Really funny....Enjoy!!!
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Slan go foill
Elena ÓTighearnaigh Átha An Ri
Emer's Needle Wares
Subject: Secret report stolen from the costumer's guild
Date: Tue, 19 Jul 2005 14:33:41 +0000
Scientific Study Reveals Hypnotizing Effect
A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain
Pheromones, that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase ungodly
amounts.
When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones
(in the fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar
to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food),
therefore perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due
to their kind being cut up into pieces and mixed with others. Sound tests
have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard
only by a select few of breed of women known as 'Costumers'.
When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants 'buy me,
cut me, sew me!" In order to overcome the so-called 'feeding frenzy effect'
that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage
facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must
laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a fabric store, with WW2 army
gas masks and headphones!).
Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth,
helping
to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human population. They
are called FABRIC STORE CLERKS. It's also been my experience that these same
Pheromones cause a pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away
when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when
asked by a significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is "I've had it
for a while".
(Originally published in August 1997 in the Western North Carolina Quilters
Guild Newsletter)
Youth is when we are always hunting greener pastures, and middle age is when
we can barely mow the one we've got. [Uh oh; nowadays I have someone else
mow it for me!]
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