Thanks Miguel, I'll go over them today, make changes, and assign tasks.
-Josh On Wed, Feb 3, 2016 at 2:17 PM, Miguel Morales <[email protected] > wrote: > Hi HERAtics, > > This is mostly for Josh and Aaron as the grand poobahs of the proposal, > but I included everyone as FYI and as there are a few areas where specific > information may be needed. > > My main overview comment is the proposal could use another editing pass > for tone. I think we want the tone to be one of easy confidence — we are so > good we can be a little magnanimous. There are places that currently sound > like we're sniping at 'competitors', and I think this has the effect of > making us look a little insecure. On proposals I write, it is this tone > that is always the last thing to get right. > > There are a few errors in places that I tried to point out, and a few > things that were oversold (should be removed) or undersold (make BI photo > bigger to emphasize we care and add CHAMP to the final conclusion, etc.). > But in general I think the proposal is coming together really well. > > Best, > > Miguel > > > > > > >
