From: "yeap cheng liang" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Punctuation for leaders Amir Muhammad 1. Comma , Used when you are delivering a long list of things which you plan to do to anyone who entertains the slightest notion of going against you. Example: "Anyone who opposes me will be stunned, vapourised, amortised, annihilated and have all their parking privileges withdrawn." 2. Apostrophe ' Used when you are denoting the situation in another country, which naturally pales in comparison to your own way of doing things. Example: "America's system of free speech will lead to anarchy. Aren't you glad I'm around to make sure that doesn't happen here?" 3. Brackets ( ) Used when you are casually listing your immense accomplishments. Example: "All the things I did for this country (chasing away Japanese soldiers, founding Umno and then welcoming Japanese corporations) were done with no wish for personal gain." 4. Ellipsis ... Used when you have so much to say that you can omit a few words and still convey the gist of your message. Example: "These Opposition people ... rioting ... looting ... foreign help ... what's the point?" 5. Colon : Used in describing the qualities associated with your leadership. Example: "When you vote for me you know what you get : Stability, harmony, prosperity." Also used in describing the qualities associated with the other side. Example: "When you vote for them you know what you get : Violence, poverty and too much facial hair." Then used to neatly wrap up your point. Example: "So you decide : Me or them?" 6. Question mark ? Used to throw back any accusation, only this time as if you were the person who seeks the information from your questioner. This highly complex strategy requires practice and is not recommended for novices. Example: "They say my house is a palace. Why would I want to live in a palace? Can they tell me that?" 7. Quotation marks " " Used to pass on messages of support which you have received from speaking members of the silent majority, and which spur you to carry on. Example: "I thought of stepping down but people came up to me and said "We need you to save us" so what can I do?" Used also to pass on unsupportive messages you have heard from the noisy minority, and which spur you to carry on. Example: "They say all sorts of things about me, like "He's the devil incarnate." These people are liars, so I must stay on to make sure they don't gain the upper hand." 8. Exclamation point ! Used to make a pronouncement all the more emphatic and true. Example: "Of course the judiciary is fair!" 9. Semi-colon ; Used to link several independent factors which have let to your continuing rule. Example: "People don't want sudden change; they don't believe in lies very easily; they are frightened by the situation in neighbouring countries." Used also to link other independent factors which slightly loosened your grip on power. Example: "People are emotional; they easily believe the lies spread by the other side; we didn't explain the issues clearly enough to them." 10. Virgule / Used to give your junior ministers several choices in describing your leadership. Example: "The country under our leader today is amazing/ the envy of the world/ marching confidently to the future/ the ultimate ice-blended mocha delight with whipped cream on top." 11. Hyphen - Used to glue words together so that the concept described becomes embedded in the public consciousness and can be recited automatically by any school kid. Example: "Foreigners-jealous-of-our-success." Another example: "Going-through-the-proper-channels." Yet another example: "With-a-proven-track-record." Final example: "Preaching-hatred-against-the-government." 12. Period. Used to denote finality. Example: "I did it my way." AMIR MUHAMMAD studied law and then film, and is now a full-time writer based in Kuala Lumpur. COUNTER CULTURE will discuss everything from Aristotle's fashion sense to Amy Mastura's politics, although not always in that order. The column will appear in malaysiakini every Wednesday. --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- Get great offers on top-notch products that match your interests! Sign up for eLerts at: <a href=" http://clickme.onelist.com/ad/elerts1 ">Click Here</a> ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------Welcome to Mutiara-Net---------- A Discussion Forum for Better Penang ------------------------------------------------------ Email DAP Penang at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Website http://www.dappg.org.my/dappg Mirror site http://dappg.hypermart.net ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Send messages to: To join the discussion: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To subscribe, [EMAIL PROTECTED] To switch to digest mode, [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe, [EMAIL PROTECTED] Archive: http://www.escribe.com/politics/mutiara-net
