HORN TRASH By Kenny B. There is much to be said about the trashing of the horn. I will give you some thoughts on the subject now and you will be able to read about these in greater detail upon the publication of my soon to be completed book on the subject. I have not decided on the title yet but I have narrowed it down to the following three: "The Art of French Horn Trashing"; "On Trashing the Horn"; "Grand Theoretical and Practical Method for Trashing the Horn". Here are some excerpts from my manuscript. Chapter 1: To Trash or Not To Trash? I think that most horn players have a latent desire and ability to trash. Whether you decide to trash or not is a personal decision and you make this choice based on your own instincts, passion and circumstances. Don't be ashamed of your feelings, as you are not alone in them. If you have the overwhelming desire to trash, then perhaps you should try it once to find out if trashing is the right thing for you. There is nothing wrong with this if you use discretion. You can make the momentous decision of whether to trash in public, as I do, or whether just to keep your trash in the closet until after you have gained experience with trashing over time. I myself trashed in private for many years before my public debut in Tallahassee in 1994. Whatever you decide is best for you is the proper choice. Chapter Two: Why Trash? Trashing can be one of the most satisfying experiences a horn player can have. Whether you are an amateur trasher who only trashes occasionally for fun or a professional trasher like me who has to do it every day, trashing the horn is a great stress reliever. Some experienced horn trashers I know say that trashing is the best part of their day. Depending on your emotional state, you may be trashing for fun or in anger. As a professional, I trash mostly in anger. I can tell you that there is no more satisfying experience in life than smashing and ripping apart one of these buggers whether the horn belongs to you or someone else. I know that was apparent in Rochester in 1997 when I ripped Prof. Hans Pizka's horn to shreds with my bare hands after he ruined my IHS International Workshop conducting debut by playing his stupid Siegfried call over and over again during the world premiere of a very monumental work of music by Milt Phibbs. At the amateur level, you will find that once you start trashing, you will continue to love it and have fun with it, possibly for your entire life. Chapter Three: When to Trash Your first trashing is your most important one as your life will be changed forever. A lot of trashers I know did their first one after a really bad lesson. Others after an embarrassing performance. Many more after a failed audition. I know of one who even went pro on his very first trashing when he threw his horn at the conductor during a rehearsal. The best time is whenever the spirit moves you and you have the opportunity. Remember, the desire to trash is a natural manifestation and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Chapter Four: What are the Best Horns to Trash? Any horn can be successfully trashed. Remember, it's not the horn, it's the trasher. With proper training, practice and experience you will find what is best for your own trashing situation and circumstances. I have trashed many different makes and models of horns with the utmost of success and satisfaction. Accidental trashings unfortunately do occur and usually to good instruments. These are usually repairable and/or replaceable. For intentional trashings, just about any old piece of junk is satisfactory but I prefer to trash a single F horn as I am a great admirer of the Viennese School of Trashing that was so renowned in the late 19th Century. Mellophones are also good to trash, though you may want to just keep playing on it as that is trashy enough in itself most of the time. You can find many suitable instruments for trashing at Public School System Auctions, flea markets, cheap antique stores and on eBay, where even new, imported instruments are readily available at bargain prices! These are also the only instruments, except for perhaps some Italian instruments from the mid-late 20th Century, that are specifically engineered for this purpose and are fast becoming "The Professional's Choice." Chapter Five: Trashing Techniques As with most activities, there are many different and successful techniques. Some are simple and quite easily learned; others are extremely difficult and take not only athletic ability but years of training and practice to develop. A good one to start with is the simple "horn slam": grasp the horn firmly and with a controlled overhand motion of the arm simply slam it into the floor. Do this several times and then move on to your first "wall banger": stand eight to ten feet from the wall, grasp firmly and hurl the instrument with all your might against the wall (try to avoid hitting any furniture, artwork or windows as this may diminish the amount of damage done to the horn). Next, try "the bowler": grasp firmly and then with a forceful underhand motion, roll the horn down the hallway or across the stage or parking lot into whatever gets into the way. For variety, mix in an occasional "stomper" to help maximize your pleasure. These four simple techniques come naturally to most horn players and will get you started in your trashing career. You will see a great deal of damage to the instrument and feel the indescribable warm glow of satisfaction that results with successful trashing. With experience and practice you can move on to: "the Stairmaster", "the Frisbee", "the drop kick" (which is wonderful to do on the football field with a mellophone), "the soccer pass" (also mellophone recommended), "the gig bag three point attempt" the "slam into the can" (which I so successfully demonstrated during my debut at IHS 25), the "Nolan Ryan" (which I invented in Rochester) and the “Jersey Jump” (which was an improvisational inspiration at the Eugene Symposium in ‘ 98. Another technique to inject into your routine is "the tooth puller": occasionally wrench off slides and tubing and toss them around as you trash. Walter Lawson, also in Tallahassee, showed us this and then finished with a brilliant "blind, over the shoulder, double reverse tuning slide hurl into the can" which is one of the most difficult techniques to master. Another very advanced technique is the "Michelin Mash,” (aka “Firestone Flattener,” “Cooper Crusher” “Dunlop Decimator,” and “Bridgestone Bastinado"): place the horn just behind either back wheel of your car or truck, place the transmission in reverse and back the vehicle over the horn; then try changing gears from forward to reverse creating a gentle rocking motion over the horn (like getting your car unstuck from the snow). Also, always keep in mind that trashing is a spontaneous event, so feel free to experiment. This will increase your knowledge, pleasure and satisfaction. Also, if you are so inclined, you may incorporate other outside means besides vehicles into your routine: hand and power tools, baseball bats, heavy construction equipment, hockey sticks, firearms, Lacrosse rackets, incendiary accelerants and plastic explosives readily come to mind. It's also fun and satisfying to burn or shred a Kopprasch book or two during a prolonged session if you are really into it! Chapter Six: Some General Rules Please trash responsibly. Clean up thoroughly after you trash unless you still live with your mother. Repair and/or pay for any incidental damage that may have occurred during the trashing. If you are trashing professionally in public, always tip the stage crew generously. Recycle trashed horns in accordance with local regulations (keep in mind that sometimes trashed horns make nice artwork and should be kept on display). Above all: PRACTICE SAFE TRASH!
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