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-----Original Message-----
From: Fareena Alam [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Sunday, April 02, 2000 11:05 PM
Subject: [menjawab] What Makes a True Man
What Makes a True Man
By: Anees Siddiqui
Taken from the Muslim Students' Association of University of Houston
http://www.uh.edu/campus/msa/
She lays on the ground, bleeding, broken. The shadow of her attacker
recedes in the darkness, followed by the tattered remnants of her security
and honor. Blood has replaced her tears, and harsh pain has choked the
cries from her throat. Bruises cover her body, but none scar her so deep as
the one on her heart. There she lays, your sister, a Muslim. She is alone,
and when the strength to rise returns to her she will pull herself up,
alone. She will wash and bandage her wounds. Then humbly, meekly apologize
to her attacker, her husband.
She is your sister, my people, and she is shunned by us all. She is the
victim of an ummah that does not understand: the prey of a man that feels
baseball bats is the Sunnah of our Beloved Prophet (Sal Allah alehi
wasalam). "Men are the maintainers and protectors of the women, because
Allah has given more (strength) to one then the other, and because they
support them from their means." (Nisa:34).
There is a great injustice that has reared its head in the homes of many
Muslims. It is an injustice that destroys people like the worst of tyranny.
Oppression, suppression, and ultimately repression are the result of this
horrid fact, and it is a fact. However, more often than not, we find
ourselves forgetting its very existence and eventually denying its reality.
This tyranny is not just the battery of women; rather, it is a precursor to
that abuse. It is the blatant disregard for the foundation of marriage that
The Most Wise has prescribed.
It may seem that the above statement is contradicted by reality. We are
bombarded by letters, articles, speeches, and books about marriage and the
rights that the parties receive as a result of this union. However, more
often than not, there is a conspicuous lack of emphasis placed on the
rights that a wife is entitled to receive due to the marriage. This void in
our understanding, in the understanding of men, readily translates itself
into the gruesome accounts that we hear regarding battery from all over the
Muslim world. Perhaps, then, it is more our fault that this tyranny is
occurring. Perhaps, we are the ones to blame for not disseminating the
knowledge, the freedom. Perhaps, rather, when we spread the word of our
Lord we will see a change, "Men are the maintainers and protectors of the
women, because Allah has given more (strength) to one then the other, and
because they support them from their means." (Nisa: 34).
In confronting the question of what responsibilities men, in fact, owe to
women, it is found that this ayat embodies the Islamic answer: "Men are the
maintainers and protectors of the women." It is so simple. In marriage, it
is the OBLIGATION of the man, the right that the wife can legally enforce
on her spouse, to take care of her. He must provide for her food, clothing,
education, and all other physical needs of herself and the household. He
must protect her in the face of danger. He must act as a father to the
children. If he does not do these things, then it is a more than sufficient
grounds for a divorce. These are the basic rights that are conferred upon
the individual when entering a marriage.
It goes deeper.
The Prophet (Sal Allah alehi wasalam) once described women as a delicate
ornament vase, and treated them accordingly. This does not mean that he
looked down on them. Rather, he maintained them in a deeper sense then the
superficial one that we are so familiar with. Maintaining is more than the
immense responsibility of providing for the physical needs; rather, it is
the gargantuan obligation to provide for the emotional ones.
In addition, the Prophet (Sal Allah alehi wasalam) has said that the best
Muslim man is the one who is best to his wife (Bukhari). The ordinance,
therefore, is clear and needs to be emphasized. Men are meant to cater to
the needs of the wife, and aid whenever possible. Kindness to the wife has
been emphasized over and over by Prophet (Sal Allah alehi wasalam). It is
even said that putting a morsel of food into the mouth of one's wife out of
love may be viewed as charity.
This is exactly what women should expect of their men. This is what men
should expect from themselves. It is the job of the husband to remember
that they are, indeed, the captain of the helm, but who would argue that
the ship is not of equal importance, if not more important?
------------------------
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http://www.themodernreligion.com
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