WASHINGTON - A little known computer language offers hope for Y2K
computer problems. With the federal government falling behind in the task
of preparing its computers for the year 2000, experts are turning to a
small startup company, Lambdametrics, to address the Y2K bug, a
problem that arises from computers that record only the last two
digits of a year. Such systems might treat the year 2000 as the year
1900, leading to serious miscalculations or even a system crash.
Of more than 7,000 critically important government computer systems,
only 21 percent are ready for the year 2000, according to a report
released by the Office of Management and Budget. About 17 percent will
be scrapped or replaced, but that leaves almost 4,500 systems to be
repaired in less than three years, the agency said. The numbers
exclude the Social Security Administration, which has been working on
the problem since 1989 and has almost three-quarters of its systems
ready.
As time to fix these problems runs short, conventional approaches to
the Y2K problem seem inadaquate. This has allowed a small but aggressive
startup company, Lambdametrics, to step in where other software giants
have failed. The secret to the Lambdametrics technology is a formerly
obscure programming device called a "monad". Dr. Mark Jones, the head of
Lambdametrics, is credited with inventing the "Y2K monad", capable of
fixing even the most convoluted software. "This is a revolutionary
discovery," he explained. "It both detects and corrects Y2K problems
with almost no human assistance."
It's not likely that Lambdametrics will have much competition:
co-founder Phil Wadler holds essential patents on monad technology.
"It will take years for the competition to figure out what we've done"
boasted Dr. Wadler. "And when they do, they will have license our
patents".
Even President Clinton has heard of Lambdametrics now. "I don't know
what monads are, but they seem to work!" he exclaimed as Lambdametrics
engineers applied their technology to the oval office computers. "I
just hope they can fix the Social Security computers in time."
Even after the Y2K problems are over, Lambdametrics expects to
continue growing. They have staked their future on a programming
language called "Haskell", named for Eddie Haskell, a character in an
old TV show. "The Haskell language is the best way to take monads
into the real world", explained Dr. Jones. "Someday, even toasters
will have monads in them thanks to Haskell."
