On Friday, 07/14/2006 at 01:08 AST, David Boyes <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > (Actually, that Altmark part really isn't all that bad. I mean, you can > get Alan Altmark action figures if you're really REALLY nice to Dame > Pam. Collect your set of VM Developer Action Figures today! Complete > with real 3270 *bleep* noisemakers and miniature Diet Dr Pepper > six-packs!)
For $25, you can get a signed Certificate of Authenticity and a publicity photo! But the real news is that for only $10,000 (one-time charge), plus an annual $1000 maintenence fee, you too can be licensed to use my name. You need only sign the "Alan Altmark 'Alan Altmark' License Agreement". The maintenence fee entitles you any new releases AND versions! If I should change my name, you will be entitled to use the new one as well! (Though from that point in time you will have one year to either upgrade to the new name or stop using it altogether - I'm not as charitable as my employer.) There are two additional Features: - Forgiveness (#2113, $237): Provides indemnity from cease-and-desist orders and visits from Chuckie if you spell it "Allen" or "Al" (though see the Audio Al feature) - Audio Al (#2114, $100,000): Allows you to allow third parties to call you "Al" [no Paul Simon references, please]. This does NOT give you the ability to call *yourself* Al. That is specifically and irrevocably excluded by the Base Agreement. Except for the Certificate, the above amounts are PER VALUE UNIT. A "Value Unit" is whatever I want it to be and I define it to be "every 4 letters". Be the first on your block. Act now! Operators are standing by.... All monies are expressed in US dollars. Your bank must be capable of wiring money to non-US destinations. You must be at least 18 years of age and competent (as determined by family and friends) to enter into a legally binding agreement. Alan Altmark Financial Opportunities Sector z/VM Development IBM Endicott
