Our Father who art in Heaven, hollowed be Thy name,
Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven, give us
this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those
who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us
from evil. I prayed before I slept.
I was about 13 then. My friends and I thought it was
the coolest thing in the World to be Christians. We all went to church
together on Sundays and Youth on Wednesday at the Baptist Church that is
now known as Gateway Church on Tulare St. and Conyer. We were all die
hard Christian punks. We went to shows that had Christian bands playing
and listened to Footklan and Living Sacrifice.
Dead to the World, and alive in Christ!! we would
shout as the band got ready to play their next song.
About a year went by like this. My friends even took
me to the Vans Warped Tour in 2002. I was 14 when I began thinking to
myself, Religion shouldnt be a fad. Come to think of it, I only believe
this because my friends do.
I immediately went to my Youth Pastor. I told him how
I felt and what my questions were. He gave me little workbooks that were
supposed to help guide me on my path. My questions were serious; not just
silly questions kids think of. Mine were likewhy does God have a son? How
can God and his son be one including the Holy Spirit? What is the Holy
Spirit? Since God and Jesus are one, and Jesus died on the cross
Did God
die then too?some answers he did have, but others he just said to me, It
takes faith.
Faith, I thought to myself. Faith? He is telling me
I need to have faith to know that the basis of my religion is real and
true?
Later I went to a priest and asked him the same
questions. I got the same answers. I went to the pastor at Grace Lutheran
Church and asked him the same questions. Again, I got the same answers. I
went home to think and gather my thoughts together.
Judaism!! I thought.
Its like the backbone of Christianity. If Christians
werent right then Jews have to be! I thought.
I started reading online about Jewish beliefs,
culture, and tradition. I fell in love. I downloaded Jewish songs and
bought movies by Jewish producers and writers. I wept and wept watching
Schindlers List and The Pianist. I felt betrayed by my own countrymen.
(Im German) I felt angry towards Palestinians and love for Israel and its
people. I went to the Synagogue, Temple Bnai David, every Friday on
Chinowth and Tulare. I tried teaching myself Hebrew. I found out that
Reformed Jews allow women to wear yarmulkes. So, I immediately went and
bought one. I wore it with pride in the Temple, I wore it to school, and
downtown with my friends. Now I was a Jewish punk. I wanted to start a
band named The Mad Rabbis. I wanted to be a Rabbi.
Time went on and I turned 15. Despite the passion I
had for this beautiful religion, I saw the huge hole it had in it. I felt
there was something missing. There was no Jesus. I completely tried to
forget about him. As much as I tried, I just couldnt. So, I thought to
myself, Judaism cant be it. As much as I want it to be, it just cant. I
cant believe in something knowing there is a void.
At that time I just felt completely lost. I didnt know what
to do. I gave up. My friends started to go astray from their religion
also. But the path they took was the rough one. Smoking, drinking, and
partying were their way of release from what they felt. And unfortunately
I began to hang out with them more. So, I picked up the habit of smoking.
I drank once, but I got so sick that I never did it again. And just the
thought of alcohol still makes me nauseous. I eventually got back into my
search for myself after a few months. I remembered this one religion I
heard ofIslam. And thats pretty much all I knew about it. That it was
called Islam and that its an Arab religion. I decided to read about it. I
bought a couple of books, but I mostly went to Islamic websites like
What was this? Thats how you pray? There is no God
but God? Fasting? Charity? Pilgrimage to Mecca? Mecca? I read on and
on.
I learned that the people on 9/11 who called
themselves Muslims were going against what their religion taught them. I
found a verse in the Quran that says if you take one life it's like
taking the lives of all humanity, and if you save one life it's like
saving all of humanity. I read that women had the right to education,
divorce, owning homes, driving, etc. They have every right as any woman
living in America. I found out that culture and religion differ a lot. I
began to pray as best as I could. I memorized all the Arabic and all the
movements. I gained respect for my parents. I stopped smoking. I fasted my
first Ramadan last year in 2004 as a Muslim. I learned that as a Muslim, I
should be humble and not argumentative. I read that I should respect my
elders and respect myself. I started wearing my hijab at the beginning of
this semester. I wear it because I believe my body is my own business.
Just because I cover my hair doesnt mean I am less of a woman, but in
fact, it makes me more of a woman. People may look at me and think
terrorist, but Id rather let them think of me like that when I know I
am no where close to anyone. Or, if Im not wearing my hijab, people could
look at me like any other girl and if they like what they see on my body
then theyll talk to me. I chose respect. I learned also that Muslims
believe that Jesus (Son of the Virgin Mary) was a Prophet and Mohammed was
the last Prophet. I learned they accept the Bible and Torah and the Quran
all as Holy Books. I began to look at the fighting between Palestine and
Israel with disgust. I didnt understand how people could have so much
hate for each other. I gained so much knowledge of this young, beautiful
religion. I decided it was time.
I converted to Islam in May of 2004 at the age of
16.
I am a Muslim. Thats who I am and that is my
religion. My religion has shaped my outlook on life, my behavior, and my
perception and acceptance of others. Its very important to me because it
is a part of me everyday, every moment. I pray five times a day. I worship
my God the way He wants and not how I want. I dont think about Him only
on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays or when I am in trouble. I think about
Him all the time, every day. It has made me more accept the others and has
given me understanding. Islam has shaped not only my beliefs, but also my
opinions, and my actions. Alhamdulillah. (All praise is to
God)
