Did Sidd Finch use an analog version of this?
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf
Of [email protected]
Sent: Friday, April 01, 2011 1:40 PM
To: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: [Hornlist] Who Wants to Play the Horn Perfectly?
We all love the beauty of the horn but we all suffer it's scourge:
INACCURACY or CLAMMING of notes. Clammed notes occur when the embouchure
does not
vibrate the correct pitch. Usually, it's the air stream that's at fault
but they are also caused by fatigue of the lips and in some cases, the
player's bad ear since he/she has no clue what note to play. Even the best
professionals miss notes now and again and amateurs and students generally
are
plagued by it constantly. I've been there, done that and got the tee shirt
myself and it has always been a quest of mine to find studies and teaching
methods to help all horn players to "increase their batting average." But
even with the most dedicated practice of the most tried and true
techniques, CLAMS ARE INNEVITABLE for all of us!
NOW, I HAVE THE ANSWER TO ALL OF OUR PRAYERS, my latest invention, THE
CLAMINATOR!
Please allow me this opportunity to describe this miraculous machine which
I will be producing soon.
The Claminator is an electronic device, about the size of an I Pod,
powered by the latest, fastest Intel processor. This powerful mini
computer is
wirelessly connected to a nano microphone placed in the wall of the cup of
the mouthpiece and two nano speakers mounted in the bell tail an inch or
two
before the main bell brace as not to be touched by the player's hand in
the bell. One speaker points up the bell, the other is directed out the
bell
across the players hand. Powerful software installed in the device
monitors the performance of the player and immediately senses through the
mouthpiece mic whether the note is correct or not. If not, it immediately
sends
two signals to the speaker, one is white noise at the proper frequency to
erase the clam and the other, the correct pitch at the right dynamic.
Since
microwaves travel faster than sound, this is all done in a nano second.
The cracked note is fixed and the player, conductor and audience are all
happy campers! The only unhappy person in the entire hall is the music
critic,
as he has nothing to criticize!
I have an electronics manufacturer in China, Fook Yu Sun, Propriety
Limited, all set to produce these devices dirt cheap. The first run will
retail
for less than $300. The software, on the other hand, will be more
expensive as each horn part of each piece of music must be programmed for
storage
in the device. This will not come cheap, I'm afraid, and will vary on the
length and difficulty of the individual part. 1st horn parts will cost
more
than 4th horn parts and most concertos will be very expensive compared to
individual orchestral parts of short works such as overtures and waltzes.
But hey, what's it worth to you to play perfectly on the horn?
I've completed several titles and more on the way so here is an idea of
what the software will run:
Beethoven, Symphony No. 7, 1st or 2nd horn, about $1,200 each.
Mozart, Horn Concerto No. 3, about $600
Mozart, Horn Concerto No. 4, about $700
R. Strauss, Concerto No. 1, about $1,000
Weber, Oberon Overture, about $350
Mahler 5, 1st Horn and Obbligato, about $2,000
Mahler 5, 6th horn, about $1,000
Schoenberg, Chamber Symphony No. 1, either part, about $1,800.
Schubert, Auf dem Strom, about $800.
R. Strauss, Til, 1st horn, about $1,100 (The Claminator will not fix
bad rhythm, though, but my next invention will: THE RHYTHMINATOR).
You get the idea and I'm sure I'll be able to run specials for full sets,
etc. and volume pricing.
So order soon and often as I know these will go like free beers on St.
Patty's Day! Also, once the conductors and managers find out about this,
they
will ban them from auditions and the professionals will have to go back to
their usual nerve controls, alcohol and drugs. I WILL, ON NO CONDITION,
SELL THIS PRODUCT TO STUDENTS! AMATEURS and PROS, ONLY and my target
market
are the amateurs. Think about it, your community orchestra section will
sound better than the major orchestra in your city with these things once
they are banned from the profession!
I'll have a new web site up and running once I have stock of both devices
and software titles: _www.outdamnedclam.com_ (http://www.outdamnedclam.com)
so check there from time to time to see when they are available. And
remember,
"The clam you save, may be your own!"
Best wishes,
Kendall Betts
_______________________________________________
post: [email protected]
unsubscribe or set options at
https://pegasus.memphis.edu/cgi-bin/mailman/options/horn/bgross%40airmail.ne
t
_______________________________________________
post: [email protected]
unsubscribe or set options at
https://pegasus.memphis.edu/cgi-bin/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
