Theresa Markham offers the following royalty-free article for you to publish online or in print. Feel free to use this article in your newsletter, website, ezine, blog, or forum. ----------- PUBLICATION GUIDELINES - You have permission to publish this article for free providing the "About the Author" box is included in its entirety. - Do not post/reprint this article in any site or publication that contains hate, violence, porn, warez, or supports illegal activity. - Do not use this article in violation of the US CAN-SPAM Act. If sent by email, this article must be delivered to opt-in subscribers only. - If you publish this article in a format that supports linking, please ensure that all URLs and email addresses are active links. - Please send a copy of the publication, or an email indicating the URL to [email protected] - Article Marketer (www.ArticleMarketer.com) has distributed this article on behalf of the author. Article Marketer does not own this article, please respect the author's copyright and publication guidelines. If you do not agree to these terms, please do not use this article. ----------- Article Title: How One Word Can Save Your Divorce Thousands of Dollars Author: Theresa Markham Category: Divorce, Advice, Legal Word Count: 1082 Keywords: divorce,attorney fees,save,divorcing,attorney,feelings,why Author's Email Address: [email protected] Article Source: http://www.articlemarketer.com ------------------ ARTICLE START ------------------
If you are going through a divorce, then one of the main things on your mind is how much money you are spending on your divorce attorney fees. In fact, if my divorce clients are any indication, divorcing people think about how to save money on attorney fees almost constantly. And, in my divorce practice, we encourage this sort of thinking. We've divorce a lot of people. And, we've noticed a trend - in fact, a word - that is attached to those people whose divorces cost them a lot more money in attorney fees than was really necessary. What's the word? Why. "Why" is the word. "Why" is the word that precedes irrelevant questions that result in lengthy - and expensive - conversations that solve nothing. So, said more accurately, avoiding the word "why" can save you thousands of dollars in divorce attorney fees. Let's take a look at questions that begin with "Why." [You may be more familiar with the cousin of "Why," which is "But why."] Questions that begin with "Why" are in fact, not questions at all, but statements of emotion. "Oh no, that can't be so," I hear you say. In fact, you're probably saying to yourself right now, "Why is an age old question that indicates wisdom, and has been heralded since the days of Socrates. In fact, we have an entire teaching method called "the Socratic method" which is based on the word why." Well, yes, that is true. But in the divorce context, it is a very expensive word. Think of it this way: If you value the word "why" as an intellectual pursuit, that's a good thing. But would you like to spend your divorce attorney fees on that irrelevant intellectual pursuit? Probably not. Probably, you'd rather spend your divorce attorney fees on accomplishing your divorce goals. And, the word "why" is a very expensive hurdle that keeps your from your divorce goals. Let's look at some examples of "Why" questions which are not actually questions, but are, at their heart, emotional statements. 1. "Why does my spouse get to destroy our marriage and then get rewarded with a boat-load of money?" 2. "Why does my spouse get an adjournment just because he/she wants to ruin my schedule, but when I ask for an adjournment, it gets denied?" 3. "Why do I have to fill out answers to all these questions when I know my spouse isn't going to give real answers?" 4. "Why do I have to pay for a business valuation when I pay all the bills and my spouse is socking money away?" All of these questions are really statements about the divorcing person's feelings. It's just that in the heat of the moment, you don't realize that it's your feelings that are prompting these questions. The dangerous thing about these questions is that they demand an answer. So, of course, your divorce attorney will give you an answer, but it will lead to an expensive circular discussion because the question really isn't a question at all, so there can be no satisfactory answer. Let's take a look at the feelings (and thus, the statements) behind these "why" questions. All of these questions are really statements that the divorcing person is frustrated, angry and/or resentful with his/her spouse. It is very reasonable and expected that you might be frustrated, angry and/or resentful about your spouse. However, denying those feelings, or trying to get those feelings satisfied by a legal process (that is, the "why" question), is going to cause you more pain, increase your feelings of frustration, anger and resentment, and cost you a lot more money in divorce attorney fees that are really warranted. How should you effectively deal with these feelings? By talking to a non-attorney professional, for example a therapist, a spiritual mentor, etc. The presence of feelings of frustration and resentment in a divorce attorney's office is expected, but unbridled feelings that take the form of pseudo-logical questions and endless circular conversations are damaging and expensive. The other major feelings behind those sample questions are the feelings of disappointment, betrayal and frustration that the justice system and/or the divorce process is not meeting your expectations. Divorce attorneys are used to being disappointed by the justice system. We're accustomed to not getting justice from the calendar clerk, from the judge at a motion or at a trial, from the discovery process, etc. But, if you're new to the workings of the justice system, you might just be experiencing a form of "shell shock." Again, the best thing you can do is to hear your attorney's statements about what is going on in the divorce process, and when you have those feelings of frustration or disappointment come up, then rather than discuss and debate the rationale of it with your divorce attorney (at the cost of several hundred dollars per hour), see your therapist! The smartest divorcing people - and those that save the most on their attorney fees - are those that use their money on their divorce attorney fees predominantly for relevant and productive legal work, accepting the imperfections and the sometimes irrationality of the process at face value, and spend very little of their attorney fee money on processing emotional issues. The smartest divorcing people save themselves thousands of dollars on unnecessary legal fees by choosing this path. The others waste thousands of dollars on circular discussions that start with one word, "why." They just don't realize that their "why" questions are not a discussion of relevant legal work, but are truly statements of emotions that are best - i.e. less expensively and more adequately - addressed and resolved with a therapist, etc. Now that you know the truth behind the "why" questions, you are well on your way to having a productive divorce process experience, and saving yourself from overspending on your divorce attorney fees. Next time you find yourself on the verge of saying "But why" to your divorce attorney, you'll be aware enough to stop yourself, take a deep breath, say "Okay then," and then call your therapist. Then, pat yourself on the back for saving several hundred dollars. While you're at it, you might even go ahead and get that ice cream sundae or steak dinner as a reward for exercising your divorce-discipline-and-smarts muscle! Theresa A. Markham, Esq. represents people in productive and effective ways in divorce court. Her book, "Shark Bait-What Every Divorce Rookie Needs to Know," http://www.DivorceSharkBait.com, teaches divorcing people how to become wiser in the process. ------------------ ARTICLE END ------------------ [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
