Pretty elaborate. And at least semiserious down to the presentation of the real news, but then I became sorely aware of the date after just two words.
Klaus --- On Thu, 4/1/10, [email protected] <[email protected]> wrote: > From: [email protected] <[email protected]> > Subject: [Hornlist] NEW FRENCH HORN MOUTHPIECE RIM > To: [email protected], [email protected] > Date: Thursday, April 1, 2010, 2:18 PM > > The French horn mouthpiece rim is probably-maybe the > most important piece > of equipment we have. Since our lips are > producing the sound, given a > steady, athletic airstream, it is the most intimate > connection between the > French horn player and instrument. Traditionally, > rims are made of metal or > plastic. Metal rims are usually brass or nickel > silver, and are left simply > polished or plated with either silver or gold, though > chrome and bright > nickel have also been used with some success. A > variety of plastics have > been used, including PS, PP, PDV, PA, PC, the most popular > now being LEXAN™, > (PRT). Rims come in countless shapes and > contours: round, cushion, oval, > reverse peak, flat, wide, medium, narrow and on and > on and on! Most > players experiment constantly, frequently or now and again > to find the “perfect” > rim which will give them a great sound, ease of flexibility > and range, > quick, predictable and consistent response, and > endurance. It seems that many > never find exactly what they want because of > compromises in these > traditional designs. A wide rounded rim may be easy > to play and give good endurance > but has a dull sound or difficult flexibility. A > narrow flat or reverse > peak rim may open up the sound and quicken response > but cuts down on > endurance. Silver plating pits after a while > with constant use (depending on body > chemistry, etc.) and has to be re-plated, usually > changing the feel of the > rim since it is hard to judge and control the amount > of plating applied to > duplicate the original completely. Gold plating feels > more slippery and > perhaps helps flexibility but it wears off even quicker > than silver and also > has to be replaced. Some French horn > players are allergic to metals (or in > my own case, it’s allergic to me) and use > plastic. Plastic rims feel > sticky compared to plated or bare metal ones. > There are millions of mouthpiece > stories, most with bad endings, so I’m not going on > and on about this. > Perhaps the folks here will want to “chime in” later > with their own > experiences. > The “perfect” rim would give the player a lively > sound, quick response, > flawless flexibility and technique in changing > registers small clam > percentages, and, most importantly, ENDURANCE! > I don’t know about you, but I hate > practicing! But I have to do my “daily > routine” in order to build and > keep the strength and skill I need to play in > public. I haven’t practiced > since last August as I had nothing scheduled to play since > I’m semi-retired > from performing. I have engagements coming up > so now I have to get in > shape. It will take me, using my genuine LAWSON > B23G 695 LEXAN™ rim, about a > week to 10 days of gradually increasing the length my > daily practice > sessions to get to what I call “a two hour lip.” > Once achieved, my “two hour lip” > gives me the confidence to go “into battle” and play > my best! Yes, I do > watch TV when I do my “horn aerobics and weight > training,” which are > Farkas type warm ups, long tones, scales, arpeggios, > Kopprasch (from freaking > memory), etc. but I have seen enough reruns of CSI, > Law and Order and Looney > Tunes (not to mention Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica > and the Three > Stooges) and I am sick of the news channels like Fox > and CNN with all of their > crappy political posturing and LA car chases. I > don’t like sports except > Formula One racing, which is rarely on, so I’m probably > stuck listening to > myself doing the same old stuff, over and over, lengthening > the session, every > friggin' day! BAH! What if all of this could > be avoided? I’ve wondered > about that for years watching reruns and news. > You probably have too. > I HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER! > INTRODUCING: THE WATER RIM! > The WATER RIM is my latest product development at > Lawson Horns. Modern > technology and materials coupled with my own lust for > knowledge have made it > all possible. Please allow me to describe and > explain this revolutionary > new piece of miracle equipment for the French horn player, > be they serious > or not. > It is constructed by attaching a .001” thick round > “pillow” or “envelope” > of MYLAR™ (boPET) to a traditional LEXAN™ > plastic screw rim that is cut > down to a flat or contoured surface (with or without > retaining surfaces on > its edges) from .119” to .478” wide at the thread > joint with the cup. > This “pillow” can be made to any cubic > specification thus creating different > sizes and feels and different shapes achieved by the > width, contour and > retaining surfaces of the screw base. The > “pillow” is attached securely to > the base using the recently introduced > NanoLaserSchweisserAtomique from the > Swiss company SELVAGGIO-BÉCASSINE-JAEGER, a very > expensive but not too > complicated to operate