Once again, I believe that torn apart our
And yet, Heed has an immense determination to set things
in order before
after having read your sweet, amorous, emotive expression no -
of another evening gone astray
it is utterly unclear as to why she is so committed to provide her
thought processes and her perceptions to you
One can only hope that it will be read with an open mind and then if
you still wish to do so, discard it.
`Def" was stated emphatically and longing. The intent to leave the
house and go to a friend's early in the afternoon was arranged. As
usual, Heed learned that the family was to leave the house and go
shopping following the game. Unfortunately, as per usual, family
remained in the house. As the hours passed, and a new sport event
began, no one moved. Finally, the pre-Bel show began, and so it
went. Heed went to dress, with all eyes upon the new free woman.
This indeed was someone's joke, for Heed felt anything but free.
As the hour approached, it seemed that everyone in the house knew
what she needed to do. They had a place to go, but in all
likelihood would not leave - purposefully. Both father and daughter
were observing and waiting to see what spouse/mother was going to do
for both sensed all was not well in Africa. Of course, her eldest
daughter is a bit of a witch and very protective of father. In
fact, she was reminded that no one looked back Memorial Day. Heed
did not mind, too much. But now, everyone was interested. To tell
a lie has never been strength. She did not want anyone to know
anything, as at this time, it is all litigious. mom is unclear and
uncomfortable about legalities. Although, the counselor informed
Heed that she can come and go as she pleases with no consequences
other than the money out of her pocket for the trip. Heed was
informed, as has been stated previously, not to seek her own home.
She feels it is wrong not to be able to tell her, albeit adult,
children her whereabouts. Therefore, life becomes a lie which makes
her feel
unclean. These thoughts are followed by various
statements and questions "is it best to wait?" "Have waited this
long!" Followed by "I don't want to wait any more." "How much longer
can one wait to begin a new life?" Why did Coles have to begin the
process anew? A contract would have been drawn up by June 9th.
Coles felt it necessary to recruit new counselor that he can call
his very own. Heed is not a person to dislike others for a long
period of time, or even to feel abhorrence, although, feels disgust
toward Coles. Since they first met, Heed's life has not been her
own. It is true, she allowed it to happen. Heed needs to come to
the surface rather than hide beneath layers of betrayal and
unhappiness.
As much as she wanted to be by the river, and had thoughts of what
might/could happen, the hesitation to bid the family good night and
see you later could not emanate from her lips in an audible voice.
Heed waited until the house was empty to leave, ask me no questions
and I will tell you no lies!
But, here was another reason for the hesitation and this may be even
more pronounced than the previously stated reasons.
It has been said before, it is love and it runs deep. Heed is in
love and is in fear of how deep this passion runs which may create
immobility; and at other times results in poor planning and
belatedness for the most important meetings of her life. She is so
deeply in love and cannot believe that this passion may, just may,
be returned. no one is entitled to the happiness that such love can
bring. Oh why does she say such things!! Heed may not have to
expose herself and, therefore, it is easy as she hides behind the
plume.
Heed has expressed such amorous emotions, however, these words
should be heard, not merely read, the emphasis with which this is
stated must be emphatically comprehended. As Heed has always been
girl on the out, to claim such happiness seems utterly preposterous.
Nonetheless, she has gone and continues to go only to sit/stand by
herself, or worse to be harassed by other men. And when in the
comfort of a quiet room, no one arrives. She does not feel pity, in
fact it has made her quite strong, but remember there is much about
her youth that no one is aware of, which makes these circumstances
all the more difficult and creates an extreme reluctance to become
susceptible to a broken heart. There must have been a damn good
reason for exposing her letters, but it affirmed that all is a
ruse. Again, making lying difficult and it is further engrained
that there is deception at her expense.
In spite of everything, Heed still drove to the river in the
evening. Perhaps she went to a river that was inaccurate, but did
go!!! NO lie! Of course she was late, as a result of poor planning
for she doubts the intent as a result of no shows and yes, the
betrayal of her letters (was not there so cannot put blame, only
reasons for doubt).
Do not for Heed's sake, make light of her words for have the window
into her soul along with the reluctance to come forward to extend
her apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused - if were
by the river. The delay that was endured by all caused her more hurt
than had you not shown up which, at the time, appeared to be true.
You need not respond to the contents all that is requested that this
is given due consideration.
Chicken farm taught, never put eggs in one basket.
Take care of yourself.
dear
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