------- Forwarded message follows -------
Date sent: Tue, 15 Jan 2002 12:25:52 -0500
Subject: Leno, Letterman
Copyright 2002 Bulletin Broadfaxing Network, Inc.
The Bulletin's Frontrunner
January 15, 2002
SECTION: Last Laughs
LENGTH: 937 words
HEADLINE: Late Night Political Humor.
BODY:
Jay Leno:
"We had quite a scare over the weekend -- Bush was watching TV,
munching on some pretzels, when he choked on one of them and
fainted.
Isn't that scary? All of this time worried about Osama bin Laden,
turns out he was almost done in by Mr. Salty."
Jay Leno:
"The minute Bush passed out, you know, they ran to get Dick
Cheney
and then they realized no one could remember the undisclosed
location
he was hiding in."
Jay Leno:
"As you know, former President Clinton's dog, Buddy got run over
by a
car recently. That was very sad. And Hillary said today she feels
terrible because she was aiming at Bill, she didn't even realize."
Jay Leno:
"Good news and bad news about the airline industry. The good
news,
planes are full. They are packed. That's good. The bad news, they're
filled with al Qaeda prisoners going to Cuba."
Jay Leno:
"I guess today, more al Qaeda and Taliban prisoners were flown to
Guantanamo Bay in Cuba, and on the plane, they are sedated, they
are
drugged, their feet bound, chained to the chair, or as Continental
calls it, coach, basically."
Jay Leno:
"And starting next month, airline passengers will have to pay $10
extra for increased security. You get a lot of security for ten
bucks. So they kind of frisk you for a little bit longer. It's ten
bucks to be felt and rubbed by a stranger, basically. Still a better
deal than Hollywood Boulevard."
David Letterman:
"I've had a check-up and my heart is running as smoothly as an
Enron
document shredder."
David Letterman:
"Just about now, a military tribunal is convicting a pretzel."
David Letterman:
"Yesterday in the White House, President George W. Bush was
watching
a football game and eating pretzels. He got it wedged in his throat
or something and the poor guy blacked out and hit the ground. He
was
out for like four seconds. Fortunately, it was the four seconds that
Dick Cheney was conscious yesterday."
David Letterman:
"Everybody is making jokes about President Bush choking on a
pretzel,
but I want to say something in his defense. It was one of those
twisty kind."
David Letterman:
"Today, Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge issued and all-points-
bulletin for Mr. Salty."
David Letterman:
"This is no laughing matter, Bush had a cut on his forehead and his
cheek was bruised. And this President isn't even married to Hillary."
David Letterman:
"This, of course, is not the first choking episode at the White
House. The last time, the President actually got caught in someone
else's throat."
LOAD-DATE: January 15, 2002
THE END
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