machine. It is > then injected to capacity with distilled > water using a conventional hypodermic needle. > For now, the hole is closed > using the NanoLaserSchweisserAtomique and the rim is ready > to play. This > took some practice, since we are dealing with nano > technology in the > process, and you have to be careful to cover all of > your nanos at all times. I > will develop and implement a valve, similar to that > on a beach ball, but nano > sized, so that the firmness is easily adjusted by > adding or emptying water > by the player as requirements of repertoire being > performed may dictate. > Either way, all manufacturing processes are done in > about a tenth of the > time it takes to mill a conventional rim from metal > or plastic as the bases > are very simple to make, and even simpler (and > cheaper), once farmed out to > China as they don’t have to be as precise as a > whole, properly contoured > screw rim. > “HOW’S IT PLAY” you ask? > “WELL, PLEASE, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, LET ME TELL > YOU SOMETHING” I reply. > I picked up the horn today (as I mentioned earlier I > had not practiced > since last August) and played for 6 hours, 37 minutes > and 42 seconds straight > with a great sound and range from pedal C to F above > high C with better > flexibility than I have ever had! It felt so good at > the start, I did no > Farkas warm up, long tones, scales, arpeggios and most > importantly KOPPRASCH and > played through all the Mozart Concertos (improvising 5 to > 10 minute > cadenzas up to F’s above high C and ending with a > 20 second long lip trill on > high C), all the Strauss (both Franz and Richard) > concertos and solo pieces, > (taking the coda of R. Strauss No. 1 at mm198 to the > dotted quarter), the > Schumann A and A (twice, straight through without a > break) and 1st part to > the Konzertstueck, (again, twice in a row), the > Villanelle, En Foret, the > Beethoven Sonata, the Brahms trio and the Mozart horn > quintet, the John > Williams horn concerto and my entire collection of > screaming Baroque horn > concerti (16 in all) on my descant! I did also > throw in one Kopprasch, No. 54, > at mm144 to the quarter note since my flexibility was > so good and the > fastest I had ever been able to play that one in the past, > even when I was at > Curtis, was about mm48. All of this with only a half > dozen or so clams, and > those were because I didn’t use my air correctly, > not because I was tired. > And I could have gone on and on but the Grand Prix > race ended on TV! Now, > I don’t have to practice ever again! > Remember, though, that I am a > veteran professional with over 40 years experience and 50 > years total horn > playing on my resume and I was a complete natural and child > prodigy on the horn, > anyway, so your results may vary, depending on your own > abilities and > experience. Also, it’s not to say that > everyone will have to bypass initial > training, study and practice since you’ll still > need to know how to read music > (maybe even at sight), transpose, use your air, and > probably most > importantly, get a good lip. But this might speed the > lip building process up a > bit. As a world class instructor, I’ll find > out at KBHC and with my students > at UNH. I do believe, though, that this is the > definitive answer to every > French horn player’s prayers! > “WHEN CAN I GET ONE” you ask? > Well, I have to make a bunch, which should take a > week or two, and price > it. That’s the hard part. Should I apply for > a patent? Probably not. Big > delay due to government bureaucracy and I’m not > worried in the least about > the jejune, sleazy, popinjays who compete with us, > copying our stuff, > usually inaccurately so it doesn’t work the same as > the real thing. What is it > truly worth to play hundreds of times better than > what you are doing now? > What is it worth to never have to practice. NEVER > AGAIN? Hundreds, even > thousands or MILLIONS of dollars? Can I really put a > dollar value on helping > thousands, even millions, of French horn players to > play better? Not to > mention pissing off the legions of conductors who > won’t be able to yell at > their horn sections anymore and the music critics who > won’t be able write “ > This was an excellent concert but the horns missed > some notes” again and > again. Also, do I make this available to the > other brass players allowing > them to play even louder than they do now? Here is a > chance to stop hoping > and start changing for all of us French horn players! > Geezs, I might just be > a true philanthropist and give it away in order to > make the world a better > place! Hell, if Prof. I.M. Gestopftmitscheist > gets a hold of one of > these, he’ll be out of friggin' business! > HAHAHA! This is what I have to ponder > as well as my next product, which came to me in a > dream, whilst fast > asleep on a mattress made of memory foam. > _______________________________________________ > post: [email protected] > unsubscribe or set options at > https://pegasus.memphis.edu/cgi-bin/mailman/options/horn/yorkmasterbbb%40yahoo.com _______________________________________________ post: [email protected] unsubscribe or set options at https://pegasus.memphis.edu/cgi-bin/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
