'Twas the day of the election, when all through the land 
the people were voting by machine or by hand. 

The candidates had returned to their home states again 
with hopes for a victory, a belief that they'd win. 

And George with his Cheney, and Al with his Leiber, 
were watching returns, and it wasn't a sleeper. 

The Republicans tuned up their voting machine 
to get out lots of votes, they hoped some would be Green. 

The donkeys were kickin', and elephants stompin', 
but what was this Green thing in the fields that was rompin'? 

A spoiler Dems called him.  George thought "He's not bad," 
He liked Ralph so much he even bought him some ads. 

Oregon looked like it might be the ticket 
but it wound up in Florida that they just couldn't pick it. 

It looked like Al won; exit polls all agreed. 
But Jeb called his brother, "That's not what I see!" 

They pulled Florida back; the networks all listened. 
But neither could win with Florida missin'. 

When what to my wondering ears should I hear, 
but a ballot with two marks where one should appear. 

Vote Bush! Vote Gore! Vote Nader, and Browne! 
Vote Buchanan! Vote Harris, any more to be found? 

Vote for two, vote for three, vote for any amount. 
George won't win in Palm Beach, he doesn't want them to count. 

With this many candidates how do you list them? 
Alphabetical?  No, flip a coin and then mix them! 

They must go from top to the bottom, understood? 
OK, but let's mix them, and mix them up good. 

The ballot's not legal, but county leaders said fine. 
George said "I like this, those votes were not mine". 

He tried his best to act very regal, 
but it's hard to take charge when the ballot's not legal. 

"I have an idea," shouted George with glee 
"I'll win the election.  It'll be fair, you'll see." 

"Let's toss a coin, let a quarter decide. 
If it's heads then Al loses, if it's tails I preside." 

"Hold on there a minute," said Al with a grin, 
"Let's count them again, and I bet that I'll win." 

But George said "No, I want an injunction!" 
(Without all these lawyers we just couldn't function). 

"Don't hand count," said George, "That's just too much work. 
I liked the first count, double voters are jerks." 

But after you've made a mistake, what to do? 
Are there extra ballots for all those who need two? 

Well, not really, but don't worry about a hole or a dent 
You can have another ballot if you're the top one percent. 

And what about this Electoral College? 
That sounds like a place where there ought to be knowledge. 

Maybe they'll think that the winner should win, 
(or maybe they won't cause the margin's too thin). 

Don't know how it will end, but I know it's not right 
When so much is at stake and the vote is this tight. 



 

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