soul. Friends are expected to call in the belief that grief shared is grief halved. Westerners believe that grief is a private matter and should not be exhibited in public. Shedding tears is unmanly. One should put a stoic front and get over the shock of loss by oneself.
I had to cope with the problem myself very recently. Beng an agnostic, I could not find solace in religious rituals. Being essentially a loner, I discouraged friends and relations coming to condole with me on the death of my wife. Most of them ignored my request and came to see me. I found this commiserating with me on my emotional trauma. I spent the first night alone sitting in my chair in the dark. At times I broke down, but soon recovered my composure. A couple of days later, I resumed my usual routine of work from dawn to dusk. That took my mind off the stark reality of having to live alone in an empty home for the rest of my days. But friends persisted on calling, and upsetting my equilibrium. So I packed myself off to Goa to be alone by myself. I was not sure if it would work out.
Everyone has to evolve his or her own formula of coping with grief. People who believe in God turn to Him. Words of the 34th Psalm are pertinent: ‘The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.’ Jesus Christ who was an Oriental was not ashamed of weeping before everyone when he lost a friend. So it is recorded in the Bible (John 11-33-38): ‘When Jesus saw many weeping and the Jews who had come along with him also weeping, he was deeply marred in spirit and troubled: “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!"
one would expect, Osho Rajneesh made light of the darkest of subjects, including ways of coping with grief. In his collection of sermons Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen, he cites the case of an Italian, Perelli, and his method of getting over the shock of losing his wife: ‘At the funeral of his wife, Perelli made a terrible scene, so terrible and heart-rending, in fact, that friends had to forcibly restrain him from jumping into the grave and being buried with his beloved Maria. Then, still overcome with grief, he was taken home in the rented limousine and immediately went into complete seclusion.
‘A week passed and nothing was heard of him. Finally, worried about the poor guy, his late wife’s brother went to the house. After ringing the doorbell for ten minutes - and still worried - the brother-in-law jimmied the front door, went upstairs and found his dead sister’s husband busy with the maid.’
“The bedroom was a mess - empty champagne bottles every where. “This is terrible, Perelli!” the brother-in-law declared in shocked tones. “Your dead wife, my sister, has been dead only a week and you’re doing this! You’re doing this!” So busy was Perelli that he managed only to turn his head. “How do I know what I’m doing?” he said. “I got such grief! I got such grief!”’ At one time Jains, Hindus and Sikhs celebrated the passing of the elders who had led a full life. They decorated their biers with balloons and buntings, and funeral processions were led by brass bands playing military marches or films songs right from their homes to cremation grounds. It is a pity that not many today follow this custom. The death of aged people, particularly those who died after prolonged illnesses, should be looked upon as a reprieve from suffering, and celebrated.


This first of its kind Gulf-Goans e-newsletter is dedicated to Goans around the Globe. http://www.goa-world.com/ Team, moderated by Almeida Gaspar since 1994 & presented by Ulysses Menezes, owner of http://www.goa-world.com website.
__________________
'Speak Konkani, Save Konkani’
'Konkani uloi, Konkani samball'
_________________
Holy Family Choir (Kuwait) presents their Annual Parents' Day Musical Programme
titled "Love, Sacrifice n Betrayal" on Thursday, 6th Oct. 2005 at 7:15 p.m.
_________________
Goan Credo:  I am first a Goan and that I shall forever be, and never forget that my mothertongue is Konkani
- Basilio Magno, Esq.  (Spain)
 
The Sentinels to present "COUTURE MANTRA 2005" - multidimensional Fashion Show & Theme Party
on 10th November 2005 at Faker Eldeen Palace, Kuwait City.
 

Yahoo! for Good
Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.

http://www.goa-world.com
http://www.live365.com/stations/61664 Live Konkani Music
http://www.mahableshwar.com/


Addresses:
Post message: [email protected]
Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 
Unsubscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 
List owner: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
URL to this page:
http://www.yahoogroups.com/group/gulf-goans




YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS



Reply via email to