You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated - send to [email protected] ----------- Article Title: Listen! The other person might be right Author: James Burgess Category: Coaching Word Count: 750 Keywords: listening skills, how to listen Author's Email Address: [email protected] Article Source: http://www.7words.co.uk/life-management/meanings_7words The article is preformatted to 65CPL.
------------------ ARTICLE START ------------------ When listening well, we have a degree of responsibility for what we hear said to us. What we consider to be morally correct, bad or good conduct, can be a localized and contemporary viewpoint which is nothing more than a variable aspect of behavior at a particular time in a particular place. In other words, morality ethics, customs, laws and even the courtesy of good manners are things that vary geographically and from age to age. We may want to remember that when we hear opinions being expressed that seem strange or even `wrong' to us. They are simply different, and no doubt reflect the other person's time and place as much as ours do. Factors such as income levels, racial origin, birthplace and time of life are primary in the formation of belief and customs. We deserve and win respect if we show respect to another person whose words and actions speak of these differences. The span and depth of our personal experiences in life are measured subjectively one man's ceiling is another woman's floor nonetheless, we share a few things universally, mostly we want to reach out and expand our lives, whatever that means to us. Naturally we will need to open up to new ways of seeing the world, and try out some new stuff, and such things very often come to us first as rather strange, often challenging viewpoints. The first flinch against something new is the automatic reflex of self-protection, and this needs to be carefully overcome if we are to expand our horizons in a healthy way. Being open-minded shows itself in our willingness to take on new ideas, learn skills, to meet new people and avoid dogma and prejudice. If someone's talking and you are secretly resistant and feel the inner tendency to disagree, then even if you keep quiet they unconsciously respond to that. It can even reduce their ability clearly and confidently to express what they think and want to express and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. The other side of this is when your listening is good, warm and encouraging, because this builds trust and harmony, which can be felt in the air between you. Their message then will reflect the goodwill we radiate, and it will be more positive and more likely to please us. It's important. To make the world a better place we all need to speak with more optimism and care, and therefore learn the skill of listening in such a way that other's thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. This is a task that takes flair. Simply disagreeing and correcting a person's negative expression is quite likely to reinforce it. Of course realization needs to occur, (and we may consider it our job to instruct them!) and yet surely we need to handle it gently. There is quite obviously a process taking place between speaker and listener that can be co-creating. This is because the listener's attitude of attention affects the message in its content as well as the essence of the deeper meaning. And of course the speaker's words touch the listener - it goes without saying. Both are involved, each influencing the other and meaningfully each influencing the message itself. Let's think about this: it runs against the idea that an individual has totally responsibility (or indeed can take total credit) for what they say. Maybe a tad more humility is in order, so that we are ready to acknowledge the importance of a good listener sharing in the process of voicing the wisdom gems we deliver (and yet think of as our own!) When listening too we can allow that we have a degree of responsibility for what we hear said to us, and especially the way it is said with respect, with anger, with contempt because there are two people involved in the conversation. Another good reason for us to want to listen to another person with care and attention there's a good chance that they might actually have something of value for us to hear! These ideas follow the 7 Words model that all things are basically expressions of the seven fundamentals: No, Hello, Thanks, Bye, Please, Sorry, Yes. See if you can recognize them in the 7 stages above. I hope that the description of this sevenfold method will be a source of new ideas and inspiration, even if you don't choose to use it! Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 7 Words website (http://www.7words.co.uk), interactive fun with the "satisfaction index calculator" at http://www.7words.co.uk/life-management/meanings_7words ------------------ ARTICLE END ------------------
