Pamela Dombrowski-Wilson offers the following royalty-free article for you to publish online or in print. Feel free to use this article in your newsletter, website, ezine, blog, or forum. ----------- PUBLICATION GUIDELINES - You have permission to publish this article for free providing the "About the Author" box is included in its entirety. - Do not post/reprint this article in any site or publication that contains hate, violence, porn, warez, or supports illegal activity. - Do not use this article in violation of the US CAN-SPAM Act. If sent by email, this article must be delivered to opt-in subscribers only. - If you publish this article in a format that supports linking, please ensure that all URLs and email addresses are active links. - Please send a copy of the publication, or an email indicating the URL to [email protected] - Article Marketer (www.ArticleMarketer.com) has distributed this article on behalf of the author. Article Marketer does not own this article, please respect the author's copyright and publication guidelines. If you do not agree to these terms, please do not use this article. ----------- Article Title: Dysfunctional Families Stopping the Madness Author: Pamela Dombrowski-Wilson Category: Social Issues, Wellness, Family Word Count: 1234 Keywords: Dysfunctional Families, Caregiving, Stress, Family History, Health Care, Elder Abuse Author's Email Address: [email protected] Article Source: http://www.articlemarketer.com ------------------ ARTICLE START ------------------
In what can be called normal families, individuals have the ability to acknowledge problems, discuss differences of opinion and be able to work together to change situations. By looking at family structure, background can be provided on why some individuals are dysfunctional. This information allows us to improve our own functionality and work within what we see as challenging situations by helping us respond with appropriate action. 1. Stop enabling the bad behavior of your family members and friends. Many times it is easier for us to complete a task than to ask a loved one to do the same task, or to overlook a comment made with which we disagree. Why make waves when we can maintain smooth waters? Unfortunately, this behavior has the potential to snowball and result in feelings of non-appreciation, anger, dismissal, self neglect, loss of dignity and heightened behaviors related to loss or control. Family members are often the greatest enablers, allowing unacceptable behavior to proliferate. On a much greater scale are various types of abuse whether physical, mental, verbal, alcohol or drug abuse. If these types of behaviors are not discussed and or confronted the abuse continues and has the potential to ruin family relationships. 2. It is important to talk about conflict, whatever it is. What represents conflict or a problem to one individual might not present the same to another. Dysfunctional issues result in a great degree of harm to self or to others.Other issues may not result in the same degree of injury but may be damaging to self esteem. An example to illustrate the difference between the two is a family member who is not caring for themselves personally, for example not taking medications or bathing especially if they are diabetic or have another serious health condition. The opposite would be a family member who has hurt feelings because they did a project that was not noticed or appreciated by another for example planting flowers in the yard. 3. It is important to be honest. Depending on which side you're on it is easy or difficult to determine the honesty of a situation. Individuals with additions are experts at hiding the issues or sidestepping what is really happening. It is also very easy to rationalize information. For example, your parent does not want to attend day care because they feel the others are old people when you parent is an old person. Honesty is usually fact, not emotional based. By examining the facts we can all grow in our daily actions and reactions. Many times it is difficult to take an honest look at ourselves, our weaknesses and our opportunities to improve. 4. Change your mind, change your life. Just because families and individuals exhibit the same behavior from generation to generation does not make it right. A father who beat his wife and children may have a child who beats his wife and children and this pattern repeats time after time. This type of behavior can and should be stopped - it's unhealthy! 5. Challenge the belief systems that hinder your personal growth. There is the very old saying that if we keep doing what we have always done we will get the same results. If a belief system prevents an individual from improving their situation or lifestyle then it is time to challenge the belief. For example, imagine a family with poor nutrition and self esteem where all members are obese and wear sloppy clothing. They feel unwanted, unsuccessful and are envious of others who have a better life situation. They look at thin, healthy people as something they can never be because no one in the family has taken the initiative to learn how to change the current situation or belief system. Change is also hard work. It is easy to look at the situation of another and think that their achievements have come easily. Many times this could not be further from the truth. We've become a lazy society expecting things to come to us rather than working for them. 6. Learn to communicate effectively. It is difficult to present our opinions in an objective, non threatening manner. Never present your way as the right or only way. This has a negative effect in trying to facilitate change or open communication Listen to the stories of others and their projected outcomes and hopes, and build upon their successes to allow them to make positive changes. If you parent has decided to move and they are beginning to sort through boxes, praise the action even if it is taking longer than you think necessary. Seeing someone try various options to change their situation is positive and praising positive behavior usually results in more positive actions and behaviors. 7. Be realistic. If your family member seeks to change but their actions continuously direct them backward, help them by outlining tasks in small steps that are not grandiose but attainable. An individual who seeks a job and wants to be president of the company in two years without the background or skill is setting up a situation likely to result in disappointment. However an individual who seeks a job, works to prove their worth and be promoted to a better position in two years may be setting a realistic goal. 8. Talk about abuse and difficulties of the situation. If an individual discusses physical, mental, verbal, drug and or alcohol, listen and be honest about your skill set when providing tools to help them. Often it is better to refer them to a specialist in the area of need rather than to offer information that is ineffective or sets them back in their desire to improve. 9. Keep your cool. Work to maintain communication and interactions at an even keel, free of conflict. Individuals living in dysfunction do not have the opportunity to freely express themselves. Having someone who can listen without attachment and without partiality is extremely important. Just because you are a good sounding board does not mean that you condone the situation, only that you can listen and support your family member without causing further dysfunction and stress. 10. Try to have fun in spite of the situation. In serious or what some might consider heavy or depressing situations, humor can always be found; sometimes it just takes a special person who can look at the situation lightly and make positive statements. These 10 tips are by no means the only solution to working within a dysfunctional or difficult family. Know that only an individual or family can decide to use positive tools to improve a situation. You can keep unnecessary stressors out of an already stressful situation by changing your response to the situation. A statement of "she made me angry", shows that you are allowing others to control you, you are not controlling your reaction to others. Realizing this can actually be empowering when others can no longer press buttons that make you react in a negative manner. It is important to understand that dysfunctionality is not something that appears overnight but worsens with time if not confronted in a progressive approach. The best way to provide quality of care for you or someone else is to establish a genuine understanding of expected outcomes and the implementation of personal boundaries. Pamela D. Wilson, The Care Navigator, supports adult children and others caring for loved ones. She also hosts a weekly talk show on 630 KHOW Denver focusing on caregiving. Contact her at http://www.thecarenavigator.com where you can also access free information. ------------------ ARTICLE END ------------------ [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
