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FYE (
For Your Education).
Mike
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From the exciting world of finance:
Definitions:
EBITDA: earnings before I tricked damn auditor.
EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering.
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
NAV: normal Anderson valuation.
FRS: fantasy reporting standards.
P/E: parole entitlement.
EPS: eventual prison sentence.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an
investor to
mistake
himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids
get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no
sex.
MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high
and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and
selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting
their pants as the
market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
"BUY, BUY" -- A flight attendant making market
recommendations as you
step off the plane.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your
stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer
split your assets
equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy who actually remembers
his wallet when he
runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it
disappears down the
toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some
poor sucker for $240
per share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're
the sucker that
bought
Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's
now locked up in a
nuthouse.
PROFIT -- Religious guy who talks to God.
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