Guys, gimme a break. This was MY thread. I chose the subject line. My 'meaning' question was about "ditch the Edison screw and use a bayonet". Is that about US vs. EU light bulb design?
. . J.O.Skip Robinson Southern California Edison Company Electric Dragon Team Paddler SHARE MVS Program Co-Manager 323-715-0595 Mobile 626-543-6132 Office ⇐=== NEW [email protected] -----Original Message----- From: IBM Mainframe Discussion List [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Elardus Engelbrecht Sent: Thursday, March 07, 2019 12:14 PM To: [email protected] Subject: (External):Re: How many asterisks to change a lightbulb? Warning - my reply is somewhat long, please ensure your light bulb is still burning while reading this... Paul Gilmartin wrote: >Jesse 1 Robinson wrote: >>It's not Friday yet, but I need to know: what does this mean? >Either you didn't read the thread from the beginning or: >https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightbulb_joke >Programmers? Don't ask them; that's a hardware problem. Thanks for standing in for me, I appreciate it. You can also search IBM-MAIN and also IBM-MAIN Archives using this search phrase 'light bulb' for a bright shining answer. You will get ten thousand (... and still counting) 'enlighting' jokes and [useless] OT threads about light bulbs. I reposted four 'winners' in case you're in the dark (I could reposted Ed Gould's many, but looooooooooooooooooooooong lists, but you can search them yourself): From Shmuel Metz this little fun shorty (one of my favourites): ... The ones that say "You had light bulbs?" Alternatively, the correct answer is "None, it's a hardware problem." Unless you're a CE, in which case it's "None: it's a software problem." From Don Imbriale this JCL which should bypass JES2 and RACF unforgiving checking (after shortening (pun intended) PROGRAM name of course)...: //S1 EXEC PGM=ELECTRICIAN //TOOLMSG DD SYSOUT=* //OLD DD DSN=... //NEW DD DSN=... //LIGHT DD DSN= //TOOLIN DD * SWITCH OFF(LIGHT) REPLACE FROM(OLD) TO(NEW) SWITCH ON(LIGHT) /* From Donna Spradley, she is a great lady: You sell em, but do you know how to install em?? :-) --It's finding and setting up a ladder correctly that's the hard part, at least for me. Then there's the removing-the-light-cover that has cross-threaded screws that can't be turned by hand, that's another problem (while trying to hang onto the ladder). And trying to use that needle-nose plier thingy is a pain, at least for me. Then there's the trying to hang onto the ladder, hold the glass light globe/cover without dropping it, and stick the bulb into the hole correctly (all while holding onto the ladder - and I HATE "heighths"), then turn gently but firmly. If too firmly, the bulb might burst, and THAT would be a nightmare - I might get electrocuted!! Then watch out for the ladder starting to tip, because it's not placed EXACTLY where it should be, and my weight has caused it to lean. Then watch out for that wasp nest that's hidden right up there beside the light fixture. Maybe I should get down and get the wasp spray, but that usually just makes them madder. I wasn't "trained" to do this! HELP! (aka-where's-a-man-when-you-want-one?) From John Ford this little checklist: - Environment: Indoors, outdoors, garage, porch, attic, barn, office? - Vendor: GE, Sylvania, Westinghouse, Phillips, or in-house? - Architecture: Incandescent, fluorescent, halogen, neon, murcury-vapor, xenon, sodium (high or low pressure)? - Platform: Recessed, track, chandelier, sconce, ceiling fixture, table/floor lamp? - Operating system: AC (v110, 220), DC (v1.5, 3, 6, 12)? - Access method: Ladder, stack of crates, jumping, piggy-back, cherry picker? - Language: Muttering, cursing, whining? - User input: Single pole switch, 2-way, dimmer, timer or sensor driven? - GUI: bare bulb (plain or decorative), reflector, diffusion panel, flood, spot or omnidirectional - Output: lumens/candlepower/lux/lamberts/nits? - Downtime: Scheduled or unscheduled? How long? - Maintenance type: Preventive maintenance, upgrade, hyper fix, emergency ZAP? Ok, as as free bonus, one from Ed Goud this little one: Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. It turned itself in. Ok, enough, enough! This is not Friday today! ;-) Paul Gilmartin wrote: >>Shocking and electrifying advice! Thanks, that lighten up my dim-bulb >>day... ;-) I'm plugging out now... >Galvanized by E.E.'s characteristic wry humor. Galvanized? Hahahaha, oh dear, you made my day! ;-) This is dry (or wry if you want it) good sense of humor... ;-) Oh, look at http://planetmvs.com/ibm-main/faqh.html which contains a reference to 'How many IBM-MAIN Subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?' Ok, enough OT junk, please let me go back to my unscheduled ICH408I broadcasts... Groete / Greetings Elardus Engelbrecht (some of my old and dim signatures... ) How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb? We don't know yet, they're still waiting for a part. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None - it is a hardware problem. Question: How many lawyers take it to change a lightbulb? Answer: I don't know, but this is gonna cost you a lot for consulting fee, fee for actual work done and the bulb itself! Q: How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three–one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed? This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000 How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb? None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs. How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb? One. How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into. How many Unix hackers does it take to change a light bulb? As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- For IBM-MAIN subscribe / signoff / archive access instructions, send email to [email protected] with the message: INFO IBM-MAIN
