You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated - send to [email protected] ----------- Article Title: To listening is to care. Author: James Burgess Category: Happiness Word Count: 712 Keywords: listening skills, how to listen Author's Email Address: [email protected] Article Source: http://www.7wordsassociates.org/psychology_spotlight.php The article is preformatted to 65CPL.
------------------ ARTICLE START ------------------ There is a process taking place between speaker and listener that is co-creative. Despite what we believe, right and wrong, good or bad, is generally a local, modern, temporary attitude that is nothing more than regular behavior for this time at this place. It's not `true'. It is worth having this in mind when listening to the views of another person and think whether their values reflect their age and environment as much as our own opinions reflect ours. Factors such as income levels, racial origin, birthplace and time of life are primary in the formation of belief and customs. We deserve and win respect if we show respect to another person whose words and actions speak of these differences. The span and depth of our personal experiences in life are measured subjectively one man's ceiling is another woman's floor nonetheless, we share a few things universally, mostly we want to reach out and expand our lives, in whatever way we feel is important to us. Of course this requires us to adopt new perspectives, to try out new things, which can be at first rather challenging and odd to say the least. The first flinch against something new is the automatic reflex of self-protection, and this needs to be carefully overcome if we are to expand our horizons in a healthy way. Our willingness to embrace new ideas, learn skills and meet people unreservedly enough to avoid bigotry shows itself by our being open-minded. If someone's talking and you are secretly resistant and feel the inner tendency to disagree, then even if you keep quiet they unconsciously respond to that. It will probably diminish their ability to express their thoughts clearly and confidently and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. However, if our listening attention is warm and supportive, then rapport is established and a sense of harmony can pervade the atmosphere between us. What is said then somehow gives form to the good feelings that exist and generates positivity that can help you in what you want from the exchange. It's important. To make the world a better place we all need to speak with more optimism and care, and therefore learn to listen to others in such a way that their thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. A job that needs finesse! We can't just tell people to stop being negative because this will simply strengthen their attitude. Of course realization needs to occur, (and we may feel constrained and obliged to facilitate this awakening!) and yet surely we need to handle it gently. Let us remember that the communication process is co-creative; the listener and speaker are doing it together. As was said, the listener's quality of attention has an effect upon the message in form as well as essence. It goes without saying that the speaker's words will touch the listener. Each is influencing the other and meaningfully the content and presentation of the message too. This is food for thought; we have been rather given to think differently that the individual is responsible for his own output and that he takes the credit too. Perhaps a degree more humility is appropriate when we talk, so that we are ready to acknowledge the importance of a good listener sharing in the process of voicing the wisdom gems we deliver (and yet think of as our own!) When listening too we can allow that we have a degree of responsibility for what we hear said to us, and perhaps more importantly, how it is said - with a tone that indicates respect, anger, contempt or sensitivity - because "it takes two to tango". Another good reason for us to want to listen to another person with care and attention there's a reasonable chance that they have something of importance for us to learn! The ideas follow the 7 Words model that everything is fundamentally an expression of seven basic life principles: No, Hello, Thanks, Goodbye, Please, Sorry, Yes. See if you can recognize them in the 7 stages above. I hope that the description of this sevenfold method will be a source of new ideas and inspiration, even if you don't choose to use it! Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 7 Words website (http://www.7words.co.uk), interactive fun with the "satisfaction index calculator" at http://www.7wordsassociates.org/psychology_spotlight.php ------------------ ARTICLE END ------------------
