Dear friends:

Today i got an email selling a product. Apparently it is "happy families day".  

Can a family of whatever kind (heterosexual or people of diverse sexual and 
gender identities married or living together) be happy without justice 
underpinning the relationship? Just family is by and large elusive for majority 
in South Asia and perhaps developing Asia   

Firstly, one has to differentiate between patriarchy as a concept and how it 
works out.  Both men and women have internalized patriarchal norms and this has 
to be addressed as it plays out in the short run, while in the long run 
challenging patriarchal structures   To give an example if mothers restrict 
daughter's mobility, it has to be addressed. If men beat up their wives more 
than mothers in law it has to be addressed  A woman cannot have a right to sex 
selection of males as she would otherwise be oppressed by her in laws. She  has 
to be economically, socially and politically empowered. In the long run 
structures of patriarchy have to be addressed.  While men are more powerful, 
women are not powerless

Secondly, while we want inter-caste, inter-class and inter religious families 
at the same time it should not be the case that dalit women/girls are bought 
and sold because of girl shortage.  Inter-religious marriages should not mean 
conversion of one to the other (often the woman to the man's faith). Inter 
class marriages should mean respect for manual work which does not exist in 
large parts of developing Asia     

Thirdly, while people whose sexual identity and gender orientation is different 
have a right to a family, there is a blur when i see poor boys/men purchased by 
rich older men or the other way around when i see lower middle class men use 
rich older men to climb up, acquire their property,  move up the economic 
ladder and then marry a woman saying they never had a relationship 

Fourthly in a just family, is the relationship of hierarchy with children 
acceptable? My child has now decided to call me by my pet name and not "amma" 
(meaning mother). I think I failed in not recognizing this earlier.   

It is these complexities that we have to deal with to move towards just and 
happy families

http://www.publishaletter.com/readletter.jsp?plid=27735 asian age

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